Chapter: Thoughts of what once was

London,

sometime on a stormy, rainy summer night ...

Lavinia Mortimor, 23 years old, a graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, had lived alone in a small two-room apartment for about half a year.

After the broken engagement to a Muggle, she lives isolated from the outside world, because she never wanted to see any of these Muggles again, she hates them so much that she sat bitterly in front of her window and looked down at the streets where they scurried around like vermin and would have liked to curse her.

"Nasty ... nasty Muggles! You should curse them ... all of them!" Growled the pretty black-haired witch, but she was too good-natured for that, she would never do it, she was just so disappointed that Anthoni was betrothed to her only because he found out she was a witch.

She stretched, got up and went to her bed, where her old school uniform and cloak with the Slytherin emblem lay on it. Once there she sighed and knelt in front of it.Slowly she stroked the fabric and thought again about Professor Albus Dumbledore's offer.

He had offered her to be trained as a teacher since she was one of the best students, but Professor Snape would have continued to be her trainer.

She was plagued by a guilty conscience because she had simply disappeared into the night and fog to start a life by herself.

As a young student, she was in love with her teacher, Professor Snape.

The others had always teased her because they knew that she had been his favorite and because she was different from the others.

Her skills had been of enormous size and always had been, but she wanted to be like the others, which she had never been able to do.

Now she was alone and only the memories remained, memories of the love for him and the later reciprocation on his part.

She had been sixteen when she was the last to leave the great hall one evening after dinner to intercept Severus Snape.Somewhat lost, she had stood on the corner of the corridor and waited for him, her heart was beating up to her neck when she heard his fast steps coming down the corridor, he was alone and that was a good thing.

Lavinia took a deep breath and encouraged herself, she let him come closer and then stepped out of the shadows.

"Miss. Mortimor, you should be in your room by now!" He said in his imperious tone, which mostly meant bad things.

Shivering, she started to stutter, "V- pardon, a-but I need to talk to you Professor Snape."

"But that has time before class, miss.", He snapped, but this time he was milder, which Lavinia noticed immediately.

He stood in front of her like a big black thundercloud that would let go of a storm at any moment, but he was different than usual and she felt as if he was waiting for another reply.

"No ... Professor Snape, I have to tell you in private, it matters a lot to me.", she said now in a firmer voice, because she knew that she couldn't go on living without revealing her feelings to him.

"Very well," he said, "Then follow me to my office if it's that important."

His hard facial features were more relaxed, she had never seen him like that and she had to admit that she liked it, but these words worried her, why should she come with me, he suspected something, had he seen what she was feeling, only now, right? even beforehand during the lessons, since she was sitting in the front row, she didn't know and that made her more insecure.

He nudged her and said: "What about you? Are you dreaming with your eyes open? Well then come, or do you want another teacher to come and refer you because you are still not in your room!"

She didn't know that from him at all, why was he so unusually nice, normally he would have been the first to issue a warning.

"N- of course, sorry sir.", she exclaimed and she thought to see a smile flit across his face, but that was unbelievable, otherwise he didn't smile.

With his usual fast pace he hurried down the hallways and finally the stairs to his office, or much more laboratory down to the dungeon. Lavinia struggled to keep up with him and was happy to have finally arrived.

When he was seated behind his desk, he looked at her impatiently with his fingers crossed under his chin, as she was silent for a moment, embarrassed, but said nothing and just looked.

Lavinia, undecided, looked into the professor's dark eyes and let her gaze flicker briefly over his distinctive, austere features.

His pecking nose looked noble like an eagle's beak and his eyes sparkled like black opals in the light of the candles that were burning in the room.

An angry throat clearing woke Lavinia out of her stiffness, followed by a: "Well?" He managed.The girl swallowed hard, mustered up all her courage and began her sentence with a dry mouth: "Professor Snape ... II was going to tell you ..." She broke off and looked at the floor, embarrassed, and then up again, noticing that Snape had got up and walked around the desk. He was still looking at her searchingly, but was silent.

She hoped that he didn't hear her wild heartbeat, because her heart threatened to come out of her throat if she didn't bring it to an end quickly now.

She quickly uttered three halting words: “I - love - you!” She had barely audible babbling before, no one could have understood her, but Snape had understood her, but said: “What was that? , there was sneer in his voice or something else Lavinia couldn't define. Did he laugh at her inwardly, or was he more likely to feel like punishment.

The repetition of the three little words was punishment enough for her and she had the feeling as if her knees were made of pudding, which in turn was wrapped in cotton wool.She felt his piercing eyes directed at her, but she did not dare to look up and repeated the words in a brittle but now somewhat louder voice: "I-I- love ... you."

The young witch closed her eyes and ducked her head while she waited for the thunderstorm that would now pound on her, but it remained silent except for the footsteps that she heard coming towards her.

She looked fearfully in the direction of the professor with one eye half open and was startled.

He was now standing right in front of her, but the tall man did not look threatening, as so often, no, he stood there very calmly, whereupon Lavinia dared to lift her head to look up at him.

He raised one hand, which made the girl flinch, but he put it on her shoulder, then the next, and last but not least, gave her a kiss on the forehead.

He whispered softly: "This is nothing new to me Lavinia. You look at me furtively during class, blush when I call you and flinch when I accidentally touch you.""Oh my god!" She exclaimed, "you knew it?"

He nodded.

"B-but ... what torments me now ... what do you think of that, sir? She stammered and she felt an almost unbearable heat in her cheeks.

Snape didn't reply, but he did something that she would never have dreamed of, he pulled her close and kissed her demanding, but that was too much for Lavinia, she no longer knew where down or up was and her legs failed her their service. She found herself in the arms of the man, because she believed she loved everything, everything around her turned black and a gracious swoon enveloped her (...)

From that moment on, they often met secretly in quiet, lonely places that no one knew about and Lavinia's love grew more and more, although she was never really sure whether he was reciprocating this love or whether he was simply following his physical desires and just used them.

At first she didn't care, the main thing was that she could be close to him, she didn't care about age either, she was 16 and he was 37, it didn't bother her and hoped he would love her as much as she loved him.Graduation was approaching and with it her doubts, at 19 it was time and she had decided to simply disappear after the graduation ceremony to forget him, she thought it would be better that way, but was it really?

Four years had passed since her graduation, the love she fell into, the love for a Muggle, had burst like a soap bubble and she had given up looking for a nine love.

She sighed again and grabbed the cloak, pulled him close and buried her face in it. She felt hot tears as they sucked into the fabric and suddenly she heard a faint pounding on glass, no, it was a peck.

She looked up at the window and saw an owl, it was her, she had knocked on the window and what was that? A letter?

Lavinia jumped up, ran to the window, opened it and let the owl in, took the letter with trembling hands and stared at it.

She recognized the seal immediately, it was Snape's seal, the letter was written by himself.She hastily broke the seal and left the letter, it was impersonal and written coldly, just as it was his way.

The letter said that she was expected and that she should return as soon as possible if she was still interested in training as a teacher at Hogwarts.

It said nothing more, no greeting, no loving gesture, nothing, absolutely nothing.

That hurt her. "Why does he write so coldly after all that has happened, but that's just how he is and he wouldn't change.", She thought, crumpled up the letter and threw it in a corner of the room.

How should she act if she should return? It didn't matter in England, just like at Hogwarts, she had nothing to hold onto, so it didn't matter whether she stayed or went.

Chapter 1 end