It was our senior year of school and we were preparing for our graduation. During our time together, we discussed what might be in store for us next.

Yami wanted to study law or medicine. His wish was to help people and make the world a better place to live. (Law or medicine? Oh dear ...)

I gravitated towards economics. Because somehow I was interested in it and wanted to broaden my horizons in this aspect. (How to make money etc?)

We planned to start our studies in the same city, preferably in the city where we lived. So we did our best to get the appropriate grades.

Yami shouldn't have a problem with that because he was actually always better than me at school. Learning was not difficult for him. I was a little worried about my performance, but luckily the requirements in my intended subject weren't very high. We also studied together often so that Yami could give me courage and strengthen my belief in myself if necessary.We finished our school days with good results without any major problems. Before we received our notices from the universities, we went on a trip together to celebrate our successful graduation.

There was nothing wrong with the trip. It all went like a sappy romance romance movie. We kept grinning at each other and feeling over the moon.

After our return we received the notices of admission one after the other. Yami was able to study medicine at the nearest university.

But I was given a place to study in a distant city. I didn't know how it could have happened to me. I stood petrified and just stared at the registration form.

Our paths would then part. After surviving so much together.

In the evening Yami called and asked me if I had finally received my notice. I calmly said no. Because I had already made up my mind.The new semester would begin in a month. I had to look for an apartment. In my room I packed the most necessary things and took the next train to my university town. For the first few days I stayed in the youth hostel. I registered with the dorm and luckily managed to get a small room. My parents didn't really care where I was studying or what I was studying.

"If anyone asks about me, please say that I will now start my studies in another city."

Sometimes I wondered why I had acted this way. I could wait a few more semesters and try to get accepted to the university I want at the next opportunity. I would also have the chance to move to my old town after a few semesters.

But on the other hand, I knew that moving from a not very prestigious to a famous university town like this was very difficult.You would hardly find someone willing to swap. And I didn't want to waste my time waiting for an uncertain event.

I thought I would have to sacrifice for Yami's luck and failure, and I almost felt like a saint at the thought. I was also too tired to think twice about my decision.

At the start of the semester, I didn't have the time either. The courses were extensive and I had barely dealt with the subject matter so far, so I had to overcome a lot of difficulties.

Yami would now be able to concentrate on his studies and no longer allow himself to be dragged down by failures like me.

Failure, that was the right word for me. Why did I have to disappoint my and Yami's expectations so bitterly?

I couldn't forgive myself and blamed myself for what happened.

My little dorm room was about the same size as my previous room. I drove home one more time and got the rest of my things.So my mint green curtains were blowing again in the light wind from the half-open window. I put a small blue-green woolen rug on the light brown wooden parquet. I hung the pictures I had brought with me on the walls.

So I almost felt back in my familiar world.

I bought a cell phone so I could keep in touch with my new classmates. In addition, my parents could reach me if they felt like it.

My life took on a new rhythm. In the morning I went to the lecture, at lunchtime I ate in the cafeteria and in the afternoon I spent the time in the library or also in the lecture room. When I got home, I would study a little more, then go to the movies or meet up with the others in cafes, and sometimes stop by the student parties. Everything that the very manageable, small town had to offer.

I didn't care much about a lot. For days I walked around in the same dark-colored clothes, and made no more of my long, straight hair than a neat ponytail, with no bangs.I didn't talk much to the others, if only about the university.

Alone in a strange city where hardly anything was going on. What should become of my life? When did you find the opportunity to really express yourself?

Sometimes I kept diaries again, and listened to music all night. I barely felt like keeping the room tidy, taking the laundry to the laundry room, cooking food in the communal kitchen, or just vacuuming. With time things got pretty confused and I hardly found any clean clothes to wear. But I cared little. Nothing more could come of my life, I told myself. There was nothing left to fight for. Why should I try to look perfect every day and keep everything around me sparkling clean?

