Title: Lost


Author: Farina


Email: FarinaXDanni@aol.com


Disclaimer: None of the Charas are mine * sniff *






Lost in thought I lie on my bed. Eyes closed. I've been trying to get a clear thought for days, but I can't.


I hear the rain pounding on the window pane and on the roof. I look outside It's just noon, but the sky is almost black. Actually, the weather suits my mood exactly.


Was it really right to travel back in time a third time with the time machine? I just haven't got this question out of my head since I got here. It was probably a mistake - one of many - because I'm just as lonely here as at home, the only difference being that I don't belong in this time. Mother made that clear to me often enough.


A lonely tear rolls down my cheek. "Gomen nasai Okaa-san ..." I say softly.At the crucial moment I wasn't there to protect her. When I found her dead, a world collapsed for me. I don't know who did it, but even if I did, it wouldn't change a thing. She was the only person I had left. I miss my mother, her warm smile, her affection, her understanding - just everything about her. It hurts to think of her. My eyes fill with tears that are now running down my cheeks. Actually, I don't want to cry, my father would say it's a sign of weakness. But is that really it? Aren't tears a sign of strength because you let your feelings run free and are not ashamed of them? I don't know and I decide not to think about it anymore.


I've been here for a full week. Mother, Goku and all the others, they welcomed me so kindly and comforted me when they found out about Bulma's death in my time domain.I had that feeling of warmth and security again.


But that was also a week ago. Not much has happened since then. Everyone has more or less to do with themselves and no time to spend hours looking after me. Most of the time I lie alone in my room and think. I feel that I'm out of place here, even if everyone is so nice to me.


Even father is friendly, if you take it seriously, he is the friendliest of them all. He actually seems to be very worried about me. Every day he came to see me. Up until now I haven't appreciated that, I've always sent him away. He hasn't come to me today and I'm slowly starting to realize how much he means to me.


I sat up with a jerk. I have made the decision to leave this time again, it is definitely the best for everyone.


I go out of my room. On the way to the front door I pass the living room.I take a quick look. Father and mother play with trunks. The little one looks so cheerful and happy. I smile. Take care.


Father, I was happy that I got to know you. You are exactly as mother described you, well almost, at least you have shown me in the last few days that you too can develop feelings and that you care about me. I thank you for everything.


Trunks, I'm glad that you will have it better than me. You will grow up as the richest child in a peaceful world and you will have no worries, and you will have a mother and father who will always be by your side.


And you mother, I hope you enjoy life with your two "men", I wish you all the best. Stay the way you are and take care of yourself.


Quietly and unnoticed, I am leaving Capsule Corporation. I'm flying to a cliff in the mountains. The air is cold and the rain soaks my clothes and hair.


I take out my time machine on the cliff."Hope" is emblazoned there in large letters. Hope, actually the sheer irony. Yes, I had hope that my future would also improve when I traveled to the past and defeated the Cyborgs and Cell there together with the others, but unfortunately it wasn't like that. My hope to build a new world passed away a week ago with my mother.


I briefly consider whether I should travel to my time plane again, then I shake my head and destroy the time machine with an energy beam.


Now I am collecting energy in my hand again, much more energy than before. I put my hand to my chest and fire off the energy beam. It hurts, it takes a lot of effort to suppress a scream, the tears well up in my eyes.


I lie on the floor bleeding profusely. I look to the sky Slowly a few of the clouds are dispelling and releasing the sun. Sun - light - hope - peace for this world and its inhabitants, this seems to be not just a dream but a reality.I have never known peace, but hope has, but it was destroyed anew every time.


I slowly close my eyes. Do what you humans do with your life. All doors are open to you, then you will be better off than me, then you will be happy and be able to enjoy the peace.


I see a bright light, that must be death then. If someone asked me if I was scared, I would say no. For me it is more of a release from all the torments and pains of the past years. Gohan never feared death either. Mother I'll be back with you soon. Please forgive me father, I am not worthy of being your son.




Trunks