Chapter 6: Kagome ... why are you looking like that? Do you no longer recognize me or is it something else that makes your heart difficult?

My thoughts were foggy and my body felt weak and abandoned ...
First Sesshoumaru and then also Kikyou ... what was that supposed to mean? And what the hell had happened? I kept asking myself this darned question ... would I have had answers if I hadn't run away like a coward again?
I fled from HER and now also from Kikyou, who was I that I could only run away?
I hit the floor with my fist without realizing the pain I was causing myself. The pain and anger that I carried within me were too great to give way to physical pain in any way.
I felt how individual raindrops penetrated the canopy and fell on my shirt. If I continued to sit here in the middle of nowhere under the trees, I would certainly catch a cold.Against my will, I got up from my seat and searched the forest, hoping to see a trace of human life.
How long have I been running now? Three days or already a week? I was drawn back to the old provinces ... to the provinces where I was surely already forgotten ... Kikyou and Sesshoumaru lived in the western provinces, how could I stay in this area? The thought continued to roam me that she would follow me everywhere, for whatever reason…. Was I her subject? They were watching me ... certainly ...
It was hard to even think about, but it was the only point where I felt hope. If I returned to this fateful village, I might be given a few answers ... a few would be enough, but only by whom?
I felt a chill run down my spine as my mind wandered on one particular person.Her face, her smile, it seemed to me that neither 10 years nor ten minutes had passed since our last meeting, but the way I saw her in my memories, I would certainly not see her again ...
Ten years was a long time, she was now ... 25 years ... certainly coveted by everyone in her world, or had she stayed in my world?
I closed my eyes briefly to capture the image of her person in front of me. Her serious clothes, her scent, I just couldn't forget her ...
But ... what if she died?
It wasn't strange in my world when a girl died at this age, especially not when she was as brave and daring as she ...
I shuddered at the thought, no, she would never be dead, not her ... I shouldn't even think about it ...

The rain got stronger and I felt the wetness that could be felt in my bones. A shake soon overcame me and for a long time I felt this trembling again ... from the cold or from fear?This question blurred in me like the rain before my eyes.
I reached a protective canopy and sheltered. No accommodation was in sight, I lived like I did before as Hanyou, alone ... actually helpless, even if you didn't look at it ...
I sank down on a tree, under this tree the rain was at least lessened ... bearable ... but it was already too late, my clothes were completely soaked and a cold was looming. Which I wouldn't give anything if I could just sit in my cozy hut. A warm fire ... a bite to eat ... I would be satisfied ... at least for this spartan moment.
I heard the raindrops dripping, but between the rhythmic dripping I also heard another sound, just very slightly ... like a chirp ...
It came from afar ...
As if in a trance, I moved my wet body in the direction of this chirping ... the closer I got to this monotonous noise, the more it developed into a sigh.The rain seemed to want to drown out the sound, but I heard it anyway ... a low sigh that I came towards inexorably.
I had to move a few leaves and wet twigs aside, but then I saw them ...
It seemed like my heart was going to stop. My eyes widened and my pulse raced at the thought that I saw YOU sitting there ... so alone bent over the fountain that meant so much to both of us ... sobbing ...
The rain dripped onto her clothes ... her clothes from her world, she was still wearing them ...
I wanted to walk up to her, look into her eyes, hug her ... I started moving one foot at a time ... Always on towards them ...
"Don't go to her ..."
I stopped and listened to myself, was that the jewel that spoke in me?
"You are not allowed to see her, it will only throw you into disaster and she and you ...
This sentence did not want to be understood by me, not after ten long years ... I wanted to see her, now that she was only a few meters away from me I had to meet her, look at her ...I put another foot on her, why should I listen to that voice again? I had lived in fear and isolation for ten years, why shouldn't I go to her again now ... with her I was always happy ... satisfied ...
"I forbid you to go to her!" I heard the jewel in me scream, but I don't react to it ... I kept walking towards this sad, abandoned person ...
