I come to school every day. I hate this stupid compulsory schooling. What's the point of learning some kind of crap from strangers that you don't need later on? And what annoys me the most is still the fact that I am surrounded by a thousand people, because they consider me particularly beautiful, clever, funny and interesting ... How did they come up with such nonsense? I always show this fake smile and even my laughter is only fake, but it doesn't attract anyone ...

Yes, a person seems to notice ... You ... Whenever I come to you, your gaze pierces me briefly, but you quickly turn it away. Your beautiful brown hair and your dull green eyes have enchanted me for a long time ... Even if you are not as tall and strong as many of the guys who adore me, I kept an eye on you from day one.

Somehow I feel weird, like someone is watching me, so I turn around and indeed!You! You look at me with your beautiful eyes ... should I smile? Are you even looking at me Even if you weren't looking at me, I'll smile at you anyway and happily await your reaction. And already it happened, in the wrong way I smiled at you with my broken exterior. Did you even see it In any case, you turned away quickly and devoted yourself to your friends again ... Well, I'll do it for you right away.

In class you always participate slowly, while I almost only get in touch and contribute. My favorite speech was still about companies, with the words: "Money alone does not make you happy."
It's a shame that my father didn't hear these words ... Would he have gotten angry? I don't really care either, but I noticed that you listened carefully to me and stared at me ... Sometimes I secretly wish that you were looking at me right now ... It's good that you don't know how much I love you.After all, school is over and I know that we won't run into each other again until the next day. So sad and disappointed, I make my way home and after a few meters I reach my father's large estate. Oh god how much do I hate this house? It's always so empty and quiet ... Again I smile falsely because one of the servants comes by. Will she notice? No, my brokenness remains undiscovered.

After a really loud sigh, I go in and at the same time up into my spacious room. Exhausted, I let myself fall on my soft bedding, my thoughts are with you. I still wonder if you noticed that I smiled for you and even if it wasn't real ... I'd like to get up and run to you, ask you if you noticed, but I don't have the courage . What should I also say when you open the door ...?

I turn once so that I can lie on my side, which is a little painful.In gym class I ended up a little unhappy when I wanted to go from the horizontal bar. The teacher wasn't paying attention and the other girls couldn't run to me in time, so I was lying on the floor.
I was in the hospital for a few weeks because 2 or 3 ribs were broken. Now everything is supposed to be healed, but whenever I put pressure on the right side, it hurts immensely. Did you actually see how I fell Did you even worry a little? Even if it shouldn't be like that, I just imagine that you worried, then it'll be fine ...

I slowly close my eyelids, now I can see you clearly in front of me. You seem pretty broken and lonely sometimes ... At least to me. We are more alike than the others notice. I like how your pony covers one eye and when individual strands blow in the wind, they are slowly and carefully weighed.
Most of the time you are with some other guys, they go to our class.I even met one of them quite often, he said he would tell you a lot about me, isn't that right?

Another turn on my part and I'm already on the safe side, looking out of the glass window that seems to stretch far in front of me. I love this view, from my bed or from the windowsill. I can always look at the beautiful sky and when it rains and storms I look at the big tree that grows far up in front of my window. It is a cherry blossom tree that shines so beautifully pink in spring and when a breeze comes, it blows the beautiful blossoms away, makes them dance before my eyes. I would love to show you that ...

So food is brought to my room. Actually, I'm not hungry at all, but if I don't eat the maids tell my father and then I get into a lot of trouble. Often times he even raises his hand at me! ME! His own daughter, can you imagine?So I start to eat the food, it definitely tastes good, but it's way too much for me ... What do they expect from me? I have never eaten much, and certainly not all at once. I don't even eat as much as they cook for me throughout the day.

When I'm done, I sit down at my wooden desk. Somehow a strange feeling haunts me, as if something had happened to you or better, as if something was about to happen to you. But I don't know if it's just my imagination or if something is really going to happen to you. So I start thinking about my homework on the tabletop. Then all the paperwork.

