Why?
I have often asked myself a question that began with this or another question word. In public it often looks like I'm a silent person, but on closer inspection, many get scared, scared, when they see my 'poison green' eyes. I don't care, people should think what they want, I am me and it will always stay that way. Nobody can change me, even if they try often, so far it has never worked. I still smoke despite the many attempts by people.
Why am i living
I kept asking myself this question. I searched for an answer, but it might not exist no matter how many times I tried to find it. It always seemed plausible to me that vengeance was my goal, my answer to that question. For a long time I've only wanted revenge. Even when I was young, these thoughts came in handy. And why? I can thank my family if I can still refer to these people as such. They were never there for me, but I didn't complain and now I know it was for the best. No wonder my parents just pushed me away, but I didn't let life get me down. At that time I was a fighter by nature and so it came about that I wanted to return to the bosom of the family. I didn't mind then, today, in retrospect you might think it was a mistake, but this mistake was also part of my past. All people make a mistake at some point in their life, this has to be expected, otherwise they are not people but only lifeless dolls. I'm alive, I'm still alive, things haven't looked good for me many times. I was shot several times, had to fight for life in the hospital and had made it again and again.
"You're a tough guy," Jodie had always said, and she was right about that. I'm tough and never let myself get down because that would have been a sign of weakness. Weakness?No, I am strong, I am not weak, but it just looks like ... Nobody, but there was only one person who knew more, but everyone else never knew how it was going on inside me and how it looked inside me .
Why was i born
I don't know, no, I didn't know for a long time. I used to think about this question almost all the time, but over time I pushed it out of my memories. Thinking about it was unusual, but there were times when I did. The trigger for this was mostly a great loss in my life, even if I knew that losses were part of it. I didn't want to live anymore either and in those moments I wished I'd never been born, maybe everything would have been different then. Yes, for a long time I imagined what would happen if I didn't exist. Would anyone even grieve for me? I hardly think I just imagined a beautiful life for these people, a life where everyone could feel happiness, a life without me. But soon I was tormented by nightmares. I couldn't prevent their deaths, but what was worse, I found that even if I weren't there, a similar fate would happen to these people. Nobody could change it. It was fate. How much I hated that word, fate. It is only there for people to suffer and torment, it makes for all bad events in life. Fate is just bad. I can't give it a positive meaning even if I wanted to.
Why was i born Fate is to blame for this, I didn't choose it myself, but sometimes I'm happy that I'm alive. With my life I could do what I was meant to do now, I got my revenge.
Why should there be a purpose in life?
Did life have any meaning at all? These and other questions could give you a lot of thought, but not me, at least it was rarely the case.I didn't have to think carefully about everything, I already knew the answer. The meaning of life, one is born to die again, that always occurred to me. I didn't see any further meaning, but then I was taught better. The meaning of life for me is revenge. It was revenge against certain people, people who just wanted to harm others. But what do I do now? I had my revenge, what is the meaning of my life now? Is it really that easy to wait to die? She would certainly have cut me down and tried to convince me of something else.
"To be happy" would have been her answer to the question, but is that enough? And what does someone do when their happiness is gone and never comes back? Just keep on living and try to be happy ever again? Actually it would have been possible, but it didn't feel so good anymore. Keep living until you find your happiness, what a utopian idea, I always thought. The sense of life? There doesn't seem to be a right answer to that, no matter how long you've searched for one.
How did it all start?
Good question, how was that back then? For a long time I didn't know what to do with myself, back then I was very young.
What is your career goal?
I was often asked that by my teachers back then. At that time I had no idea about it. I didn't know what I wanted to be, there were so many jobs and I didn't have the slightest idea what would become of me. Even if they were just ideas, I never had them. Maybe a pilot? This idea was wrong for me even then, especially since almost everyone wanted to become a pilot and didn't want to end up like the others. In addition, such a career dream could not be realized. I only set myself goals that I could achieve. In the years that followed, I began to be interested in martial arts, I did karate, kendo and aikido, and certainly a lot more, but it didn't really help me.These martial arts spurred me on and I trained harder and harder. I wanted to be the best, I deserved it and did everything for it ... until that day.

I wasn't exactly young and my biggest hobby was shooting. By chance I discovered one of the many shooting ranges in Japan and I felt the urge to take part. In a short time I was pretty good and could hit almost any target. When this hurdle was over for the first time, I finally got the long-awaited gun license. There I met them, two mysterious figures.
"Hey boy, you're good, don't you want to join us?" One man asked me. He was dressed completely in black and I didn't know what to make of it. His partner's long hair put me off a bit, but I didn't want the two of them to notice.
"What is it about you?" I wanted to know.
"Oh come on let him, he's just a little greenhorn," said the other man. Apparently he had more to say than the other one who spoke to me. Without leaving me an answer, the two disappeared again into the darkness from which they emerged.
"Strange characters," I muttered and made my way home. But there was no longer an ideal world there, my family was too upset about my gun license and didn't want it in the house. To this day I still cannot understand it, it would be much safer, but only then did I discover new possibilities in retrospect. Because I didn't want to do without my new weapon, my family decided that I should stand on my own two feet and threw myself out of the house. I was alone and I had no one. I don't know which was worse, that I was completely alone and on my own or that I didn't mind. In any case, I think it was the right decision not to go back home, who knows what my family is doing and whether they are thinking of me or whether I have already been forgotten.At that time I didn't care, I decided to go to the States and start a new life there, but when I got there I still didn't know what to do with myself. My path, maybe even my instinct, led me to the FBI and its training ground. What I saw there made my heart beat a little faster. I would never have dared to dream, but I just had to grab the opportunity. That same day, I went into the building and looked for someone. I hadn't known anything about a letter of application, but I certainly wouldn't have done it anyway. I was lucky and had a lot of assertiveness.
"... if you don't take me, I'll join the men, dressed all in black ..." were my words. Yes, I threatened them and maybe it was even blackmail, but I wanted to get to my goal and I didn't care how. This little threat from me had helped me a lot, since the boss was immediately switched on. First I was asked what I had to do with these men.
"And?" I wanted to know. It was still uncertain whether or not I would be a new employee soon.
"You can't collaborate directly," began my counterpart. His name was James Black and he belonged to the older generation, I noticed that immediately, even if he had turned a little more blond over the years. Certainly just to look a little younger.
"Why not?" I jumped up from my chair indignantly and looked at him with wide eyes. I just didn't know why I should wait, was it because of his age that he was so slow?
"Take it easy," Black asked me. He looked slightly frightened and hadn't expected my reaction. "I can't take you on as an employee right away. Like everyone else, you will first attend the training camp for three years and then we can take you," James told me. I was surprised. The training camp lasted so long and if I were lucky I wouldn't be able to work for the FBI until I was 26, at least if I didn't break everything off in the middle."What do you think of that?" Asked the other person because I didn't answer. He grinned, he grinned at me and I tried to interpret it. Apparently there were many newcomers here who either canceled or tried and failed because of these three years.
"I'll do it," I nodded. At that moment, I didn't want anything harder than that and decided to hold out these three years. Eyes shut and go for it.
"Then fill out the slip of paper," asked James. All sorts of things had been asked on the slip, but I was aware that they needed my data for the files, even if something happened to me.
"Why are you taking me anyway?" I wanted to know. I came in without an application at first, was rejected, but now I'm in.
"You're a good shot and we need men like that," replied James.
"And what does it have to do with the men in black?" I asked again. I talked a lot and a lot back then, but it only faded over time.
"Those men ... well ..." James visibly frowned and you could see his wrinkles. I could already guess that he didn't seem to want to say it, but I hacked and just wouldn't let