What do you do when it's too late

A short OS.
I look forward to comments. ^^
At least I want to get better.
So criticize what it takes. ^^

What do you do when it's too late?
Is your life meaningless then?

It happened. I never wanted it to come to that ...

That was when I left Konoha. In the dark night. But you stood there and waited for me. Was my struggle so obvious? Was it really possible to see what was on my mind? Yes you could. Sakura.
I don't know why you fell in love with me. I've never been nice to anyone. I've hurt you too many times. Told you that you were annoying. But still you were there for me. Helped me when Orochimaru cursed me. You even wanted me to give up the fighting so I wouldn't have to suffer more. You always thought of my health. But again I pushed you back; Told you it's none of your business

So many times. Yes, I was to blame for all the suffering. Just because I was so stubborn. Just because I wanted my revenge. Now I have it, and? Has anything changed? For a long time I didn't want to admit it to myself, but none of that brought anything. I gave up my home and my only friends for free ...

Naruto, you wanted to stop me. You said that I was wrong. That Orochimaru just wants to take advantage of me. And today I know you were right Yes, you were right.
This fight between us ... You gave it your all. Closed a pack with the kyuubi just to stop me. Today I know that back then, not just then, you risked your life as a result. And for whom? A stupid Uchiha who said he was something better. And I have often let you feel that too. My arrogance that was inherited with my blood. I looked down on you Describes you as useless and weakling. Told you again and again how weak and stupid you are.How much you annoy me
But even though I did all of this, you even saw me as your brother. Our constant arguments made you stronger. And not just you. No. I only realized it much too late. I have also become much stronger as a result. Yes, because of such kid stuff ...
Without my noticing you became my best friend. I didn't even know that I could like someone like that. But I ignored that. I was just a kid. A stupid, lonely, little kid. Only vengeance kept me alive. She was the only goal I had left. And for that I gave up everything ...

Yes, Sakura, you wanted to stop me. Told me that you love me, that I am the most important thing to you. You stood up to me even though you knew I was stronger.
You tried to tell Naruto and me apart. To show us what we have of each other, despite our arguments ... How much we need each other. You were the only one who could see through us and interpret our feelings. You always tried to make us both happy. But we were too busy with ourselves.
But even if you love me, your bond with Naruto was always stronger. I noticed that when we were standing on top of that roof. After Naruto saved you from Gaara. At first you didn't want to believe me. Naruto had defeated Gaara single-handedly. He had defeated the boy on whom I failed miserably. Yes, it was difficult for me to understand too. I couldn't believe how strong Naruto had become. I didn't know why. I've always believed that only hatred made people stronger. And Naruto couldn't hate. Nothing and nobody. So how?
Then I saw your eyes. How you looked at Naruto. A gentle smile on your face. You too were wrong about him. But the difference to me was that you could accept it.Yes, you were happy for him. A lot. Because you didn't want to be the strongest. You never wanted that. Contrary to me. I always wanted to be the strongest. I thought that was the only way to beat my brother. My heart has been eaten away by hatred. That's why I wanted to go to Orochimaru. I thought that was the only place I could get stronger.

But when I met you almost three years later, you had changed so much.
Sakura. You knew that you were never particularly strong and that you didn't have what it took. That's why, as I found out later, you went to Tsunade to do a medic-nin training. You wanted to help too. Wanted to help your friends who were so important to you. Naruto and the others. You have trained to go looking for me with them, which has very often put you in danger.
Naruto. You tried to gain better control of your chakra with the help of one of the legendary San-nin, Jiraya. In fact, you tried to master the kyuubi chakra and risked losing yourself. Learned new techniques and even changed your character. You were no longer the little boy who wanted to compete with everyone and rashly rushed into every fight. No. You have shed your carefree manner. And again just for me.