Goosebumps form on the back of my neck, I feel uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I calmly pick up the pen and start doing my homework. First math, yes, because I love this subject very much, but not as much as you, of course! Why do I just have to think about you all the time? I just can't concentrate like that!So I thunder shut the notebook and throw it on the wall in anger! I've always been aggressive ...

After a few minutes I finally calm down and carefully take the thrown notebook, put it on the table, neat and clean. Your friend once told me that you also live so orderly, I wonder if that is really the truth. Most boys tend to live in chaos. I look at the half-full plate and then it occurs to me that I was told that you can't even cook. How strange ... Everything here reminds me of you!

Again I sit down on my bed, but this time I look at the white ceiling, my wish is that you are now next to me ... Then I remember a speech at school that I gave myself ... I know the subject not anymore, but I definitely said: "Watch what you wish for, because it could come true."
Yes, I should really be careful, because maybe you're not as great as I imagine you are ... I always wonder how you really are when I talked to you ...Suddenly one of the servants came in! I was really scared. She said a visitor had come for me. Who might that be? I don't expect any visitors and anyway I never actually get visitors and when I meet someone I go to this home because I just can't stand this property and everyone is always so impressed. It's just annoying to hear how much you are envied. Anyway, I think that you do something like that without any reason. What's so great about this house? It's lonely, nothing more ...

So I drag myself up from my bed to see who has come. And as I go down the stairs I see you. Yes you! What are you doing here I hadn't expected that at all. Now I smile again, just for you, because I know that this time you will definitely see it, no matter how dishonest it is. But what do my eyes have to see? You are hurt! What happened?But you can always talk about that later, I think, so I ask you to take a seat while I run up the steps back into the bathroom.

There's always chaos here, and that's only because my brother sometimes goes into this room. Most of the time he is tidy himself, but when it comes to the sanitary facilities, tidiness is often absent! I search through the small plastic bathroom cabinets for a long time, why does my father save so much? We'd have enough money to own an even bigger villa and still have it gold plated. Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it's still something like that ...

Finally I find the bandage and medical supplies I am looking for! It had taken long enough, I think. So take quick steps back down the stairs, back to you. Have you been impatient yet? So I start wiping the blood from your face and then stick a band-aid on your velvety skin.Thank God I didn't need the bandages! Then this strange feeling was justified earlier ... I still wonder what happened.

I can tell that you are looking at me, so I now raise my head to look into your dull eyes. It's very quiet, almost painful calm that probably won't end anytime soon. The only thing that you can listen to now is our breathing and your racing heart, but it doesn't bother me. It's a wonder I can stay so calm if you only knew how I am feeling right now. I think my heart is about to jump out of my chest!

Finally, I break this moment by asking you what brought you to me. After a few moments you ask me a really strange question ... I think about it for a long time, I don't know what to say to you ... You wanted to know if my smile was meant for you earlier. Naturally! But can I tell you that openly? What if you ring it up?Maybe you think something completely wrong about me, who knows that exactly?

Another of my thousands of broken smiles adorns my pale red lips, which are supposed to match my pale skin and I tell you it was only for you. And? Was that what you wanted to hear? I hope so, because now I feel a lot better. What has been on my tongue for ages has been spoken and now you're staring at me without a word. Are you surprised that I say something like that? But in itself I'm just telling the truth.

How I would love to hold you in my arms now, even kiss you, but I'm not allowed to do that. It would probably just scare you away anyway, so I hide my feelings from you ... I definitely can't hurt you like that and that's a good thing ... Oh, I want to feel your warmth ... May I? Can I only touch you once so I can feel your body temperature? To touch your velvety skin one more time?Fright! What happened? I automatically moved closer to you ... What are you thinking now? This time you can hear both of our hearts pounding irregularly on our chests. We're both pretty nervous. Suddenly you press your lips, but very gently, on mine, so kiss me. How much did I want this situation and now? Now is that supposed to be reality? Maybe I'm just dreaming the