Translation
Running away
Angst, vergessen zu werden
Running away
This FF is a bit older .. Christmas ...
Hm ... I'm so sorry for Kyo ... that's why he's getting an FF now ... I hope it doesn't get too sappy ...
Tip: For the story you should listen to "Who will love me now" by PJ Harvey, I also do that ^ - ^ while writing
He stumbled more than he ran, he was breathing fast and his lungs burned.
Driven by unfathomable panic, he fell in front of him and drove himself on and on.
Kyo couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to get away, far, far away from this place. He didn't know where to run and wanted to get to nowhere.
He hated Yuki, he hated that wretched rat more than anything. No, he knew that wasn't true, not entirely anyway. Not only did he hate Yuki, he hated the whole Soma family, he hated them for excluding him.
He belonged nowhere, was nowhere at home, nobody cared what he was doing. It didn't matter whether he was alive or not, he could just have died in front of her ... die ...Sometimes words that people find so bad sound so beautiful. So peaceful, so quiet, so relieving. So redeeming.
He hated them ... he hated them because they hated him. They hated him because everything he did was wrong.
Kyo didn't cry, he had sworn not to cry, never, because he didn't want to be weak, at least not so that you could see it. He kept it to himself, within himself ... all the suffering, all the pain, all the longing for people who understood him and who wanted to understand him. But at some point a person is full of it and enough.
Kyo hadn't been able to take in anything for a long time, he was exhausted and at the end of his nerves.
They didn't know, but what they said so often and what they thought was perfectly normal, that hurt Kyo the most. Sure, Yuki had insulted him many times and in many ways ... Failure, that always hit Kyo pretty badly (even if he didn't show it), but these few words, Kyo found the worst."You're annoying." Kyo, you're annoying .... how many times had they all said that to him?
It showed Kyo her dislike so blatantly, "You're annoying", it showed him that he should go. That they didn't want him with them. That He was bothering them, not just in that one moment they said that, but in their entire life.
And all he wanted was a place where he belonged, one where he knew he was home. Not just one where he was tolerated or one where he lived. He needed a place where he was needed. Which one was happy when he was there. When he had friends.
But Kyo's only friend was loneliness.
He lived completely lonely, completely alone, somewhere in the world, without people who knew him. Or better; wanted to know.
Now he did it after all, tears came out of the corner of his eye and he felt helplessly how they made their way over his skin.
He tried to run faster, away, away from this place and away from every other place.Back to solitude.
At some point he could no longer walk. He was somewhere, as always.
He had arrived in a forest, it was getting dark and Kyo didn't know his way around. But Kyo wasn't afraid of anything like that. He was afraid of being forgotten, he was afraid of being alone forever, but he was also afraid of going back. To where he was not valued, where he was not tolerated and where he was laughed at.
Out of breath he fell on his knees, he was trembling. From the cold. From the cold that had taken over him and that seemed to destroy him more and more.
a single tear pearled from his face and fell into the soft, dirty moss under his hands.
He clawed his fingers into the damp, green growth and felt earth under his fingernails.
Panting, he tried to calm his breath.
The images of Akito popped into his mind.
"You have to adapt."he said.
"But I'll do everything I can! You still don't accept me!" Kyo had screamed angrily.
"Sometimes," Akito replied coldly, "you just have to take a step more."
Whimpering, the lonely boy sank down further and further.
He rolled onto his back, his eyes pressed tightly together, as if hoping that when he opened them again, a new, good world would be revealed to him.
The uneven forest floor pricked Kyo's skin with its thorns.
Still trembling, he opened his eyes and he had to surrender to another shiver of tears.
Weakling ... you can't even keep what you promise yourself ...
What should he do?
Where should he go
Was there anywhere in the world where he could be happy?
He would have loved to have been part of the Soma family. He would have loved it so damn it ... he would have done anything for it.
Everything.
He felt the tiny peaks in Kyo's body with every breath.But he didn't want to leave.
This pain ... it did so well.
He had clenched his teeth and tears kept streaming down his reddened cheeks as Kyo straightened up.
He hated to howl, that didn't really go with his quick-tempered character and his tough appearance.
But he did and he felt miserable about it.
