shadow

The loud slamming of the door pulled me out of my dreams.
"Kakashi, what's going on?" I asked sleepily and yawned once.
"I'm sorry, Runa, I didn't mean to wake you up. It's okay," he tried to calm me down in vain. I tried to look him in the eye. He knew if I did that I knew he was lying. But it was also clear to me because he was trying not to do it like that.
"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.
"Half past six," Kakashi grumbled and sat down at the table and read a letter.
Was he gone that long? It was actually unusual for him to stay away for so long. I slowly got up and started to make our breakfast. I was lost in thought and when I thought that I would see him again today and I had to grin. But that Kakashi was so angry made me feel insecure. Something must have happened, but I also knew by now that he wouldn't talk to me about it unless he thought it made sense. But it almost never was.

"I'll be gone then," I called out to him. I was sure that he didn't really notice it, so absorbed he was still in this note. He hadn't even eaten anything. Something was different today. Something was bothering him. Lost in thought I went to our little lake, even if it was actually much too early.

After what felt like 10 hours of frustrating waiting for Sasuke, I gave up. He didn't come again today. It was just afternoon, so I decided to work off my frustration. I started with my elements as always. That had always irritated everyone, I mastered them all. After that, gun training was the order of the day.
When it started to get dark, I had vented to some extent and went back to Kakashi.

This time he was home. The note was gone too.
"Runa, so early?" He asked cheerfully.
What happened here?
I looked at Kakashi in amazement and one look into his eyes told me the truth.
Nothing was good. This happiness was just an act.
"Oh, he wasn't there today," I pretended I didn't mind and he didn't ask any more about us and put the food in front of me.
I smiled gratefully at him, but he didn't even notice it. He was far too absorbed in his thoughts again. I ate and watched him do it. He seemed to be getting more and more nervous, maybe it would be better if I left him alone again?
"Kakashi?" I asked carefully.
"Mmh?"
"Can I go into the forest again?" I knew his answer anyway. He would let me go.
"Yes, you can. But don't be back too late," he said, still deep in thought.
I got up and walked cautiously towards him. His back was turned to me and I was hugging him from behind. At first he stiffened slightly from the touch, but then turned and returned it.
"No matter what it is, it will be fine," I whispered to him and went out.It was cold outside. I thought again about what I had just done. It was the first time I'd touched him like that. Even if it was difficult for me, without him I could and would not live anymore. He had given me what had been taken from me since my life in Konoha.
Trust. Security. My life.
He had become like a father, brother and best friend at the same time to me. Everything I had missed since my escape and I was grateful to him for everything.
I wrapped my arms around myself because it was getting colder in the forest.

At some point I came to a clearing that I had never been to before. The moon was high above the clearing, it was a breathtaking moment, only I was missing someone by my side.
Sasuke.
Sighing, I continued towards the clearing and let myself fall in the middle of the grass. I felt weird, as if I was being watched. It has been going on for the last few days. But here so alone in the forest it was scary.

"Runa?" I winced. Why did he suppress his chakra?
I got up and looked into these two black lakes, in which I could always get lost. So many questions burned my tongue, but when I saw his gaze they were only thoughts in my head. He came up to me and took my hand and led me through the forest. Nobody said a word and so it happened that without anyone having said anything, they led me to our training location.
Only then did he stop and take my second hand. His gaze was too intense to tear away from him. That all-too-present pain spoke from them and a new one, but tonight there was something else, warm. I looked up at him questioning and demanding. A warm smile slipped over his shapely lips as he slowly leaned down. He put his lips gently on mine. First carefully, then more and more passionately. I pressed myself close to his body and he pulled me towards him.
"Sasuke, I ..." I breathed as we broke up.
"I'm sorry, I have to go," he interrupted me in a whisper.

My heart stopped. He pulled away from me completely and kissed my forehead.
"Maybe we'll see each other again someday, Runa," he whispered before turning around and leaving. I stared in the direction he had disappeared and slowly I understood what he was saying.
He left me. Betrayed me. Betrayed. Left alone.
Slowly I fell to my knees and clapped my hands in the ground.
Just go away. He kissed me and disappeared.
Used.
This time I did nothing to stop the burning sensation inside me. I was happy to allow the pain. Desperate, I curled up on the floor and cried and screamed. I'd rather die than be alone again.
The clearing was brightly lit again and the shadows of the night tried to reach for it, but none was strong enough.I closed my eyes and saw the whole forest before me, brightly lit. Just not a stain. It was in the direction in which it had disappeared. Gone forever. Just go away.
One last loud scream slipped from me before I welcomed into the darkness ...
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Hey :)
I'm thinking of writing the next chapter from Kakshi's point of view, so that the background might be a little clearer and also that with the note and his mood from this chapter.
What do you think is that ok?

lg Runa-chan

PS:
You would still help me a lot if other people would leave their feedback here, that would be really seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehr nice;)