Chapter: Question: what do you think of that? [Please read]

On another fan page I often painted my own characters, each of which has its own story (- -, what kind of German), well and that's when I got the idea to write an FF about it and I would like to know what you think of it. Here are the characters and the story content!
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Character:
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Saaki: Age = 19y. / Life's work = bounty hunter
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Charackter = suspicious; cold-flowered; doesn't talk much about the hot one
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Mush around; has a strong will and just doesn't give up; so
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she was imprisoned by her tough childhood
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"Sajyajins", whose population decreased rapidly.
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Controlled by her ambition and lust for Rachel, she flies with hers
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Space capsule through the galaxies to get the last of their living
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Finding and exterminating molesters.<br />
Find protection with Xany who does not look at the Sajyajin blood
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And becomes a kind of friend.
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Xany: race = Xayajin[dangerous subspecies without monkey transformation]
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Age = approx. 17y. / Life's work = escape from the bounty hunters
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and the development of some Galactic villages.
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Charackter = strong will; but have a conscience that you now and then
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to become doomed; Protective urge.
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With her twin brother Veit, who is much more like a "Sajyajin"
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It looks like she's looking for the reason for her existence.
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Is badly injured in a raid and is rescued by Saaki.
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Veit: Race = Xayajin["]
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Age = approx. 17y./ Life task = "
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Charackter = suspicious; Hot-headed; easily irritated; loves out-
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Demands and
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therefore often gets into tricky situations; falls in love with Saaki, however
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Hates "Sajyajins" and does not trust him. A little arrogant
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and has no problem killing someone briefly.
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When Saaki sees him approaching the injured Xany, she lunges
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Him and flees with the unconscious Xany, who is not at all right
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Notice how you happen. So Veit starts looking.
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Ice-Cube: Race = Blood-Sucker / Life Purpose = The genetic one
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Crack Cod of Immortality.
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Age =?
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Charackter = greedy; obeys her master "Avarice" (greed);<br />
Cold; Heartless.
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Captures Veit and quenches her thirst for blood and lust for him.
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Avarice: Race = mutant human
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Age = 91y. (you can't see him at all ^^ '')
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Life's mission = to maintain immortality
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Character: Clever; Cold; (a little lonely[of course, who can go with
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keep up with his age]* g *); megalomaniac.
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Researched the species "Sajyajin" all his life and is
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Fast staged by their slow aging process and has
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cracked the aging code with which he then achieved immortality
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want to achieve.
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His first genetic experiments with the "Sajyajin blood" are on Xany
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and Veit have been tested. So he is their creator.,and your
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The task should be to give protection to their master and
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to wipe out his opponents. But through an "unclear bier"
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Shaking the planets, they are from their course that leads to theirs
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Master should lead, lost and on another planet
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landed. There they were raised by space pirates and aged
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from 6y. leave again.
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Avarice put a premium on both of them in order to get them back
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to get back, but the two see him as some kind of threat
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and are therefore on the run.
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So now I'm not sure if you get through my "Krusel-Wussel" * g *. I just copied them all in here and I don't know whether the sentences are in the right position.
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Please, please, tell me what you think of it and whether I should publish this FF here too!* very lovable *
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XANY