My breath catches as the icy wind blows through my hair. "Should I or should I not? Would I regret it? What happens afterwards? Can I be sure that it will work?", A thousand questions go through my head. A brightly shining moon can be seen in the sky, illuminating the streets of the motorway.
"How should it go on if I don't?" I couldn't answer that question and jumped. I threw myself down the 9m high bridge. I close my eyes, the last thing I hear is the loud honking of the heavy truck.
With this noise in my head, I wake up in my little "apartment" bathed in sweat like every night. Every night I have the same dream and every night I think, "Should I do it or not?" I have nothing to lose. My mother and father died in a car accident three years ago. I have no children and I no longer have any contact with my grandparents. If I died, nobody would notice anyway.Nobody would care! The only thought that keeps me from doing this is, “What if?” It's a small question but a reason for me to keep going. Nobody knows what comes after death. Maybe then I have no chance of another life and have to wander around as a lonely soul. Without a goal. On the other hand, if it were like a game. I delete my old save and start a new game as a new person.
It's tomorrow and I'm on my way to work. I have a small job as a temporary worker in the Barat`ie restaurant. A job as a kitchen helper brings just the bare essentials to life. But better than nothing. I always have to listen to the same thing from my boss: "You are 15 and you work here instead of at school for a better job." He is an old friend of my father's. When my parents died, he took care of me and made sure that I didn't have to go to the home. Oh, by the way, his name is Peter. He lives alone.He also offered me to live with him. But I can take care of myself. I don’t need any help. Everyone thinks they have to pity me just because I live alone and have no one else. I mean what does it matter how I lead my life? Besides, it doesn't make any difference to before. My parents were busy all day. My father was a senior physician and my mother worked as a lawyer. I had to deal with everything on my own. When I came home with a bad censorship, the two of them made a huge riot. Because of that, I always got house restraints, but learning alone does not help me. Most of the time I don't really understand what's in the book. Especially when it comes to math and physics. My teachers are already avoiding me. They tried many times, but I never really got it. Apparently I get on everyone's nerves here and am just too stupid for anything. That was my most common thought when I was sitting alone in my room and crying.As for friends, I was also alone. In my class they were always trying to beat each other out. I still don't know what they had against me back then. They either labeled me a nerd or insulted me in the worst possible way. I once had a good friend. We talked about everything. Sometimes I had a strange feeling when I told her my secrets. I thought nothing more of it.
It happens to everyone that they get sick and therefore not be in school. My alleged girlfriend has divulged everything. How it went at home and what was particularly bad for me, she told around which guys in class I found the cutest. That might sound a little childish at first, but it hurt. I thought I could trust her.
Since then a few girls have tried to sneak my trust. But I acted on my own motto: "Anything I say can be used against me" So I didn't talk to anyone about it and became an outsider.When they talked about me, I just tried to listen away. Even if it was difficult. My parents didn't care. I should just be pretty, nice, and good at school. So that they don't look bad in front of their colleagues.
Then came the day when my classmates got meaner and meaner. They stole my things or locked me in the toilet. If I had told her it would only have gotten worse. But once it just didn't work anymore. Well that was the big mistake! I went to my class teacher. She just said I take care of it and I should let her know who to stop. The next day my enemies came up to me and slammed their homework notebooks on the square, "This is all your fault! Because of you, we now have house restraints and we are allowed to detention! You will regret it!"
After school I had nothing more to laugh about. My parents were terrified when I came home with one black eye and lots of bruises on my arm.", I thought that you would have noticed that I would never have thought possible. Otherwise I am the same to you. They immediately asked how it had happened, but I was silent and thought of an excuse ... "I said and thought," What a stupid excuse! "But they took notice and asked about the black eye. I just say:" That happened in physical education, I dreamed again and got the ball in my face ... "They just looked at me rather dismally My mum's cell phone rang and I was forgotten. They just said, "Go to your room! "Which I did then. I started thinking about what had happened and wondering what you are going to do tomorrow.
The last days have been hell! I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Every day I had to come up with new excuses to explain the bruises. After a while, my parents stopped talking to me about it.
One day I came home from school completely exhausted.I put my satchel on the bed and rummaged through my homework notebook. It was Friday. "Great! No homework!" I thought. Finally a weekend to relax. "When do you think Mam and Dad are coming?" I asked myself. My stomach growled. "Let's see what's in the fridge ..." I slowly went down the stairs to the kitchen. My face literally collapsed when I looked into the empty refrigerator. When I closed the fridge again I noticed that a note was stuck to the fridge: "Dear Miako, we'll be back on Sunday evening. Your father and I have an important appointment. On the table are 200 euros of which you can buy something to eat. What you make with the rest of the money is up to you. "I looked at the table:" Great, they can't leave a twelve-year-old at home alone! And that for a whole weekend! Well, it makes no difference to the past weekends. Their bodies were at home at the computer but mentally they were absent.I grabbed the money and went to the supermarket on the corner. It was cold. "And that's called summer!" I thought and turned into the small driveway. Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth. "Hi Miako, how are you?", It was my> classmates