Dream of Love

We made ourselves comfortable in the anteroom of the Tropical Hotel and talked about the plans for the next few days and what exactly Don Quichotte de Flamingo, our ex-captain, who is now one of the Seven Samurai, is under the "New Era" "introduces. So actually a day like any other, one might think. But today something is different. Because since today I am clear about my feelings and can also accept them. About my feelings for Cirkies. It started exactly three weeks ago ...

Flashback

We're sitting in our regular bar, me at the bar, the rest of my gang at a table near me. As always. Once again we showed a few dreamers what we think of them. Strangely enough, this time I don't care about the admiring comments made by the other crew members about me. I'm just concentrating on Cirkies' remarks without knowing why. "With Bellamy as captain we are simply unbeatable ..." His words are followed by loud approval and I can feel appreciative looks.The others have said something like that before, but for some reason it makes me incredibly proud and happy to hear that from Cirkies now. I take a long sip of my rum so I don't let it show. As I put the glass back down again, I wonder why this sentence only now means so much to me. It could be because it was Cirkies who said it because we've been pretty long and pretty good friends. Yes. So will it be. I turn around. They don't notice because they are talking again. My gaze stays on him. He's damn arrogant, you have to say that ... But I think that's exactly what I like about him.

Before I can think about it any further, something else gets my attention: Lilli. As so often before, she clutched Cirkies' arm possessively. Everyone in the gang knows they want something from him. And because he doesn't say anything against her coming on, she thinks she has a chance with him.But I know better He told me. Me and no one else ... I stare at her. This sight kindles a fire of burning anger and fiery hatred in me. What is this slut doing to mess with Cirkies like that! He deserves better! I would love to go over there, drag her away from him, yell at her, punch her in ... The moment I have these thoughts, she looks at me. Her facial expression changes suddenly. Her smile gives way to insecurity that is slowly turning into fear. She lets go of Cirkies. It's a shame that the sunglasses cover your eyes. Your gaze in this situation would certainly reinforce this feeling of deepest satisfaction in me. I hope she will stay away from Cirkies in the future. When I turn my back on my crew, I can't believe what just happened. The thoughts I had could almost be described as jealous ... I order another rum to distract myself from what has just happened.That will never happen again, I'm pretty sure ...

But I was wrong. Since then I have had such thoughts more and more often. And dreams in which Cirkies played the leading role also piled up. At some point a small voice answered in my head, telling me that I was hopelessly in love. Fortunately, I managed to ignore the voice and quickly forget it. But these thoughts remained ...

Flashback end

It only occurs to me that I am no longer participating in the conversation when I hear my name. It's like waking up from some kind of dream. I look at my colleagues. You look partly confused and partly concerned. "Are you not feeling well?" Asks Müre, our ship's doctor. "But ... I ... am just a little tired. Not worth mentioning ..." I hurry to say. "Oh ..." The conversation continues. I think it's better to withdraw before I get noticed by something like that one more time.When I get to my room, I sit on the bed. These three weeks were probably the toughest time of my life. A short time later there is a knock on my door. “Yes?” I can already guess who it is. Cirkies' entry confirms my assumption. “Are you all right, Bellamy?” Unable to get a sound out, I can only nod. He sits down next to me. “Sure?” My own heartbeat is booming like cannon shots in my ears now. I avoid his gaze and again prefer not to answer. But he does not give up. "Come on ... you know you can talk to me about anything." Of course I know, but talking about my feelings for him seems impossible to me. His next question almost makes my blood run cold. “Are you in love, maybe?” Damn it! Did he notice something? He laughs briefly. "I thought so ..." I look at him confused. "W-what ...?" "You can't fool me, Bellamy.Your reaction says it all. "Cirkies puts a hand on my shoulder. I notice that my hands are getting wet." Well, who is the lucky one? ", he asks with a grin. As long as he is sitting so close to me, I can no longer think clearly, let alone answer him somehow. Everything is blurred in my head. Part of me enjoys this closeness and wants to confess my love to him, but the other." Part wants Cirkies to take a step back so that we can talk normally. "Come on ... I'm not telling anyone about it either. " "That's not it. “My dry mouth makes my voice sound scratchy and weak.” What? "I wish he had just accepted my answer and not asked ... This time I can only shake my head. There is silence for a few seconds. Then Cirkies gets up." Okay. But you can always come to me if you change your mind. ... You will do that too, right? "You can clearly hear the uncertainty in this question." Yes." "Well. "He walks towards the door, but then stops and turns back to me as if he wants to say something else. But then he obviously changes his mind and leaves my room. My eyes are fixed on the closed door for a while. maybe in the hope that he'll come back, but as expected nothing happens.

I get up and go to the window. Black clouds are gathering; an image that makes it clear to me in a rather painful way that I'm actually just a dreamer, because my love for Cirkies will remain unrequited. Before he reciprocates my feelings, hell freezes over ... The first raindrops hit the window pane and only intensify my gloomy mood. I really don't know what to do next. The best thing to do is sleep on it