Hate me

He gently stroked the blue-haired girl's cheek. She was fast asleep and did not wake up from touching the blond-haired boy even though he had wished it so badly.
A single tear ran down his cheek as he thought about her "sleep". She had been in a coma for weeks. Tsunade told him that the chances of awakening were very slim.
He gently took her hand in his. Tears welled up in his eyes again as he paid attention to the increasingly slower sounds of the EKG machine
"It's all just my fault. I'm so sorry, Hinata. Please forgive me. I didn't mean that," he quickly shook his head. there they were again. The words that he had used so often in her presence: "I didn't mean that"
How many times had she forgiven him thanks to these words? He had already done so much wrong and yet, thanks to these words, she had forgiven him every time. That was the only reason she was there now. Because she had forgiven him so many times. Too often..

I write your scars with a gold pen
Don't ever let me tell you again
I never wanted it all like that

He always thought that she was too generous to him. For that he admired her. She was one of the few who saw in him a human and not a monster like the other villagers did.
A small smile crept onto his lips as he thought of her gently smiling face. However, his smile died when he thought of how many times she had to cry because of him. It stung him. He loved this girl more than anything, he believed. But could not know for sure, because how should he know what love is if he had never experienced anything like that himself?
He didn't know if it was love that tied him to her or just feelings of guilt that forced him to stay with me after the longing.

I lack the evidence
For a differenceBetween what I feel inside
And whatever happens

He was ashamed of his feelings. He hated not knowing and even more hated that it was his own feelings that he was not clear about.
His bright blue eyes fixed her face again. How beautiful she was when she looked so carefree. Why could she be so lighthearted in his presence lately?
Exhausted, he let his head rest on the bed she was lying on. He remembered sadly what had happened over the past few days.


// Flashback beginning //

Naruto came home late at night. He was in the forest all day thinking about his relationship with the Hyuuga.
"Naruto? Is that you?" Asked a slightly sleepy voice. Slowly he turned to his girlfriend, who was standing in the dark hallway, to "Yes, Hinata. It's me," he finally replied, still gazing at her when her voice rang out again, "Where have you been?"
"By Sakura," he lied to her with a heavy heart. There was no way he could tell her that he was in the woods to think about their relationship. He couldn't tell her that he had to think about whether he really loved her or was just kidding her.
Hinata's voice tore him from his thoughts "You've been to Sakura a lot lately, haven't you?" She looked depressed when he replied "Yes. After all, she is my best friend"
"Are you sure it's just that?" Hinata asked softly with tears in her eyes.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I don't mean to say anything. I won't assume anything. I just asked you a question."
"Be honest, Hinata. You think I'm cheating on you with Sakura don't you?" a sad smile crept onto her lips "To be honest, I don't know what to believe anymore, Naruto. You don't come home every day until the middle of the night, you don't look me in the eye anymore and no matter what I do, you tell me never that you love meI'm getting the feeling that you don't feel anything for me. "Naruto didn't look at Hinata. He didn't have the heart to look at her at that moment. Because she wasn't that wrong with her statement. He had never confessed his love to her didn't know if he really loved her, he thought it was wrong to confess his love to her before he was 100% sure.
"Hinata. Nothing is going on between Sakura and me. We have a close friendship. Nothing more and nothing less. I understand your distrust and I can't tell you often enough that I'm sorry. But please believe me when I tell you that it is was just a stupid slip up. I'll never do it again. I promise you "
He understood young Hyuuga all too well. If he had been her, he would probably have reacted the same way. Because he had betrayed her. But not on purpose. He had thought about her again and got drunk doing it.
He had clearly underestimated the effects of alcohol and slept with a complete stranger. After that, he lied to her. Hinata had believed him, of course, but one day he received a letter from the woman and as luck would have it, Hinata got her hands on it. That day she cried herself to sleep. When Naruto read this letter, he cried too. He had inflicted infinite pain on her with his lie. He knew that and it was unbearable for him ..

