Why?!?!?

Here I am again. I sat in school and started to write and what came out of it, you probably prefer to read yourself.
Those of you who are waiting for the 3rd chapter of "Jealousy and Other Embarrassments", I would like to ask you to be patient, because I am busy writing and try to finish the chapter before Christmas.
I will now write to it day and half nights so that you don't have to wait any longer.
Now I'll stop texting you and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Why is my life so ruined?
I feel like all of my friends are moving away from me
although I don't want to.
Why?
Is that how I changed?
I just closed myself off from my parents and my ex-boyfriend
but unfortunately I closed myself off from all my friends,
I didn't want that at all.
Why did it all happen?Why?
I'm scared, scared of being alone.
Fear of loneliness.
Afraid that I will distance myself from my friends
I just want to be like this
how I am in my free time.
I don't want to have to pretend anymore
as in the 7th and 8th grade.
Because that's how I lost a good friend of mine.
Why does my life have to end like this?
Why can't I be happy?
Why is everyone moving away from me?
I will only close myself to my mother now
because I hate them.
I hate her so much
that sometimes I don't talk to her.
Like last weekend.
My life is ruined
I am exhausted.
I only live on reserves.
When these are used up,
then my life is over.
Why did my life change so suddenly?
Why did I run out of willpower?
Why are they all disappearing?
Why don't you stay here?
Do you hate me so much?Why are you staying with me
You were always there
when I felt bad.
We have been friends for 7 years.
We only really fought once.
But we made up again and are now inseparable,
like pitch and brimstone.
Why is my soul so free around you.
Free as the Wind.
Why?
With you I am the way I am and not different.
Why?
Why is all this happening to me?
Why is my life so shitty all of a sudden?
But why?
I don't want and can no longer.
I am devastated.
I am helpless and without strength.
I'm lonely and alone with my worries.
I can't tell my problems to anyone but you.
I'm useless
Nobody would miss me anyway
except for some of my family
that I like very much.
So why stay alive?
Why not just jump off a bridge
And put an end to his life?
Why can't i?
Why do I have to suffer?
Why!!!!!
Do you all hate me so much
that I wish you were deadI want to know,
what I did to you!
Why you hate me!
Why you torment my soul!
But I will probably never find out.

~~~~~
I hope you don't think I want to kill myself now, but unfortunately this is part of my life.
I will not kill myself because I will be killed again by some in the grave because I could not continue writing my other FF. **G**
So until the third chapter of jealousy and other embarrassments.

Ciau water palm