I feel like I am to blame for everything. So many people have suffered because of me. Many who were close to me. And instead of admitting my mistake, I put it aside and just continued as before. How can a single person be so stubborn and stupid? I've asked myself this question so often. I could have had anything I always wanted. Friends. A home. Someone who likes me and helps me out of a tight spot. Yeah, I didn't want to be Mr. Universe. I also wanted to be able to succumb to an opponent because I know that someone will help me. Save and support me at the last moment. I wanted someone I could learn from.Not just techniques, but just what it means to be human. I was afraid of being alone. And yet I left everyone and voluntarily stayed alone ...

You got closer and closer. Naruto, Sakura and all the others from Konoha. You were a team because you, Naruto, brought everyone together. You, the greatest chaot on earth. With your friendly nature and above all your ninja way. You never wanted to give up your dreams. You didn't think about it for a second. You always went forward. Never go back. Even Gaara, who shared the same fate as you and was therefore hated and despised by everyone, is no longer the same. You pulled him out of the dark. You even managed to cheer him up enough to make him one of the most popular kazekages. You retrieved his already dead body from the Akatsukis because you didn't want to give it up.
In our fight at the waterfall you said I was your brother and you could understand how I feel. But I didn't believe you I even believed that since you never had a family, you will never understand. Never had this bond, these happy times with your parents and siblings.
I was so blind Because that's exactly why you could understand me so well. You never had anyone. You were hated and shunned as a baby. Because of this being in you. I had my family; was happy. I've had a happy couple of years. This privilege has been completely withheld from you. You never had the feeling of parental security that I was allowed to experience. No, I was just angry that someone had taken this feeling away from me. From one day to another. And that from my own brother. That's why I was mad at you ... Mad at everyone who felt sorry for me and expressed their condolences with faces that looked more like masks. Even then I was aware that the Uchihas were not particularly popular as humans.It was clear to me that everyone was happy to finally be rid of this family, this threat. And I just thought that you were one of those people. Or rather, I wanted to believe it. I wanted to be alone in my heart. Didn't want to let anyone near me ...
But actually you were much worse off. To live with this being in one who was to blame for the death of his parents and so many people. Only now to be seen as it. You knew that when people saw you they would think, "There the Kyuubi!" or “The demon is coming!” You knew that nobody saw you as a person. You were always immediately dismissed as a monster. Alone from morning to evening. To be avoided and holed with crooked looks.
And yet you never gave up. Your goal was always to be Hokage to be finally noticed by the others. To be respected and feared in a good sense. But not only that. You didn't just want to become a Hokage to help yourself. No. You even promised others to help them. To give you a beautiful life. Without injustices, without struggles. You wanted everyone to be able to live with a big smile on their face. That was your big dream.
And you tried to pull me into the light too. In your way. Bringing life and fun back into mine with a stupid saying and your hyperactivity. But I just looked away. Just ignored you. I never believed that someone like you could help me. Instead of going into the light, I just went into the darkness. Like at a fork in the road where two streets run parallel. I could have left the dark path at any time and entered the lighter one that you and Sakura and all the others were walking on. But I remained stubborn and walked straight ahead without looking left and right.
But today I know that I don't want to be helped. I was too proud and arrogant to admit that I needed help.I would do so much differently if I could turn back time again. If I had one more chance to roam Konoha with you or serve a mission. But Team 7 will never be complete again ...

I feel the rain pouring down on me. But I ignore the cold that paralyzes my muscles. The water that penetrates through my clothes and flows down my body.
I don't know how long I've been here. Deep in thought. Thinking about the old days ... I almost sound like an old grandpa thinking back to his youth. With a smile on your face.
But I will never be able to laugh again. My life, my mistakes, keep me from ever being happy again. No, I am doomed to live in the dark. Far from other people. Alone with my mistakes that made me what I am today.

It's been so many years since I left Konoha to pursue my wishful thinking. It's been that long since I've seen you. My brother and my lover. I'm sorry I can't tell you anymore how sorry I am. How much you helped me. To thank you for all of your troubles. To thank you for believing in me despite my stubbornness. That you waited for me. How much I love you ...
But unfortunately in vain. My insight