I draw your wounds
With everyone lie about me
The words fall down
Like my tears on this paper

"Naruto. Please answer a question for me," Hinata said quietly. Naruto nodded slightly and Hinata continued, "Naruto. Tell me, please, do you really love me or are you just kidding me and yourself?"
"Hinata .. I can't tell you"
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know myself," Naruto admitted honestly and looked down depressed. Hinata had silent tears running down her cheeks, but she smiled."Why didn't you leave me?"
"Because I can not"
"You don't love me. Still you can't leave me?"
"No. I'm not sure if what I feel inside of me is love. That's why I can't leave you. But if you want to leave me .."
"I just don't understand you, Naruto"

[i]I can't leave you
And you don't understand me

"I don't understand myself either" For the first time in months, Naruto looked her in the eye again "If you want to leave me now I can understand that and I won't keep you here against your will"
"Naruto, do you want me to go?"
"No. I don't want you to go. You have the right to stay. But if you want I will go and never bother you again"
"I don't want you to go, Naruto," Hinata whispered softly and more tears flowed down her cheeks.
"Hinata. I've hurt you so often. Far too often. Don't get me wrong, but you can't live with me by your side. I deny you with all my mistakes. I don't want to hurt you any longer" with these words he turned to the front door. He no longer wanted to be responsible for her suffering.
Just as he was about to open the door, Hinata hugged him from behind.
"No. Please don't go .. stay with me .. please"
[i]I will not let you live
And you won't let me go

Slowly he turned to the young girl. She was trembling badly and her tears kept streaming down her cheeks. He started to smile slightly as he put his hand on her cheek. Tears welled up in his eyes. She had to cry again because of him "You know ...", he began and gave her a light kiss on the forehead "... You have cried many times since we lived together. Too often. But I can't keep up I can't watch this relationship break. I can no longer watch you break this relationship.Hinata ... I am destroying you with this relationship. Although I still think you're beautiful crying, I can't go on like this. I don't want to and can't see you cry anymore. I am not allowed"

[i]Your tears are so beautiful
But I am not allowed to see her anymore

His feelings went crazy when he turned to leave for good. He didn't know anymore whether to cry or laugh. A voice inside of him said he did it right and saved Hinata so much pain. But his heart screamed that he should turn around and kiss this girl. He should take her in his arms and never let go. He paid attention to one voice ... It was time for him to leave ...

[i]I feel good and bad at the same time
And he'll be time for me to go

Hinata fell to her knees crying and watched her friend go. It broke her heart to lose her great love. Always wished that she could live happily with Naruto.
Should it end like this?
Should everything that they have built up end like this?
She got up quickly and ran out.
"Naruto", she yelled into the darkness but she couldn't find him anymore. He was already gone.

"It was the right thing," Naruto whispered over and over to suppress the anger that was rising in him. It was anger at himself. He had done wrong. He knew that. And with every minute that passed, the anger increased. With every passing second he longed more for young Hyuuga. But it was too late to turn back now. He couldn't just turn around and pretend nothing had happened. No. He wasn't going to hurt her again. It's best for her if he goes. He destroys her life. He wasn't good for her.
He hit a tree furiously. She'll probably hate him now. Slowly his eyes turned blood red. In that moment he realized what he had lost. He had lost the woman in his life who saw the good in him. And suddenly he realized what she had done for him and what he really felt for her."Naruto," called Hinata who finally found him in the forest after hours. But what she saw there shocked her visibly.
Naruto stood in the middle of fallen trees. It looked like a fight had been going on there
"Naruto," she said a little more quietly. When the said turned to her, however, she was startled. That wasn't the Naruto she knew. He had blood-red eyes and fangs like a fox. He was enveloped by a red chakra that she had never seen before.
Frightened, she took a few steps back when he approached her.
"Hinata ..." his voice sounded menacingly low "... What are you doing here?"
"II ... I was looking for you," she replied quietly and took a few steps backwards when she suddenly stumbled and fell to the floor.
Startled, she realized that seconds later she looked into two blood red eyes. Naruto had kneeled in front of her.
"Are you scared?" He asked softly, coming closer to her.
"What happened to you, Naruto?"
"What's supposed to have happened?"
"The- your eyes ... S-they are ... red"
"Is that all that