With erratic movements he pulled his pocket knife out of his pocket[what a stupid choice -. -]and let it snap open.
He stared at the blade of the knife, despair growing in him.
... it was burning pain that shot through him as he ran the knife through his own skin, and he hastily pulled it away. But no sooner had the pain subsided a bit, did he want to put the blade on his forearm again and he did it again. And again...
The pain ate its way into his consciousness and suppressed everything else. ... and that was what he needed.All of his worries, his fears and his despair, they were drowned in waves of pain that began to reverberate over and over again.
-They were right back, but those tiny moments when Kyo was pounding his forearm ... he felt good.
How far I've already sunk ... a new tear flashed in Kyo's eye and he dropped the knife.
He clawed his orange hair, which was bobbing wildly in the gentle wind.
His body shook when he got up.
He went on swaying slightly, he had no idea why. A little later he came to a stop at a ravine, almost fell, he hadn't noticed her ..
He stared lost in thought into the rushing, dark water that flowed far, far below him, and wondered what was wilder, the raging river - or his soul.
He looked into the now black, starless sky and thought about the Soma family.
... "You have to adapt" ...
... he could have died before their eyes ... die ...Kyo looked down again.
... you're annoying ...
... loneliness ... completely lonely ...
... fear of being forgotten ...
Kyo smiled pained. He took a step forward.
... sometimes ... ... you just have to take a step more ...
ENDÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Shit, what kind of whisk did I write there ?! Hopefully it didn't get so boring ... shit ...
Do I read it now or do I leave it? .... Okay, I'll read it again, but then I'll upload it, after all, it was all my Tuesday night spent on it. POOP I MISSED SCRUBS !!! Shit ...
Hm ... well, it doesn't matter, it's Christmas in 8 minutes!
I thank you in advance for every picking I get (if I get some -.-)
[Usually I write one after every picking I get, but that looks stupid because I made half of the comments myself O_o. So I'll leave that!Thanks for reading! ]
You can also write me a mail: Zitronenbaiser @ web. de!
Dankööööööööööööö for reading and tschöööööööööööööss!
(Oh yes: Merry Christmas! (It's 0:09 a.m.;) :)
Hm ... I'm so sorry for Kyo ... that's why he's getting an FF now ... I hope it doesn't get too sappy ...
Tip: For the story you should listen to "Who will love me now" by PJ Harvey, I also do that ^ - ^ while writing
He stumbled more than he ran, he was breathing fast and his lungs burned.
Driven by unfathomable panic, he fell in front of him and drove himself on and on.
Kyo couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to get away, far, far away from this place. He didn't know where to run and wanted to get to nowhere.
He hated Yuki, he hated that wretched rat more than anything. No, he knew that wasn't true, not entirely anyway. Not only did he hate Yuki, he hated the whole Soma family, he hated them for excluding him.
He belonged nowhere, was nowhere at home, nobody cared what he was doing. It didn't matter whether he was alive or not, he could just have died in front of her ... die ...Sometimes words that people find so bad sound so beautiful. So peaceful, so quiet, so relieving. So redeeming.
He hated them ... he hated them because they hated him. They hated him because everything he did was wrong.
Kyo didn't cry, he had sworn not to cry, never, because he didn't want to be weak, at least not so that you could see it. He kept it to himself, within himself ... all the suffering, all the pain, all the longing for people who understood him and who wanted to understand him. But at some point a person is full of it and enough.
Kyo hadn't been able to take in anything for a long time, he was exhausted and at the end of his nerves.
They didn't know, but what they said so often and what they thought was perfectly normal, that hurt Kyo the most. Sure, Yuki had insulted him many times and in many ways ... Failure, that always hit Kyo pretty badly (even if he didn't show it), but these few words, Kyo found the worst."You're annoying." Kyo, you're annoying .... how many times had they all said that to him?
It showed Kyo her dislike so blatantly, "You're annoying", it showed him that he should go. That they didn't want him with them. That He was bothering them, not just in that one moment they said that, but in their entire life.
And all he wanted was a place where he belonged, one where he knew he was home. Not just one where he was tolerated or one where he lived. He needed a place where he was needed. Which one was happy when he was there. When he had friends.
