This little text just swirled around in my head and somehow I had to write it down and post it here. I don't know why, but in a way it fits my FF "Once upon a time everything was different". I hope you like it and have fun reading it. But I can't guarantee anything ^^

Cold.
It's so damn cold. The wind blows icy through the steppe, swirls sand like dust up in hectic eddies, punishes my skin with innumerable scratches that I don't even feel. How am I supposed to feel it too?
Unfeeling, emotionless, icy like the wind that disheveled my hair.
On the drop of a cliff, that's where I stand. Stand and sway under the weight of my life.
Desolate like this steppe. My life.

I hate you.
Yes, exactly which one you are reading this text right now. Do you think it's just a text? Just a damn text? God, how wrong you are ... It is my life, my suffering, my everything. My feelings, my pain. Just mine. You think you can take it from meFar from it, my little one, you can't. Not even in the depths of your mind will you find a way to stop me, to wrest from me what is dear to my heart. It's mine, don't destroy it.

You think you can make me fall Do you really think so, are you that stupid?
Tell me how you gonna do it Through physical pain. Emotional pain? Believe me, I've been through it all. You can't hurt me, not again.
I am strong, you should know best Which blood is running through my veins? What genes make me suffer this pain every day? None less than yours ...

I am wavering.
Soon i will fall Fall into the depths of this cliff, into the abyss of this wasteland, into my own created end.
But could I have created it myself? Would it ever exist without help? No ... I got help from the best. Would there be my end without you I doubt it.You once taught me to never give up. Never letting even the slightest bit of self-doubt come to light. I listened to you father, I never gave myself the nakedness to show even a spark of a feeling. How would i have? I haven't had something like this since I knew you ...

Help me father, I'm slowly losing my footing. My knees give way, I can no longer feel my feet, any more than my mind. Kill him father, kill him so he won't torment me anymore. Make me hard for this world, I can't take it anymore ...

My legs! I don't see them anymore. Where are you father? What have I done that I have to endure this myself? The blackness of the abyss comes closer and closer, envelops me as I lose my grip under my feet.
I fall.
Fall into an uncertain future and escape from a painfully certain past. Where are you?
I need you, even though I know that your hands will only give my body more momentum.I would fall faster, disappear faster from this world, which has slowly but crippled my mind.
But come my author, come father and kill the rest of my mind as well.

Darkness envelops me All my bones are aching, my organs are contracting, will the pain never end? Even now that I'm completely free?
My arms spread out, exhausted eyelids lie over eyes that have grown tired of seeing.
I don't want to see anything anymore, don't want to hear anything, except for the noise that sounds so bestial in my ears.

The few pieces of clothing that cover my body flutter in the break of the wind, run the risk of tearing completely and revealing invisible wounds.
The ground is getting closer and closer, I can feel it, Father, I see it! Come see me fall Come over and watch me fight your case that I created especially for me.

I don't feel anything anymore.
I think there is nothing in me anymore.Or what do you mean father? Is there anything else? Inside of me? Something trying to come out? Like when we met? Back then...
If I could still smile now, I would do it on the spot.
Do you still remember? The first moment I realized who you are God I was so proud ... Proud that it is you, you, whom I always looked at with admiration, to whom I looked up. You were a role model and even now you still are. My role model...

It doesn't hurt. No more. I am empty, completely drained, no longer able to move.
Do I still have a body, is it still there? Or is it just my torturous mind that I asked you to kill?
Look father, now I am lying here. Lie here at your feet, in the dust and dirt. Haven't I always loathed them? Tell me, I don't remember ... Tell it! Tell me the truth that I can no longer grasp ...
One look is given to me.
Is it sad Maybe even confusion?No, I can't imagine anything other than pride ever reigning in your eyes. Proud of me No, only your false pride because of your own person has blazed in the abyss of your soul since I have known you.
But tell me, do you have a soul? Do you have such a treasure?

My breath is getting shallower. There is nothing more you can do. Why don't i see you anymore
Why are you hiding in the dark Haven't you been doing this for so many years? Hid you from me Do not do it! Not now!
I hear your words, your judgmental words.
Although I suffered the end you created for me, committed the deeds you had chosen for me and still ... I denied my own case.
This time you didn't win father.
Not this time ...