Chapter: Changes in life- part 20

Juhuu, an anniversary! Part 20. It shouldn't be that long, but when you're at it, you just write. <br />
<br />
Did you also have a nice day of St. Nicholas? I completely forgot to wish you guys one! <br />
<br />
Today we continue with the 2nd part of Kai's revelation of his feelings. <br />
<br />
Tomorrow I can first see a doctor because my right shoulder is hurting and this is where a strange rash or something has formed. It also stings and itches. That might be annoying ...... but that doesn't stop me from posting my FF. <br />
<br />
@ Sylvie <br />
Oh, then I wish you good luck with the oral exam! If you don't do absolutely nothing, you can do it, right? <br />
<br />
@ Katha- Sweeti <br />
Thanks for the sweet picking. I'm sorry, you're right, but I hope you get back in the mood to follow Kai's strip very quickly ^^ <br /><br />
@ Melody- Mäuschen <br />
Yes, the grandfather is really heartless, he no longer sees reality and neither does anyone who supports him. They just went nuts. <br />
<br />
@aoko <br />
Ok, it wasn't that fast, but now it's here ^^ <br />
<br />
<br />
Part 20- Didn't you ever cry? <br />
<br />
I looked carefully at Kai because I didn't want to appear intrusive. His life story took me away and horrified me. I was expecting tragic events that shaped him in his childhood, but it was like a nightmare and the most terrible part was that it wasn't a dream. He swallowed and went on shakily. <br />
<br />
"So I ran away from the tournament in question. I was 11 years old then. They almost tracked me down a few times and caught me again. So I decided to leave Russia. I then came to Tokyo, where I started doing temporary jobs In summer I slept outside under bridges or in lonely alleys and in winter I could even rent a room in a youth home with the money I had saved.The only thing that kept me alive was Dranzer. We took part in small amateur tournaments. At the age of 13 I met Mr. Dickensen and he offered me to train and move into a room in the BBA training building. At first I was suspicious of him. I didn't trust anyone at all, I didn't need anyone, I could manage on my own! Even today! But I soon realized that Mr. Dickensen was not a threat and went to the BBA. A year later I had a certain reputation in the blader scene and I was the undisputed favorite at all competitions. I then met Max, Tyson and Kenny in one. Later then Ray and then we learned that a team should be put together from the best bladers at a tournament. <br />
<br />
And that was Ray, Max, Tyson and me. Kenny came with us as our mechanic. At first I just thought how I should endure it, because Tyson in particular was exhausting and very annoying. But we got together over time.I now have a strong friendship with Ray. He really became important to me. I would never have thought that ....... not after Biovolt tried to kill our feelings, except for hatred, revenge, the will to fight, to maintain and strengthen the most banal, simplest feelings. A feeling like love is much more complex, more intense and needs to be well protected. But what am I talking about ...... I ... .... know that ....... yes ...... not ........ I don't really know anything .. ..... except for blows, kicks and emotional coldness, drills and intrigues. "His eyes suddenly got small and flashed, his mouth twisted into a malicious grin. <br />
<br />
"We Bladers were no longer allowed to show feelings that could be dismissed as weakness. What does that mean? Weakness ....... is crying weak? Is happiness weak? Instead, they took our self-esteem, imprinted us, nothing except when we fought well and won.When I think about it now, I don't know what to feel now ...... anger? Hate? Desire for revenge? Or just pain over the lost time that hurt so much? What? Or still nothing at all? The only one who really hurt me and almost destroyed me back then was my grandfather. He shouldn't have let them do this to us ........ It would have worked out differently, but he made the rules. I couldn't count on him, on my only relative I knew. Most of the time, people have a close relationship with their grandparents. Grandma, who always slips her grandson with money and sweets, cooks something delicious. The grandpa who plays with a soccer ball or makes an airplane out of paper. I didn't have that. I didn't have anything. Do you want to know where my parents were all these years and also now? "Kai turned his pretty face to me and there was pain and despair in his eyes. I saw that clearly. I just nodded. He continued. <br /><br />
