"I don't know what will be left of me in the end."

"What exactly are you afraid of? Who knows what will happen at the end of our lives? Of course it is fleeting - everything will pass at some point. Even the pyramids will eventually no longer exist. But what is new for you? Your current attitude or my views ? Why do you worry so much about what will be left of you in the end ?? "

"Oi .. when it was raining in the last few days I was quite thoughtful. First again because of * yawn * Buddhism; although I thought about it so much, I was again fundamentally concerned, and then I read" The Dead Poets " I think I live too much for tomorrow, but I did that for years, so it's basically nothing that would become unbearable overnight, it's just a side issue! it's not that I just decide to do it; of course, I could sit down again.To rule out this possibility is actually my decision. Otherwise I just see. I give up school because I see that defeat is inevitable. The door closed slowly and relentlessly; although it makes me feel very strange at the moment, I drew it the last bit myself. "

"Shall I tell you something? You're not just so scared. You're scared of the fear of the unknown. Be honest: have you REALLY tried to keep the door open? Have you ever seen what's BEHIND the door I believe that you haven't closed your eyes, but you never dared to take a REAL look inside, because if you had seen what is hidden behind the door, you could have drawn the strength to push the door open. Because only through a crack you can not see anything. And I seriously believe that you have not lost interest, it is rather your tiredness that you pretend not to have to make any more effort. ""Thank you for worrying like that. The problem is, you can't just tell what the situation is like. You shouldn't think I never fought. You have the attitude of most; basically tell me always everyone, that you can achieve anything if you just want to. But I can't think in formulas; strange, it wasn't that extreme before. But I can't, you understand ?! It's simply impossible.
What do you see behind the door? At that time I would have moved to Japan even if I hadn't had my Abitur. I dived through countless phases of doubt and so my hope deepened more and more. I have great hope, the most obvious path has been that of school and study. I can't go that way. But I'm not giving up on the goal itself, that's very important. "

"Of course I worry about you, it's in my nature. Of course you can seldom recognize the situation if you are involved, I know that. But I have never said that you did not fight; it just seems to me that you've at least given up on this path.Do I have the attitude like most of them? Thank you too! -.- You CANNOT achieve everything, no matter how much you want to, I always knew that. But I didn't give up because of that. One of my mottos is: try is better than study! I'll give it a try, if I fall on my face, I'll get up again and either do it better or let it in. Can't think in formulas? Hey, then there are already two of us! Besides, I don't like formulas and I don't believe in them anyway. What do you see behind the door? What do you expect? Try it out and open it! "

"Trying is better than studying? Well: don't go the way of studying, haha! But I think you contradict yourself: you say that you see that you have your limits, but you still say I should overcome them. Or no "You say I should keep trying, until I am no longer allowed. It goes on for years. I struggled and in the end I did not grow beyond myself.I helped others who tried the same and saw them fail. Today I turn back when I see a dead end so as not to waste more time and I start looking for another way. "

"That's not wrong either; I mean, a dead end is a dead end. But have you really considered all the possibilities and exhausted them to the full? Think again! Because just because you have seen others fail does not mean that you will ultimately fail too have to. "

"Of course: you don't necessarily have to infer yourself about others.
I am amazed that you find this decision so completely wrong.
Do you remember the weird stuff I said about restlessness? Today I think that motionlessness cannot be the goal, but that there is also a meaningful, deliberate restlessness ..
Now I have to tell you that there is nothing left to discuss. I do what I do for two reasons: I have to. And I will.
Unfortunately, you don't know the whole situation.You don't see my mother, you don't hear her. She lives more and more in her rather than in the real world. There are two possibilities:
I'm moving back and somehow continuing school. The absolute resumption of the past. Can return also be progress? Until a certain point, yes. But then I would break. I think I'll get really depressed then.
The other option is to find an apprenticeship with a good secondary school leaving certificate. In combination with the apartment to form a basis for my life. I would see further from there.
Afraid of the unknown?
I receive the unknown with open arms to jump out of the circle in which I move. First I saw it, then I decided to do it. And now there is no other way.

....

A few days later, Person A finds a letter in their compartment. Person B has not come to school for a long time.

"I wonder if you despise me now?
It wouldn't surprise me.But I find that I don't contradict myself in everything. In fact, I basically act on the principle of my beliefs. Hach .. well .. but what am I talking about? You will probably be the person who is least likely to believe anything I say.
But thank you for listening.

I never want to think that I know
to be able to tell anyone
how he has to live.

Gomen. "

On the back of this letter was then written:

"Sorry for adding a few more plaintive lines.
Hmm, I don't know if we'll still see each other. It can be good, on the other hand I hardly have the strength to go to school; I didn't expect to be able to fall so quickly. The others seem to smell desperation, suddenly everyone is talking to me or laughing at me. I can't blame you if you want to avoid me too.
Whatever. Despite this, it is precisely because of this low point that I may continue to learn.
If there is no other opportunity:Goodbye. "

.....