I wanted to see Yami again. (What's going on now ?!)

Sometimes I would walk past his front door but never meet him. Besides, I was too busy to go to his living environment.

We lived in two different worlds, although only a few blocks away. But I couldn't go to him. He certainly didn't want to see me. Not after what happened.

I wish he was happy again now. Maybe now he had found a friend who always wanted to be there for him and who was now taking on the role that I couldn't play for him.

All I wanted was for you to be happy I didn't mean to burden you. I would rather endure my suffering alone than see you suffer with me. To have you down next to me would break my soul.

Believe me, it was better that way, even if you might not understand.

The evening wind blew through my loose hair. It was a Saturday evening and I was walking towards the long rays of the setting sun.It was good to have time for a little walk again. Behind me I heard a familiar voice calling my name, but I couldn't identify it right away and turned around.

Yami was standing behind me.

He was wearing a dark blue jacket that flattered his slim figure very much. His eyes spoke, but I didn't understand them.

I greeted him a little tense and waited for his reaction.

"You have changed, Mariko," he said. "Long time no see."

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"How to take it. I can't complain," he replied. "And you?"

"OK. Nothing special."

"I was wondering where you were all along, then I heard from some that you had changed schools. Do you like it better there now?"

"Quite alright..."

"You know ... you are the hardest, most selfish and lying person I have ever come across," he managed suddenly. (Pure truth)

"You have every reason to hate me."I said, trying to stay calm, even though he was right.

Instead of reproaching me further, he switched to a gentler tone and said:

"I missed you. I thought I would never see you again."

With that he had finally beaten me. (You don't need any art to hit you either)

So you missed me too. Deep in my consciousness, not a day or night went by that I did not think of you. I was looking for something to do to distract myself. I wanted to be completely exhausted at the end of each day and no longer able to stay awake with my thoughts for long. It was deep pain that I sank into the dark abyss of my perception.

Every time something reminded me of this past with you, a few words, a melody, a picture or an object that brought the feelings back to life for a short time, this endless sadness flooded me and I had to withdraw for my tears to hide.But then reality ebbed and I went about my usual life.

Actually, I didn't think it would be possible for you to love me, you know. I just couldn't imagine myself in connection with such a great happiness. Everything I believed I identified as love betrayed and hurt me painfully. Since then this word had only gained negative meaning for me. At the time, I swore to myself that I would never be fooled again.

I made up my mind never to love again.

But what you gave me was beyond my mind For the first time in my life I was so tearlessly happy. For the first time, life felt so real and I didn't know how to cope with it. I wasn't prepared for that. With you, outbursts of emotions happened so naturally, without coercion or doubt. It scared me. I had never learned to just accept happiness as it came.I didn't want to believe that it was all different this time.

It was a long, long evening and a night of a thousand nights. (What happened then?) We only fell asleep towards sunrise and only woke up in the light of the midday sun.

I had Yami back and was there for him as he has always been there for me. With him I didn't feel any fear, no more darkness. Because I knew that he understood me and would endure any situation with me.

He understood me because we were alike in our souls. Strong and fragile, sensitive and vulnerable, deep and inscrutable.

Yami would never let me down. For the first time in my life, I trusted someone with all my heart. I enjoyed this indescribably beautiful feeling of having arrived at a safe haven somewhere.

Precisely because I searched for it (happiness) for so long, longed for it so much and suffered so much as a result, I found it all the more precious and unique.So much tiredness ... How had I fought in those years without a goal in mind ... How had I always pushed myself beyond my limits, disguised myself and slandered my feelings ... It had cost me so much effort and was completely worthless, meaningless, superfluous.

I saw myself approaching the people who loved me and had to leave the world. The people who meant so much to me and yet I could never see them again. I loved her again, I returned to the world of life. Yami had freed me from the realm of shadows. (I had heard this sentence before somewhere ...)

Needless to say, I was so happy when Yami and I found each other again.

It was autumn again and the two of us sat in the park. Sun flooded the bright colors in which nature had dressed. I watched the pond and remembered the last time I stared at it and what had crossed my mind."Yami, what do you think of when you look at the pond long enough?"

"Hm ...", Yami directed his gaze to the water surface covered with leaves. "Something mysterious, hidden, intangible ..."

"Like your eyes?"

"What?" Yami stopped short. "Should I take that as an insult or praise?"

We laughed and forgot about it.

I spent two happy years with Yami. (Wow. That went quickly) The time passed unnoticed when you were enjoying untroubled happiness. One did not often look back on the past in a happy mood, because one expected so much from life. And when you got it, it was taken for granted.

But life could not always go on so carefree.