A real love story that shouldn't end sadly
I want to write it, but I don't have a word
Love as hope, love as betrayal
If everyone could get what was initially hoped for
Then luck would be a bulk good
What nobody really pays attention to anymore

Feelings sway, words lie
Together we try to fake something
We all do our best, but there is only one place
A victory today, a defeat tomorrow
Even if you don't always win
You have to be able to make yourself laugh

"Come on my friends! It's time for a new story!"

Old legends say that there is exactly one other belonging to every soul. Since we were born we have been searching for our lost half, without which our life would not seem complete.

Light and shadow, joy and sadness, heaven and earth. It is always the opposites that inexplicably fascinate us. Opposites complement each other to create a full range of life.You start to grow beyond your own limits and build a bridge to the previously unknown world.

Love connects and liberates people at the same time. Without the glow of love, life would be bleak. Unattainable love is still more beautiful than the sad end of the sunny days. We need food and drink to survive physically, but we need love to sustain our soul. It does not matter whether they are imaginary or real people. We have this need to transmit our feelings to others and we want to live in the belief that we are loved.

Our main character is a young girl who is reaching a sensitive age and yet knows nothing about love and her own feelings ... What a misfortune! She firmly believes that you can only achieve your goals through hard work and merciless self-discipline. But what is your goal? OK, she wants to be the best, no matter where she is and forces herself to perform at the push of a button.You have to give it to her, she's really successful in some areas, especially at school ... But she's not happy about it. Whatever the reason, she cannot be happy about what has been achieved.

Then she meets a boy, a total contrast to herself. He is spontaneous, very sporty, talkative and therefore popular, has a self-confident, sunny smile and lives the way he likes it. Actually, the type that a lot of girls would be into.

Then what brings the two characters that are so different? The girl exudes such a strong self-control that it is almost scary and is reciprocated by a kind of involuntary respect, but also distance. She is an outsider, loner and shows the world her unfathomable expression, which is interpreted by this boy as an inner despair. He feels sorry for her and wants to help her. So he tries to talk to her on occasion to interpret her thoughts.The girl, like most of her kind, suffers from unconscious arrogance and extravagance. She interprets the boy's attention as advances, feels flattered, and a feeling of amused contempt rises in her. It seems like an interesting experiment. So the woman-to-be plays her imagined role as the ignorant, needy child. The spontaneous young man, who never wastes too much time puzzling over the true face of such calculating beings, soon sees himself in the role of the protector and helper at the side of that innocence thirsty for experience.

It happens as it has to happen with this constellation: They sleep together and discover new areas, new knowledge, new feelings. Both of them would almost call this new intimacy and mutual need love. But you cannot build a multi-storey house where there is no foundation. There is a lack of mutual trust, respect and tolerance.Where the fire burns there is no warmth. On the contrary, the unsuspecting and no longer innocent girl freezes, cries and is afraid. But when her lover hears that, he just asks back cold and annoyed:

"So what?!"

The process of destruction is slow but sure. Both young people turn away from each other. The moments of ridiculously short happiness that they usually experience together in bed cannot compensate for the accumulating humiliations, feelings of suppressed anger and dissatisfaction. Then comes the long, lonely winter. The girl sits alone in her room and calls the person she thinks she loves. She wants to make up her mind and no longer struggle with uncertainties. To do this, she needs clarity. That's why she wants to know about that almost strange voice on the other end of the phone.

"Do you really love me?"

She says many more words, but only this one question is of real interest to her.The answer is sure to disappoint anyone who hears it. A disjointed, meaningless series of words that can't bring the slightest feeling to life except anger. The girl hates this voice and its owner. So much so that her right hand imperceptibly but consciously presses the button with the red telephone symbol and ends the verbose but meaningless conversation. She feels the urge to shut someone's throat and knows exactly who is the best candidate. For the first time in her life, she begins to think about what happened and wonder why it all turned out this way.

The first thing she finds out is that she lost in this game. She acted recklessly, out of sheer boredom, and brought this relationship into being. Her heart has always warned her about this, only now does she recognize these hidden messages. For example, that she felt so unhappy when he uttered such words:"Now I know you. If you hadn't revealed so much about yourself on your own, I would make it my goal to find out all your secrets. But now you have spared me this work and betrayed yourself. You have no dignity. "

Weren't these words signal enough? How blind and helpless does a person have to be to overlook such clear signs?

"For him I was just a different kind of conversation," she thinks back sadly. "I thought I had finally found someone who was interested in my problems, who would listen to me and finally stand by my side. What am I naive?"

"Why did I trust him when he didn't deserve it?"

"Why did I play with feelings, after all and mostly with my own?"

The winter days are cold and the lonely girl begins to lead an exaggerated, dissolute life. Sometimes she thinks she is close to death and is not afraid. Her heart freezes, she does the silliest things she can think of.Often she falls asleep on the sofa or bed without undressing because of total exhaustion. She laughs a lot with the people around her. So much that her breath almost fails and her heart skips. When she is finally alone again, tears flow, just as many and violently as the fits of laughter.

So alone and desperate, powerless and tormented by pain, she discovers her belief in the beautiful in life as her last lifebuoy. It may sound absurd, but the more you lose, the more things you learn to appreciate. Even those that were spurned without hesitation some time ago, such as B. Friendship and small human affections in every form. With some romantic films or pieces of music, tears well up in your eyes, but you are no longer ashamed of them. The beautiful and loving things in life move our feelings. Why should one suppress this natural tendency?

The young, conceited girl is going through a painful process of change.She learns to listen to her heart and to keep the resulting possible disadvantages to a bearable extent. She no longer forces herself to do anything. Instead, she weighs the various options and chooses the most convenient. In this stubborn way she tries to be careful with herself. Because she never again wants to act against her own will, against her inner voice.

She wants to hold on to her own belief and imagines what her perfect happiness might look like. Although she knows that it may never come true, the idea makes her happy in a strange way.

"I'm a dreamer," she thought. "I always despised such people in the past."

But now she lives on her resurrected dreams and illusions. She firmly believes that one day she will find her real happiness. Although she sometimes still has to cry at night and usually cannot sleep for a long time, she enjoys life and every single day that she is allowed to experience.She banishes her earlier shadow to the farthest corners of her mind.

"One day I will meet my love. The one who is meant for me. Until then I will not stop looking and I will not give up on myself."

In the dark night she smiles while the others sleep. Her eyes glitter as if they could look through the ceiling at the starry sky.