But Kyo's only friend was loneliness.
He lived completely lonely, completely alone, somewhere in the world, without people who knew him. Or better; wanted to know.
Now he did it after all, tears came out of the corner of his eye and he felt helplessly how they made their way over his skin.
He tried to run faster, away, away from this place and away from every other place.Back to solitude.
At some point he could no longer walk. He was somewhere, as always.
He had arrived in a forest, it was getting dark and Kyo didn't know his way around. But Kyo wasn't afraid of anything like that. He was afraid of being forgotten, he was afraid of being alone forever, but he was also afraid of going back. To where he was not valued, where he was not tolerated and where he was laughed at.
Out of breath he fell on his knees, he was trembling. From the cold. From the cold that had taken over him and that seemed to destroy him more and more.
a single tear pearled from his face and fell into the soft, dirty moss under his hands.
He clawed his fingers into the damp, green growth and felt earth under his fingernails.
Panting, he tried to calm his breath.
The images of Akito popped into his mind.
"You have to adapt."he said.
"But I'll do everything I can! You still don't accept me!" Kyo had screamed angrily.
"Sometimes," Akito replied coldly, "you just have to take a step more."
Whimpering, the lonely boy sank down further and further.
He rolled onto his back, his eyes pressed tightly together, as if hoping that when he opened them again, a new, good world would be revealed to him.
The uneven forest floor pricked Kyo's skin with its thorns.
Still trembling, he opened his eyes and he had to surrender to another shiver of tears.
Weakling ... you can't even keep what you promise yourself ...
What should he do?
Where should he go
Was there anywhere in the world where he could be happy?
He would have loved to have been part of the Soma family. He would have loved it so damn it ... he would have done anything for it.
Everything.
He felt the tiny peaks in Kyo's body with every breath.But he didn't want to leave.
This pain ... it did so well.
He had clenched his teeth and tears kept streaming down his reddened cheeks as Kyo straightened up.
He hated to howl, that didn't really go with his quick-tempered character and his tough appearance.
But he did and he felt miserable about it.
With erratic movements he pulled his pocket knife out of his pocket[what a stupid choice -. -]and let it snap open.
He stared at the blade of the knife, despair growing in him.
... it was burning pain that shot through him as he ran the knife through his own skin, and he hastily pulled it away. But no sooner had the pain subsided a bit, did he want to put the blade on his forearm again and he did it again. And again...
The pain ate its way into his consciousness and suppressed everything else. ... and that was what he needed.All of his worries, his fears and his despair, they were drowned in waves of pain that began to reverberate over and over again.
-They were right back, but those tiny moments when Kyo was pounding his forearm ... he felt good.
How far I've already sunk ... a new tear flashed in Kyo's eye and he dropped the knife.
He clawed his orange hair, which was bobbing wildly in the gentle wind.
His body shook when he got up.
He went on swaying slightly, he had no idea why. A little later he came to a stop at a ravine, almost fell, he hadn't noticed her ..
He stared lost in thought into the rushing, dark water that flowed far, far below him, and wondered what was wilder, the raging river - or his soul.
He looked into the now black, starless sky and thought about the Soma family.
... "You have to adapt" ...
... he could have died before their eyes ... die ...Kyo looked down again.
... you're annoying ...
... loneliness ... completely lonely ...
... fear of being forgotten ...
Kyo smiled pained. He took a step forward.
... sometimes ... ... you just have to take a step more ...
ENDÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Shit, what kind of whisk did I write there ?! Hopefully it didn't get so boring ... shit ...
Do I read it now or do I leave it? .... Okay, I'll read it again, but then I'll upload it, after all, it was all my Tuesday night spent on it. POOP I MISSED SCRUBS !!! Shit ...
Hm ... well, it doesn't matter, it's Christmas in 8 minutes!
I thank you in advance for every picking I get (if I get some -.-)
[Usually I write one after every picking I get, but that looks stupid because I made half of the comments myself O_o. So I'll leave that!Thanks for reading! ]
You can also write me a mail: Zitronenbaiser @ web. de!
Dankööööööööööööö for reading and tschöööööööööööööss!
(Oh yes: Merry Christmas! (It's 0:09 a.m.;) :)