It was around 6:00 p.m. on a Thursday in December.
As in the last few days, white flakes fell continuously on those of the previous day
and the temperature was more than wintry.
Kaoru, too, was sitting in the same place as in the last few days.
His pants were already soaked through the snow at his knees and his hair fell lank in his face, but that hardly interested him.
Basically nothing has interested him since that day.
The day that changed his life so much.
The day He left him. The blonde (yes, he's blonde here ^^) would never have thought that this day would come so quickly.
He hadn't had time to say goodbye.
"I feel so lost since you weren't by my side anymore ..." he whispered into the silence
and lowered his tired eyes to the stone in front of him.
It whispered in the silence that has been over his soul and life since the death of his friend
Has taken possession.
The silence that he could no longer break.The silence that kept breaking him inside.
Again he quietly raised his broken voice: "How am I supposed to go on without you ... Yu?".
Slowly, almost hesitantly, he raised his trembling hand and gently ran the name on the
white tombstone after. He felt the presence of his sweetheart.
At least that's what Kaoru believed.
He didn't care whether it really was like that or not, he just didn't want to be alone.
And so at least he had the feeling that he had not been left alone.
He knew deep down that he wasn't alone.
His friends - even if one of them was still on vacation - had always been with him in the last few weeks. They had tried to support him as much as possible, even if they had to struggle with this loss themselves.
But at the moment there is nothing in the blonde except emptiness.
Empty.
Nothing.
Blackness.
Night.
Darkness.
Darkness.
Darkness as it has already settled over the city.
You couldn't see any stars tonight and the moon couldn't be seen either.The only lights that lit the night were the Christmas decorations and
Advertising signs that blinked in front of them.
Not far from the cemetery was the main street which was still very busy at the time. Many people ran on the sidewalks to be home with the family in time. Cars honked and tires screeched.
But it was all a different world for Kaoru.
A world to which he was bound when his love had already left it.
He had often tried to make it clear to himself that the other had left. Forever.
But this was harder than I said.
He was constantly reminded of the past. The wonderful moments that they spent together and also the difficult times that they had survived.
"Kaoru!"
Why did it all have to happen? Why he of all people? Kaoru closed her eyes and tried to suppress the cold that was now slowly becoming noticeable.
Then he heard footsteps approaching and someone calling his name again."Kaoru ..."
He opened his eyes and looked up. A slender, black-haired man came up to him.
"... Toshiya ...", Kaoru whispered, barely audible, and already saw how the other lay down next to him in the snow and hugged him.
At first he didn't react to this gesture, because he hardly noticed that it gave him warmth.
"Shinya told me that you are probably here ..." Toshiya said quietly.
His plane had only landed about an hour ago. He was visiting distant relatives and therefore hadn't noticed anything about the accident.
After he tried to call Kaoru and uncharacteristically no one answered, he called Shinya and learned the terrible news from him.
Toshiya let go of Kaoru again and stroked a wet strand of hair from his face, gently touching his skin and being shocked to see that he was freezing.
"How long have you been here?" He asked carefully.The other person shrugged his shoulders slightly. When the blonde was sitting here, his sense of time was zero. Still, it had to be quite a while, because it was still light when he arrived.
The black-haired man looked at him worriedly. His friend was always so strong and had always given the others a shoulder to cry on, had always supported them.
Seeing him like that now gave Toshiya a stab. He wanted to help him as best he could.
He wanted Kaoru to be better. That he will find joy in life again. That he laughs and has fun again.
And he knew it would take time.
The wound it carries would only heal over time.
But Toshiya wanted to be at his side during this time.
He looked at his friend a moment before he said: "You should go home, otherwise you will catch a cold."
Kaoru turns his head slightly and looked at the other.
"I don't want to go home ..", he began to say in a whisper and without paying attention to Toshiya's protesting expression, he continued: "... when I sleep ... I dream about it ... and when I wake up , is nobody there ... "He didn't want to be pushy, but he had to get Kaoru to stop him from sitting around and contracting severe pneumonia. He didn't want to think any further, so he replied: "If you want ...", he hesitated briefly, but then continued, "So ... if you want, you can come to me with me."
No reaction.
