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"Hikaru! I love you!"

I finally said it. The three magical words that had burned into my heart for months and were on my tongue whenever we were alone. But why, Onii-chan, why don't you say anything? Why are you looking at me like that?

"I know, Kaoru ..." you say sadly to me, turn on your heel and disappear into the endless darkness.
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Bathed in sweat, Kaoru started up. Panicked, he looked around the room that he shared with his tall twin brother Hikaru.
° Just ... just a dream ... ° he realized with relief. He sighed and rubbed his aching temples.
° Again those throbbing headaches ... They'll kill me someday ... °
With a precise movement, Kaoru grabbed the alarm clock from the bedside table and looked at the time. The radio clock showed 2:34! He lowered the alarm clock and his gaze wandered to his right.There he was. His big brother. His likeness. His hikaru. He was so close to him, and yet so far.
Kaoru sighed again and watched Hikaru's sleeping silhouette. The body rose and fell gently, breathing evenly. With a dreamy smile on his face, the younger one began to stroke his brother's cheek gently.
But he was brought back to reality as hard as his headache came back. With a low moan, Kaoru grabbed his head again.
° I need a tablet, otherwise I won't survive the night ... ° Thought, done. With one elegant movement he swung himself out of bed and pulled on his dressing gown.
° There should be something else in the bathroom ... °
So Kaoru crept as quietly as possible into the bathroom that was directly adjacent to her room. But then he had made the calculation without the door hinges. Just at that moment the thing said there had to be a special kind of squeaking concert.
Kaoru was not prepared for this "confrontation" and stumbled backwards in shock.With a scream, he fell backwards and was just able to hold on to the table. Kaoru stood there like a sculpture and dared not move. Slowly his gaze slid to Hikaru.
But he didn't seem to have noticed any of the noise. He just rolled from side to side. But nothing more was possible.
° Man, I could drive a herd of elephants through here and not even that would wake this Baka ... °
After Kaoru was really sure that his brother was still asleep, he continued his way into the bathroom. There he opened the mirrored cabinet and took out the box of painkillers. But after a few seconds he threw the box in the trash, annoyed.
° Hikaru ... Can't you just toss an empty box in the trash can ?! ° But he couldn't really be angry with his twin. Even if it was now indirectly to blame that he had to endure the headache longer.But what should he do? He did love him. And not just in a fraternal way. No, he didn't love him as a brother, but as a man, as a person. How many times had Kaoru imagined that Hikaru would feel the same way about him. But all of this will remain a dream for him, a dream that is far too beautiful.
Kaoru looked thoughtfully at himself in the mirror.
° How can you also fall in love with yourself? It's pretty selfish too. We can hardly be distinguished from one another. He sighed again and stroked the cold glass of the mirror.
° Does Hikaru feel that cold too ...? °
"Kaoru? Kaoru, where are you?"
Kaoru started, startled. Slowly he looked at the bathroom door. Hikaru stood in the frame only dressed in his boxers. Leaning against the cold wood with his left arm, he looked inquiringly at his little brother.
"What are you doing there?"
The younger boy began to stammer with a slight shimmer of red around his nose.
"Uh ... I uh ... I was ... so ... terrible .... uh ... thirst!And then I went to the bathroom to have a drink! "
Incredibly, Hikaru continued to look at his brother. Then he pointed back without saying a word. Kaoru followed his gesture with her eyes and was horrified to see that there were all kinds of drinks on the table. From fruit juice to still water, everything was there.
Now the red sheen around Kaoru's nose took on a clearer tone.
Hikaru walked slowly towards his little brother. When he was only two steps away from him, he stopped. He eyed Kaoru worriedly.
"You, Kaoru, something is wrong with you ..."
"Wh ... What should be wrong? Everything is okay ..."
"Are you not well? Are you sick?"
"Well ... I have a bit of a headache ..."
With one swift movement, Hikaru grabbed his brother by the shoulders and pulled him into his arms. He put one hand on the back of Kaoru's head, the other on his back and hugged his likeness.
Kaoru was terrified.Well, his brother had hugged him many times before, but not like that!
"Hi ... Hikaru ... what are you doing?"
"Why are you lying to me? Why don't you say right away that you are not okay? You can tell me everything, you know that ..."
Startled, Kaoru's eyes widened, from which tears rolled down shortly afterwards. He buried his face in Hikaru's chest.
"Because ... because that's my pain ... I don't want ... that you have to worry about me all the time just because I'm weaker than you ..."