"I was born in the abbey, Voltaire once told me. So I always lived there until the outbreak. My parents? I don't even know them!" beautiful dark eyes look. But he didn't respond. The sardonic grin still marked the expression on his face and he looked down. "I don't know my parents at all ..... I've never seen a photo, I've never been told anything about them, I don't know anything about my parents! Everything was secret, I was just like an object, not right up to it my life. I have no idea what happened to my parents, whether they are still alive, where they are, how they are. Do I even have any? "He gave a cynical laugh. "Do you want to see something else? So that you can imagine it more figuratively? Take a look!" He stood up and stood in front of me. He looked at me, motionless and indifferent. Then he pulled his shirt over his head and held it in one hand.<br />
<br />
I immediately noticed what he was trying to show me and was horrified. His upper body showed traces of violence. On its sides there were round, scarred areas between the ribs that looked like its tubes had been passed through there. There was a narrow scar on his right side of his stomach, so his appendix had already been removed. I found more scars on his arms. I had no idea what these distortions came from and I could no longer grasp who was so cruel as to carry out experiments on people like on laboratory animals. I have fought against animal testing, but that destroyed my illusion that I would ever object to it if there was no shrinking from human testing. But that too was an illusion, because in some countries this was practiced in secret, today as it was in the past. It was too cruel. I got up and went around Kai. More puncture and scar marks could be seen on the back, right between the spinal bones.It was also extremely risky! Did you accept back injuries at Biovolt? Probably as Kai described it! I couldn't say anything, again tears welled up in my eyes and I looked at him. "Have you always been alone? Do you think that you are still now? Have you always given yourself alone to your despair, never cried? What was it that was done to you ..........." I came quietly the words over the lips. I put my hands on his cheeks and looked at him intensely. He had closed his eyes and was breathing in gusts. I pulled him close and hugged him. Just held it tight, needed the hold myself, without it I would have sunk into the straw like a pile of misery. Then I noticed how two large, warm hands lay on my hips and his head snuggled against mine. <br />
<br />
"I never cried. I couldn't do that anymore. I didn't know it any other way. You know, it was as if the abandoned boy wasn't me back then.I saw myself hovering over him and watched him. His life, his suffering, his battered body was not mine, none of it was mine, I just watched him, but I felt the pain deep inside and then I woke up and found that this boy who was crouching on the ground and pulled the duvet close, but I was. It was me - and then I ran. Now i am here. So much has changed, but it's not easy, my past is on my neck. And as you can see, it is making up the distance that separated us. Boris and his organization are here. Voltaire too, my grandfather? Do you know what's strange? He's done so much to me and the others, but I don't hate him. I feel nothing for him, not even disgust and hatred. There is just a void in my head when I think of him and I wonder if he actually exists and tormented us Beybladers. It is like a ghost, a legend, but it is real and then I can see it clearly again in front of me.Tall, with long silver-white hair. He looks strict, dictatorial, totalitarian, unmoved, his eyes radiate icy coldness and he monitors everything. <br />
He's obsessed. Obsessed with twisted ideals and dehumanized in the process. He is no longer human, just a soulless creation of himself. I should be sorry for him, he did this to himself, erased his mind, sees subjectively instead of objectively. He only has the power in his heart that he has been striving for for so long. We have to stop him and the Biovolt Corporation for good. I don't even care about him, I actually don't feel anything anymore. As if all the fires that burned inside of me have dried up, leaving only a pit into which everything fell. Mixed with my blood that flowed during the experiments. And sometimes a feeling, a memory or a hope drifts to the surface of that pit and pierces it. Yes, that's how you can describe it. <br /><br />
I've started a different life, have friends who stand by me, support me, even though I've never been easy, always like the famous lone wolf. I have a career as a Beyblade champion, my own apartment ...... I have myself ........ I am me, becoming more and more of myself. This time in the abbey, I hate it profoundly. But not the man who got it for me and laid me there in the abbey on transparent lines, locked me away until I was needed again, allowed me to be tortured, humiliated. It's funny ........, but probably only too normal, that's how the human psyche reacts ........ Well, now you actually know everything you wanted to know or I had to tell. I felt the urge to do it now. I even wanted to tell you ...... for whatever reason. But now, now you know Otherwise only the other four know that and it should stay that way. Roger that? "<br />
<br />
He lifted my face