When I had a lot of free time, I liked to draw pictures. Anything that occurred to me or what I felt at the moment. This is how I tried to express myself. I was only able to express my real feelings indirectly. About pictures, texts, music and dance. But because they could be interpreted so differently and were never unambiguous, I mostly did not find the desired harmony with the recipients. Sometimes I was admired for my so-called abilities, but no one could see through the screen into my heart. My heart was lonely, cold and unnoticed in the dark.

Today drew a big eye. It was a magical eye that sucked out people's souls. I found this idea cruel and at the same time terribly beautiful.

If my soul could float free, I would be able to travel all over the world and no one would ever notice me. Wouldn't it be awesome? I would like to know how to live like that as a ghost.I actually found the idea of ​​not having a real body very practical. A body was far too vulnerable, far too weak and only prevented us from looking into our soul. The soul actually embodied the most important things for humans. Or is it not?

And my soul had been lonely for too long.

"No !!!!! Please don't leave me !!!!!" I called after the people who turned their backs on me. I recognized my father, mother, brother, some of my former friends in the crowd. And in the middle of it I saw Yami. His purple eyes looked blankly at me. But he didn't see me. None of the people saw me and didn't hear my calls. I cried and screamed. They all went away until I could no longer see them.

Now I noticed that I was standing on the edge of a deep abyss and slowly let myself fall naturally.

I woke up from the fall. It was about four in the morning. I was drenched in sweat and had tears in my eyes.The dream seemed so realistic to me. Everything was so scary to me and I was still scared.

I couldn't get back to sleep. I have had such nightmares a number of times since I was a child. Perhaps in my "sensitive phase" I failed to build trust in my caregivers and my surroundings, the psychologists would now say with all their expert knowledge. In fact, my "caregivers" changed constantly, just like my living environment. I had no control over it at all. So I was at the mercy of the decision-makers, just like in a dream ...

I often wished to forget everything that was past, but I just couldn't. A person's previous experiences determined his entire life. There is something true in that. People around me came and went. Some of them said they would always help me, protect me and I should trust them, but they would leave me when they found good opportunities, just like the others.They said they loved me, but in my darkest hours I was always surrounded by loneliness. Because they had more important things to do than take care of my little problems or just listen to me. In the course of time I learned never to love another person so much that they could inflict pain on me, control me and manipulate me at will.

I decided to stay lonely but independent.

But deep in my heart my soul cried out for warmth, for understanding, for love.

These calls would go unheard forever.

I turned on the light and read some book to distract myself from the dark thoughts. When it was getting light outside, I went back to school.