"You are not weaker than me! What nonsense are you telling me again ..."
For a while they just stood there without moving. Hikaru knew that if he just left now, his brother would never forgive him. But he also doesn't know what to say. So he stayed still and let the cloak of silence slip over her. The only sound that could be heard was sometimes Kaoru's sobbing, crying on his beloved brother's chest."Kaoru ... Let's go back to bed. Maybe your headache will go away."
This just nodded. So Hikaru broke away from him and went back into the room. Kaoru looked at himself again briefly in the mirror. He looked himself into those puffy, howled eyes.
° Kaoru Hitachiin, you are pretty selfish ... °
After he had washed his face briefly, he also went back into the room.
Hikaru was long ago back in bed. When he noticed that Kaoru was back, he lifted the bedspread a little and motioned for him to lie down next to him. A little confused about what his brother was up to now, he lay down next to his twin. After a short silence, Hikaru's voice came out softly.
"Do you still have a headache?"
The younger one had almost forgotten that! Now the throbbing in his head came back. He groaned softly again and closed his eyes cramped.
That was answer enough for Hikaru.With a quick grip, he drew his likeness to him. He didn't know what chaos he was causing in his little brother.
For Kaoru, the feeling of being in his arms was beautiful at the same time, but he also hated it. Was he just doing it to comfort him? Or was there more to it as well? Kaoru had long been aware of his feelings for his brother. He knew he loved him, but did Hikaru too?
The pain in his head would not end and became more and more unbearable. Slowly Kaoru was really dazed by it. He didn't even notice he was starting to talk to himself.
"What should I do? It's against every norm. Father would disinherit me if he knew ..."
Hikaru pricked up his ears. What was Kaoru saying?
"Kaoru ... what are you talking about?"
All at once the little one was aware of what he had just said. He pushed Hikaru away, sat up and looked out of the window, ashamed. Hikaru sat up too and looked worriedly at his brother."What's happening?"
Kaoru's gaze wandered sadly to the person he loved so much.
"It's against every norm. It just doesn't work ..."
Hikaru's eyes widened. He understood! Then he could hear Kaoru's voice again.
"I love you, Onii-chan. I love you so much ... Not as a brother, but as the person you are. I want to be with you forever. By your side. I want to touch you, kiss you. .. maybe beyond that, I don't know ... "
Hikaru listened to his little brother's lecture. So that's how it was. That's why his onii-chan has always looked so depressed and sad lately. He thought for a moment, then a grin crept onto his face.
"You, Kaoru ... do you still have a headache?"
"Huh? Um ... Yes, why?" ° Why doesn't he give me an answer, this Baka ?! °
Suddenly Kaoru was pushed back onto the bed by his likeness. Now Hikaru was half over him. He stroked his hair.
"I know a game that can make your headache go away ..."Before Kaoru could reply anything, Hikaru had put his lips on his. Everything was spinning in him. What was his twin doing there? He wasn't able to return the kiss. Kaoru was just too confused.
Hikaru slowly released the kiss and looked at his brother's confused face.
"Hi ... Hikaru, what was that supposed to mean?"
"What did it look like?"
"You ... you kissed me ..."
"Right. And? Still a headache?"
"Do you think this will make them go away?"
A fat grin spread across Hikaru's face.
"Then I have to help out even more ..."
He leaned down again for a kiss, but Kaoru stopped him.
"Onii-chan, please stop. Do you know how much you're hurting me?"
He looked questioningly at his little brother. Violate? Didn't he want it too? Just like him? Hikaru had long felt the urge to hug his younger twin, to touch him. Now that he finally knew what was going on inside him.But why did Kaoru fend him off anyway?
"Why am I hurting you with this? Isn't that what you want?"
With a bright red face, Kaoru looked away. His onii-chan was right. Actually, that's what he'd always wanted. This very moment. But Kaoru couldn't give himself up to him if he didn't know what he liked for him.
"Yes ... yes ... but I don't know if that's right. We are brothers, Onii-chan. Twins, too! That's inbreeding! It's against everything I know!"
"Do you love me?"
"Nani?"
"Do you love me?"
"Y ... yes ... more than anything, Onii-chan ..."
"Well then it's all right..."
Hikaru leaned down again and breathed a gentle kiss on his brother's lips.
"Because I love you too, more than anything ..."
Kaoru's eyes widened. Then he smiled.
"As a brother or as a man?"
Hikaru came closer to his face again.
"As a man..."
A gentle