I looked indifferently towards each coming day. I didn't even think about the past few days. Even if a lightning bolt from heaven were about to kill me, I would not feel anything.During the semester break, I went to see my parents. Actually, I didn't feel like doing it, but since the city was now almost deserted, I was hoping for a change.

I met up with a couple of my former school friends. We partied for a bit and talked about what we'd done in the meantime.

I looked tired and worn out, an honest friend told me. Also sad and listless ... and on top of that ...

Apparently everyone was fine, unlike me. They all still had their dreams and ideas about what they wanted to do with their lives.

I didn't like my studies very much. Before that, I had not fully informed myself about this subject and my original expectations were nowhere near.

I have no mood anymore. I did not want to anymore. But now I was even too cowardly to put an end to it all. Shit, my life was such a fucking burden that I had to carry for an indefinite period of time.

On a day like that, I ran into Yami again.(That's right, you're back in town ...) He barely recognized me at first. No wonder I smiled bitterly. (You kind of do that all the time) The way I look now was nothing like the person I used to be. Because I only ate cakes, biscuits, chocolates and whatever else I have to eat in the long term, I had gained about ten kilos. (Krass ...) On my face some pimples conquered their habitat. I wore mismatched glasses. My hair was greasy and looked unkempt. I was wearing rather shabby, well-worn clothes that didn't suit me at all. (Aren't you exaggerating a little ?!)

The pretty, well-dressed Mariko, who took care of her appearance, is now a thing of the past, dear Yami.

Yami opened his beautiful big eyes wide.

"Mariko?"

"What a surprise, Yami. You still look as good as you used to.", I said and involuntarily smiled ironically. "In contrast to me, whom you hardly recognize now.""How time and life change everything around us, right?" I added.

"Why did you just leave like that? I thought you wanted to study with me!"

"I just changed my mind at short notice. Besides, as you can see, you can easily find better alternatives. The Mariko you knew is now a thing of the past."

I laughed a rather outrageous smile. About Yami, about me and my stupid hypocrisy, about life.

Yami was apparently not prepared for such a situation. He seemed insecure. He must have imagined it would be nicer if we met again.

"Sorry, I have to go now. Nice to have seen you again. I wish you a successful degree."

I left him alone and walked on without waiting for his answer. Somehow the grin wouldn't go away from my face. My great love was now there and just found me repulsive! He supposedly loved me so much!But the situation was just too funny.

"If he missed me," I thought to myself, "he would definitely like to erase all the memories of me now."

It was just lovely. No more romantic frills. No stupid love sayings. Simply the naked truth.

"How do you like it now, Yami? Are you speechless? Not the woman of your dreams anymore? Now it wasn't all worth it, was it?"

My broad grin made passers-by look at me doubtfully.

"Yes, I belong in the mental hospital! I absolutely need therapy! I'm already looking forward to the closed institution! Can you do something about ugliness?" (OK, it's okay ... Calm down again. ..)

So much for my thoughts.

I couldn't even be really sad. I didn't care about anything.

"To hell with you! And first and foremost, Yami!", I imagined the wonderful picture.

"I'm ugly!And all of you can do me! "

Hihihihihihihihihihihi ... Hohohohohohohoho ... Hahahahahahahaa ... Hehe..Huuuuhuuu ~! Man, I was fine!

"I love you all! You damn fucking idiots! Let's all drink and multiply, hihihi ..."

It was suddenly so much fun using all these beautiful expressions ...

In the evening I was still out on the street somewhere. First I went to a cheap restaurant, ordered a huge piece of meat and half a liter of beer.

"I already eat like the old farmers ... hihihi ..."

Then I came out drunk. Someone was sitting on a bench in front of me and looking at me.

"Hi dude! Ready for a f ** k?" I laughed out loud.

The guy was also a little weird and probably drunk:

"Always, my darling!"

"Well, what are we waiting for then? To me or to you? Oops, my parents are at home, hahaha ...!"

"Come to me and I'll get it for you!"

.....

(What a dreadful captain ...)