The biggest fault in my life

A full five years have now passed since it happened. For five years now I have been fighting for my life, which suddenly changed that day five years ago. Since that day I have felt nothing but sadness, anger, despair and fear.
Sadness because I lost something important.
Anger at the one who took it
Despair because my life is a mess and
Afraid of losing my family.
My wife assures me again and again that she would never leave me because I am her great love, but I know better. It was never there when I needed it.
Where was she when I was in the operating room after the accident?
Where was she when I woke up?
Where was she when I went to my countless checkups?
Where was she?
At least not with me. I had to go through it all alone while she hung around with her lover. No, that wasn't entirely true. Leila had been with me, she had accompanied me through the difficult times and encouraged me to go on living.Leila, my best friend.
My daughter comes after her mother, both of them only come to me when they need money. Sometimes I wonder if Jill is really my daughter, she doesn't look like me in any way. In any case, I wouldn't be surprised, only hurt because I then lived with a lie for 16 years. The thought gave me a shiver and I quickly push it aside when the doorbell rang. Since there was nobody but me I rolled over to the door and opened it. A slender, brown-haired middle-aged woman stood in front of me on the doorstep and smiled at me.
"Jake, hello!"
"Hello Leila, come in." I greeted my best friend and childhood sweetheart and made room. We went into the kitchen and Leila sat down at the table and looked around.
"Man, man Jake! It hasn't been cleaned here for a long time," she chided me and wrinkled her nose. "What does Suzie do all day?"Confused, I looked in another direction and said automatically and in a heavy voice:" She's probably enjoying herself ... "
The brown-haired woman jumped from her chair, came to me and hugged me sympathetically. "Oh Jake! I'm so sorry!", She said in a low voice and let go of me. "It's okay. Who wants a cripple like me for a husband?" I asked bitterly and started to put on the coffee.
"Oh what, don't say something like that!" Leila said loudly. "Suzie is a spoiled brat, I told you that right away! You deserve a better one!"
"Oh yeah?" I asked skeptically. I was absolutely convinced that there was no woman anywhere who was even remotely interested in me.
"Yes! There are a lot of women who would love you despite the wheelchair!"
"For example?" I asked in a monotonous voice and handed Leila a cup of coffee.
...
"You see, there aren't any," I said after a while, when Leila said nothing more."And yet you deserve a better one than Suzie! You finally break up with her and start living again!" I paused and stared at her in disbelief. Were you serious? Should I break up with Suzie? And what about Jill, our daughter? "But …"
"No! Don't even think about it! You finally have to think about your own life again! Are you even sure that Jill is really your daughter?" She had hit my sore spot. I had long had doubts about Jill's paternity. Why? Because I know Suzie cheated on me with Greg. Exactly 16 years ago, 9 months before Jill was born. Could the woman read minds?
"No Jake, I can't. But you've been my best friend since kindergarten, I know you!" Yes, she was right. Yet again. Leila was always right and that's why I'll take her advice and part with my wife. Yup! We haven't had a real marriage for a long time anyway, and if I didn't want to lie to myself, I should break up with her.Because I didn't love her anymore, I was sure of that. But there was a catch ...
"You ... Leila?"
She smiled her omniscient smile and held out her thumb. She looked really cute. "Yes. You can move in with me, my apartment is big enough for both of us and I'll help you move too! When do you want to start?"
I thought for a moment. "Right now?"
"Well."
"Leila you are a real sweetheart!"
"You too, Jake!" She replied softly and gave me a quick squeeze when the front door clicked and the door opened. Leila broke away from the hug and Suzie stepped into the kitchen. When she saw us, she put on an innocent smile. "Hello sweetheart. Hello Leila", she greeted us in a playful friendly manner and put her handbag in the corner.
"Suzie, we need to talk, now," I said seriously, scowling.
"Yes, in fact, we have to. Because I have no more money around me ... -"
"It's over!"
...
"W- what?"
"It's over.I'm getting a divorce from you, "I said calmly but firmly, feeling Leila's hand on my shoulder.
"You ... you really want to ... break up with me, yes?" Suzie asked with a touch of panic in her voice. I just nodded. "Nice!", She suddenly snapped and stared at me (or Leila?) Furiously. “Then see that you get out of the field!” Angry, she grabbed her bag and wanted to leave the apartment.
"Suzie!"
"What?"
"Is ... so Jill ... is she ...?"
Suzie looked at me blankly for a moment until she understood. "No! Benni is the father!"
Then she slammed the door and disappeared. I let out a long sigh, trying to ignore the pang in my heart.
"I knew it…". So for sixteen years I lived with a lie ... but this knowledge strengthened my plan and I turned to Leila, who first congratulated me.
Then we started packing up all my things and Leila's sister came over and took her to Leila's apartment because Leila had run up and also didn't have a car.A few minutes later, Leila and I were on our way to her apartment. Since it wasn't that far away, we walked and took the shortcut through the park. At first neither of us said a word until Leila couldn't take it any longer and the silence broke.
"You, Jake?"
"Hm?"
"So ... before you asked ... which woman would ... love someone like you ..."
What was the matter with Leila? I didn't even know her so speechless.
"Yes?" I helped her. "What about it?"
"Well, well ... I know someone ... who would be very ... very, very happy to be with you ... with you ...", she finally managed with difficulty and sat down on a park bench. Only now did I notice that she was trembling slightly.
"And ... who?" I asked carefully and looked at her questioningly. Leila blushed and started spellbound on the ground at her feet. It took me a while to understand.
Y-you? ", I asked surprised and was complimented with a bright red Leila.When Leila nodded her head slightly, my pulse quickened and my thoughts raced wildly together. "But ... how ... why ...?" I asked puzzled, looking at how I was feeling. Confused and awkward.
"Oh Jake!" Shouted my best friend and burst into tears. "I've always loved you! When you left me back then and asked if we couldn't stay friends, you broke my heart! And then ... when Suzie came ..." She got quieter and then finally broke off. She sat crying on the park bench, miserable like a little heap, and shook herself with sobs.
"But ... but ..." I struggled for words. "Back then ... with Tim ... and Kevin ... you were-"
"Happy? Oh no Jake, I was never happy! That with Tim was just so you don't keep thinking I'm in love with you and Kevin ... Kevin was just a distraction ... besides, I didn't want any pity from you ... All those Years, Jake, all these years I've only loved you! "She finally looked me in the eye and a strange tingling sensation spread throughout my body, from my stomach to my fingertips. I felt myself getting warmer and warmer and Leila's presence seemed to make me nervous as Leila leaned over and gave me a short but firm kiss on the mouth.
And then I understood, when her lips touched mine and her eyes captured mine with her gaze, I finally understood. The last 20 years, they'd been one big lie. I remembered why I had left Leila that time. I was afraid, afraid that I would not be enough for her and that I would not be able to satisfy her. I was a coward and probably still am today. Then later, when I had my courage again, I didn't want to destroy our newly established friendship and then, then Suzie came ...
"L ... Leila ..." I whispered and grabbed her hands. "Leila ... can you ... can you m-me ... give us ... another chance?I finally know what I'm feeling! Suzie was one big lie, but you ... you are special! I was a fool ... a pathetic coward and ... - "
But I was interrupted. Leila fell on my neck and was sobbing in my ear. "Oh Jake!"
I put my arms around her and lifted her on my lap so that I could look into her tear-streaked face and looked deep into her hazel eyes.
"I love you!"
"I love you too, Jake!"
Then she got up, smiled at me, and pushed my wheelchair into place. Together we made our way to a new and happier life for two.