Travel to you

I'm sitting at the train station. It's getting dark around me. The people who ran frantically to their trains a few hours ago are becoming calmer and, above all, less. I've been here two hours now and still don't know where to go. Home? Impossible. I can't go home anymore, not after this fight.
My grandparents? Would drive me home in a heartbeat.
Friends? Not even better.
It starts to rain. Funny how sometimes the weather fits a person's emotional state. While the rain is slowly getting more and more, there is only one thing I can do: think of you. It's like always, whatever I do, I can't get you out of my head.
Should I go to you? What would you say if I suddenly stood in front of your door? I don't think you'd let me stand in front of it. Do I even have a choice?
My heart gives me no choice.
With a strange feeling in my stomach I go to the counter and buy a ticket to get as close as possible to you.A little later I'm already on the train. The gray-black landscape passes me without my noticing much of it. I'm much further with my thoughts. In my thoughts I am already with you. Try to imagine what you will say What your eyes will say Why am I doing this in the first place. I haven't even known you very long, let alone have I ever seen you. Why do I go to you of all places? I don't know for sure myself. Maybe because you've become an important part of my life, even if it's only through the internet. Sometimes I spend hours with you without really realizing how time goes by. But maybe also because you are one of the few people who can almost always cheer me up. It's probably exactly what I need right now, someone who can get me out of the deep black hole I'm currently in.
Time goes by and the train goes by. At some point someone enters the compartment.But if you asked me how he looked, I couldn't tell you. It's still raining. The night sky is not black but gray. How I hate this weather. But that too is one of the things that I cannot change. Just like the situation at home. But I don't want to think about that.
I hear the station where I have to go. I take my jacket and backpack, in which I quickly packed a few things before leaving the rest behind. I also have enough money for a certain period of time. I don't understand A few hours ago, without thinking, I packed up and left the apartment. And now I'm about to come to you.
As I get off the train and look for a taxi stand, the strange feeling from before suddenly turns into fear, or is it just excitement? I find a taxi, get in and explain to the driver where I want to go in the middle of the night. He silently notices that I don't have an exact address and drives me to the middle of the small town where I hope to find you.It doesn't take long and I'm standing in the large village square. The rain hasn't stopped. Where to go now
I'm going somewhere just to get away from the place and my thoughts. But it's not much use. I walk through the alleys, looking for a house sign, a name, a person who knows you. But I can't find anything.
Shortly afterwards I don't run anymore, why should I, I'm wet through and through. The streets all seem the same. The same gray, the same houses with the same gardens in the same dim light. How am I supposed to find you here? The excitement turns into an uncomfortable feeling, the fear of not finding you, the fear of having to spend the night alone.
A few minutes later, what I almost stopped hoping happened. I can not believe it. I found it. A big house, no garden in front, but a doorbell under which your family name can be recognized. This feeling overcomes me again and again.Everything in me cramps up, I feel myself getting hot and beads of sweat appear on my forehead. You can't tell by looking at me, I'm just wet. Wet and cold.
With the last bit of self-control I try to organize my hair halfway, try to suppress the emerging tension and ring the bell, still undecided. There is no way back.
I'm torn inside On the one hand I hope no one is home, on the other hand I am dying to meet you. But I don't have time to do anything anymore, because at the same moment a woman opens the door. I estimate her in her mid-forties. Your mother. I don't know why, but I recognize it.
"Is your son at home?" Is all I can get out. You can't miss the skepticism in her eyes, but she turns around to look for you anyway. Before I can even think about what to say, you stand there.
You don't say anything, you just look at me.You know who I am, even without having seen me before, you just know.
I'm shaking, not from excitement but because it's really cold now. The questioning expression disappears from your face and you step aside to let me in. I comply with the request, now it is too late to turn back. But do I even want that?
You close the door behind me and go up the stairs to your room. I follow you without really knowing what to tell you. How should I explain everything to you. I've thought a lot about what it would be like to meet you, and on the train I thought about 1000 variants, but now I don't find any of them even remotely appropriate. So I just follow you in silence.
But of course we can't just climb stairs forever, so we come to your room. Still not knowing why this girl is standing here in your room, you look at me. I realize that you don't know what to do.You notice that I'm completely soaked and you lead me into the bathroom. You give me a towel and leave.
All my things are wet, including the clothes in my backpack, of course. I start by drying my hair a bit and then open the door.
"Do you have something ... .. that I ... .. that I can get dressed? My things ... .. are all wet ..." I stutter to myself. A short smile crosses your face and you disappear into the back of the room. Shortly afterwards you give me a long T-shirt and boxer shorts and leave. While I slowly try to get out of the wet clothes and to dry myself, only one question is important all the time: What should I say? Somehow I manage to get halfway dry, but I can't find a solution to the question.
I take a deep breath and almost determined to open the door. You are standing right in front of me, leaning against the wall across from the door. You're looking at me again, trying to figure out what I'm doing here.But the answer is not in my eyes.
You point to your bed and pull a chair next to it. Exhausted, I let myself fall on the soft mattress. The day had just been too long. Lost in thought, I almost forget that you are still sitting next to me, ignorant.
Silence.
"Do you want a cup of tea?" You finally break the silence. I lift my eyes and look deep into your eyes while I slowly shake my head. You have dark eyes, eyes that I could sink into forever just to forget everything about me.
Of course you notice my absence, but you don't want to question me. You know I'll tell you sooner or later
"I ran away from home. I didn't know where else to go.", I finally tell why I am here.
"How did you find me?"
"Train, taxi, run around until I find your house."
"Why did you run away?", You also want to know.
"We had a bad argument.I don't want to go back, never again! "With the last sentence comes all the aggression, the tiredness, the desperation of the last few hours and I burst into tears. Unable to control my emotions, I can do nothing but cry. You get up from your armchair and sit down next to me on the bed. You put an arm around me and slowly stroke my back up and down. It helps, I slowly calm down. You reach for a handkerchief and hand it to me. Quietly you ask the question that has tormented you since you saw me at your door
"Why are you coming to me?"
I see your understanding, encouraging look, feel your hand on my back and think to myself: that's why.