"I take that as a 'yes'," he replied and stood up. He took Kaoru's arm and pulled him to his feet.
Because of the sudden rising, the surprise and the problem that he couldn’t fully feel his legs because of the cold, Kaoru stumbled a little to the side, but was held by two arms that saved him from falling.
"Are you okay?" Asked whoever the arms belonged to, "I'm sorry."
The person addressed only nodded slightly when asked if everything was okay.
Of course everything is okay. It's the end of December, shit cold and a few weeks ago he lost his great love. After these words flowed through his mind, Kaoru lowered his gaze and only mumbled "it's okay".Toshiya couldn't help it and even if he couldn't read his mind, Kaoru felt bad to have thought something like that.
"Okay.", Was only answered and the black-haired man pulled him along. Sighing slightly, Kaoru ran alongside him. He couldn't stop the younger guy from taking him home with him anyway and so he just let himself be dragged along.
He lightly squeezed the hand that had just clasped his and only now did he notice how warm it was. It was a pleasant warmth that he hadn't felt in a long time.
After a while the two of them arrived at Toshiya's apartment and stood in front of the door. Toshiya nervously rummaged around in his pocket.
"Where did I ...", he muttered, "... he has to be here somewhere ... ah!".
Before Kaoru could say anything, however, a small silver shiny object was waved around in front of his eye.
"I knew he had to be here somewhere!" Toshiya smiled at him, then turned to the door and put the key in the lock.He turned on the light and closed the door behind Kaoru.
"You can hang your jacket there.", Said the black-haired man and pointed to a silver clothes rack while he took off his shoes and winter clothes himself.
Kaoru, however, looked around. In all the years of their friendship, he had never been at Toshiya's home.
His apartment was classy, ​​but comfortably furnished. On the dresser was a little teddy bear, which conjured Kaoru a tentative smile on the lips.
Toshiya followed his gaze in amazement, recognized the bear and turned red.
"Um ... I'm going to make tea"
He turned and disappeared into the kitchen.
Taking off his shoes, Kaoru hung his jacket on the stand (do not understand ambiguously ^^) and went into the living room.
Because he heard loud noises from the kitchen that sounded like work, he went to one of the large windows and looked out.
It was still snowing and the wind was getting stronger. He should really be grateful to Toshiya that he "forced" him to come with him.Otherwise he would probably sit out there all night.
Kaoru wrapped his arms around himself and watched some of the snowflakes blowing against the window and sticking there.
Finally he had the tea ready and Toshiya poured two cups full.
While he was standing in the kitchen he started to talk: "Would you like to-"
He was now standing in the doorway and looking at Kaoru. But broke off his sentence when he saw his reflection in the window. The black-haired man swallowed and quickly put the cups on the small table next to the couch. Without hesitation, he went to Kaoru and stood behind him.
At that very moment he was gripped by doubt and hesitated.
Still staring out the window, the blonde raised a hand and wiped a tear from his cold cheek. Toshiya took a short, but deep breath, put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder and turned it to face him. Before Kaoru could say a word, two arms wrapped around him and hugged him.He swallowed. It was a feeling that he hadn't had for a long time. The feeling of being protected.
The feeling of being able to just let out one's pain.
And he couldn't stop it either. More and more tears flowed down his cheeks and disappeared into the other's shirt. He was trembling slightly and couldn't hold back from sobbing.
Toshiya closed his eyes so as not to cry too. He had to be strong now. For Kaoru. Just like the blonde always was when he was bad and needed someone to talk to.
He hugged the older man and stroked his back soothingly so that he would stop shaking.
But this one sobbed again and slowly sank to his knees with Toshiya.
"Shh ...", the black-haired man whispered and leaned his head slightly against the Kaorus. He knew that words like "Everything will be fine" or "It's okay" would now be a lie and that's why he was silent and just held the blonde so that he knew that he was not alone."It's all my fault!" Kaoru managed before his body shook with another sob. Toshiya held him tight and replied: "That's not true ..."
"I am to blame for everything!", The blonde repeated and clung to Toshiya's shirt.
The younger one didn't answer anything this time. Because the way Kaoru was doing, there was no point arguing with him, let alone making it clear to him that it wasn't his fault.