Before long, I was noticed, her black wet hair moved a little and her face came out from underneath. Her brown eyes were already studying me when I came up to her ...
"Who are you?", She asked perplexed, while she tried to brush the tears from her face. That question tore me apart. I had already feared that she wouldn't recognize me, but I hadn't suspected that it would hit me so badly. I certainly looked like a normal farmer to them, a city dweller maybe ... someone unimportant ...
"I ... I ..." I started stuttering.I was scared of telling her my name ... it would be too strange to watch her again and just say, 'Hey, it's me, Inuyasha!' no, I couldn't ... but what else should I say?
She got up and looked deep into my eyes ... those eyes, I had missed them so ... but ... I couldn't tell her who I was ... how could I forget? Images from my memories flew through me and I saw my old goal in front of me again ... I wanted her to hate me, that she didn't have to suffer because of me ...
I stood firm, but tried to avoid the question of myself as much as possible.
"What about you?" I asked her, which was actually completely atypical for me ... why should I ask how she was feeling, after all, I had left her alone ... but I also didn't know what had happened ...
She bowed her head and looked past me. "Nothing ..." she just said, shaking her mind aside with a shake of her head."Is there anything I can do to help you?", She just asked me in a friendly voice ...
I nodded slightly, while actually shaking my head internally, but my situation wasn't exactly the best, what could I do but find a dry place?
“Follow me!” She just smiled, her hair hanging down wet and stringy. Seeing her like that depressed me, but she didn't recognize me ... was that good or bad?
"Do not reveal yourself to her under any circumstances!", I heard the warning voice in my head, but in this conflict I did not let myself be persuaded that if I wanted to I would do it ... no matter what such a thing said in me, but did I even want it?
"Follow me…"
I wanted to start moving immediately, but then I remembered my little bundle, which was still a little way away ... I had completely forgotten about it ...
"Just a moment!" I tried to stop her, whereupon she looked around in surprise while I rushed towards the forest.But when I saw the bundle, I was again seized by a certain fear. The things I was carrying with me would give me away ... the red of my bundle alone said enough ...
I looked down at myself, how should I hide this bundle?
Then my eyes fell on my wet shirt ... without hesitation I wrapped everything in the grayish shirt and hurried back, hopefully I could hide the things somewhere where she couldn't find them ... hopefully ... someday I would be ready for her to say at some point, but until then I shied away ... how long would it be before someone would recognize me?
And how long it would be before my brother reappeared ... or ... Kikyou ...
I had quickly reached the place where a puzzled look still weighed on me. "I left my things ..." I quickly satisfied her curiosity before she turned away and found her way through the branches."You're lucky ... only last week a place to sleep became free ... you can stay there for now ..." she addressed me indirectly, whereupon my eyes were drawn to the back of her head.
It only took a short time, but then the old village appeared in front of me…. How often had I seen it, how often had I left it ... The people, they were different ... in the meantime the children lived here and the old people were now sitting in front of the houses doing some useless work.
I looked again at my guide, whose gait was unsteady ... what had carried her away?
She stopped in front of old Kaede's hut and turned to me.
"The old woman who lived in here died last week ..." she said coolly and walked away from me with quick steps and a low sigh.
The old Kaede had died?
I looked at the rotten house, it was like a bad sign that revealed itself to me ... the old Kaede had died?And now I still wandered around as a person? It seemed unfair to me ... life WAS unfair ... I had to see that often enough ... even at this moment, when I have to remember that I carry this jewel in me, which has had enough human life on my conscience.
I still hesitated, but the looks of the old people urged me to enter the familiar house.
Her smell, it was still in the air ... mixed with a hint of putrefaction ... had she died in this hut? I shuddered at the thought ...
Was this perhaps the reason why she sat by the well and cried? Hadn't she got over it yet?
My Kagome ... did you have to suffer so much?