The short sunny time was now over. There was now nothing left in the world that would have prevented me from falling unnoticed and abysmal, gradually but surely. But I didn't feel anything about it. What had happened to me? I had searched for answers for too long, hoped for too long, to ultimately be disappointed. The last spark in me disappears. My life seemed like a vacuum, meaningless and inexplicable.

In a cold world, wrapped in a thick layer of insulation, I breathed in the icy December air. As I walked the street alone, I felt like the loneliest person in the world. My heart froze and I smiled, imperceptibly bitterly.

It started to snow, but I didn't want to go home yet. In the deserted park I chose a bench that was hidden away from the path. There, surrounded by branches, I came when I wanted to be alone. Alone in my world

I don't know how long I've been sitting there.It got dark quite early and a tired, cruel veil lay over the park. The snow fell slowly from the sky, more and more to block my view even more. I could barely perceive anything and closed my eyes contentedly. Maybe if I fell asleep now I would never wake up ... But why should I? I shouldn't care. At that moment I thought I was happy. No matter if it was just an illusion, I put up with it.

"Wake up! You mustn't fall asleep!"

"Mariko!"

I heard someone calling my name from an uncertain distance. Why then? Who wanted to bring me back? I resisted it.

"Mariko! Wake up!"

Now I can hear the voice clearly. It came immediately, accompanied by violent shaking.

I unwillingly opened my eyes a crack. A figure held me and shook me as it kept talking to me.

I tried to concentrate to see the shape.I strained my eyes to perceive more precisely, but I caught the voice. It was Yami's deep, cool voice, but this time unusually excited.

"Yami." I managed.

Then I saw Yami's eyes. They were torn open and looked at me intently. The purple color glowed in the dark. I didn't understand how Yami could appear here in this situation.

"How...?"

I tried to ask.

"You have to go home quickly, Mariko. You could have died here."

Yami helped me on my feet. I couldn't feel my limbs anymore. But I insisted on running myself. So instead of carrying me, he supported me.

The memory of what had happened slowly returned. It was already completely dark, a thick layer of snow lay on the earth. It had stopped snowing.

I didn't want to be helped by Yami. Because I found it embarrassing that he in particular had found me in this state. I would have loved to run away alone, but I couldn't.My feet wouldn't carry me. In fact, Yami was holding almost all of my weight, and it made me feel completely stupid again.

Yami took me home. My parents weren't back yet. I wanted to send him away from the front door. It is as if I could stand alone, but inevitably supported myself on the door. He saw through my lie, took me to my room, laid me down and covered me up.

"You need something warm," he said and disappeared into the kitchen.

After a few minutes he came with a large cup of hot lemon tea. I took it and drank.

"Do you want to eat something?"

I shook my head but he still brought me some hot toast.

I was too weak to protest. When I was done I felt really better and felt my fingers and toes again. But there was an uncomfortable tingling sensation on the skin, which should indicate the reactivated nerve lines.

"Maybe I should call the doctor.", says Yami and looked at me. I shook my head violently. Because I wanted to be left alone. Besides, it was nobody's business.

"It's getting late. Better go home."

In reality, my parents would be back in half an hour, and I also didn't know what to do with Yami. His presence unsettled me and forced myself to appear much more cheerful than I actually felt.

Yami gave me a vague look. I thought I could read worry and sadness in it. Then he said goodbye and wished me a speedy recovery.

When Yami closed the door behind him, I couldn't hold back my tears. I finally began to sob and couldn't save myself from despair. I cried until I heard my parents come back. You probably thought I was asleep because the door to my room was locked. I kept crying until it got past midnight and tears stopped coming.Then I finally fell asleep from physical and mental exhaustion.

I had a high fever for the next few days. I stayed home alone and watched the most boring TV shows. Otherwise I just slept and took vitamin C supplements. My condition slowly but surely improved. The following week I would be able to go to the hated school again.

I didn't want to go to school. Because I knew what that would mean for me. Yami would be there and he would certainly speak to me about that incident or my illness. But I wouldn't be able to tell him anything.

I went to school on Monday anyway. I had no other choice, because I had to catch up a lot and manage the remaining exams. I behaved as inconspicuously as possible, avoided other classmates and answered all questions as briefly and concisely as possible. I kept what really happened to myself.

Then I saw Yami in class.He smiled at me and his eyes seemed to convey joy. But I smiled politely and only greeted them dryly. Then I turned around so I wouldn't have to see his disappointed look on his face.

So I was back, but it didn't mean anything to me. I didn't feel anything. Still, I knew I had to thank Yami. But not now. Only when I would be able to behave "normally" again. Unfortunately, that day still seemed very distant in the uncertain future.