"Why? Why are people lonely?" She didn't know how to rephrase the question. Although she was only 16 years old, she still had a very good and quick grasp of everything. She had learned everything, but one thing she didn't know. Loneliness, what was behind that word? In general, it describes the feeling of being separated and separated from other people. You are alone and have no one around to take care of that person. Was that life really bad?
"What do you mean?" He wanted to know. He was a good friend of hers and actually knew her pretty well, almost well, because just then he realized that he didn't know her well after all.
Tamiko, the girl, she often felt lonely and yet she hid her feelings behind a facade that nevertheless began to crumble over time. She couldn't go on like this forever, couldn't go on with her like this. The longer she held it back, the sooner it would have broken her, but she could still be helped.
"I want to know why people are lonely. What leads to loneliness? You are not just born lonely and you don't trust anyone," she didn't really understand what it meant to be lonely, at least it just seemed that way .
"Well, don't do that, you're driving me crazy," Kiyoshi replied. He hated it when the girl started over and over again, she kept asking strange questions, questions that didn't really suit her, but still seemed so familiar. Why? He didn't know himself.
"Why do you never answer me? I ask you that often, but you never give me an answer, I should think you don't like talking to me about the subject," the girl pouted.
"No, it's not that," he sighed a little loudly. He hated it when she was down and it still looked like she didn't like him anymore. "It's just, it feels so familiar, I don't know why.Your questions, I've heard them before and I don't want to hear them anymore, I don't know why, but there is something in me that has had enough of them, "he added. What it was all about, that should he has yet to notice.
"That's no reason to avoid me again and again," she interjected. "Well, then I'll leave you satisfied with it today, but only today, tomorrow I'll start again", Tamiko grinned at him. Somehow it made her happy that she could talk about it again now, even if it annoyed him, but something in her had the urge to come out and she just had to ask him the questions.
"If it has to be", he nodded slightly in agreement. Even if Kiyoshi had said no, it wouldn't have done anything for her, she would still have done it and he couldn't talk her out of it either, she had a thick head that was much too strong.
"Come on, let's go on," Tamiko asked quietly. It had been cold and some snowflakes had already formed on her hair. It was winter and snowed for the first time that year. Smiling, she noticed every single flake, but when it got too much, she shook it off herself. She started slowly, just continued, along the street until he could no longer see her. Kiyoshi stopped as if petrified, his eyes widened, but he did not react to any influences, neither from outside nor from friends who asked him what he was doing. He just looked at the small piece of the street and saw Tamiko walking along there until she just disappeared. Her body just dissolved, it had become transparent and then it disappeared. It was the last thing he had ever seen and would see of her ...

I'm lonely again, alone ... no matter where I go, I have no one, I am always alone, relying on myself, I have no one, Tamiko sighed and said this to himself. The lights of the night lit the street, but she didn't care, she wanted to disappear into the darkness, once and for all, but she couldn't.Whenever she talked to someone about her feelings, it was just 'talk to your parents'. Parents? She had never had this, she had not had a loving family to look after her. It was never like this, and her parents also left her alone. It had all happened like a curse. A curse that couldn't be broken. Tamiko kept imagining what it would be like if she had parents, what would have happened then? Then she would not have ended up in the orphanage and would never have met her stepparents, maybe the best. That's when it started.
She was seven years old, and ran crying from her small room. It was pink and decorated with all kinds of dolls, her parents apparently only wanted the best and variety for the girl when she was alone, as if they had thought so. A thunderstorm, when she was still awake in bed at night, she could see the contours of a lightning bolt from the window, it came from below upwards and not, as everyone assumed, from above downwards. Immediately after the lightning, Tamiko also knew, the thunder would come. It had never been loud, no matter how far it was, but that night it hit the front door. A loud roar could be heard and she was frightened, it was bad. Weeping she ran out of the room, crying into her parents' arms, but what she saw made her blood run cold.
Tamiko's mother was standing there, holding a porcelain bowl and throwing it at her father. Again there was an argument and this time the little one had to watch it. Her father drank again and came home drunk, mother had worried again, again they had argued about it and again it was loud.
"Stop it, please stop," Tamiko asked her parents. Bitter tears ran down her cheeks and she wished nothing more than if her parents would stop arguing."Tamiko ... go to bed immediately," her mother ordered. She didn't want her daughter to hear about the argument. Worried, she picked up her little one and took her to her room. Now she should sleep and not worry about what her parents were doing.
"But mom ..." the little girl sniffed. She would have loved to cling to her mother just to have someone there for her, but she couldn't count on that. After Tamiko was put back in bed, her mother was gone too. That was the last time that she had seen the two of them, what had happened in the morning towards the morning, she did not know, everything had been pure speculation.
Tamiko's entire life had changed, she was sent to the orphanage and after a while, parents were found for her. Again and again the girl wondered how long they would hold out with her and again and again she had the feeling that they wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible. And then came the time of loneliness again. Their stepparents had a little girl themselves, someone who quickly took the place of their daughter and there was no more room for Tamiko. Again she was alone, but this time it wasn't meant to be.
In the neighborhood, very close to the house, she had met a little boy, he was always happy and laughed, and he had had an intact family. It was only by chance that she had heard that his name was Kiyobashi. And it was only by chance that she began to befriend him, but the friendship did not last forever. It was soon tested, but failed. Kiyobashi went to an expensive boarding school abroad and had completely forgotten his little sandpit friend. All these years there were no letters, no calls and no contact until he returned home at the age of 15. When Tamiko heard about it, she was delighted, it made her heart beat faster, again she had the feeling of no longer dying of loneliness, an old friend would return to her, but it wasn't made that easy for her.The two no longer had anything in common and couldn't even be in the same room without an argument. Only after a year, a long year full of loneliness, had the two become closer again, they had noticed what they had in common and how well they had got along at the time. They became friends again and did so much together.
For a long time, until this day, as always, she asked him why people are lonely, she had never understood it and also not why it had hit them of all people. Had she been such a bad person? Had she done something that angered someone else? She did not know and tried again and again to live into the day, but she could no longer. Any longer and she couldn't have taken it.
The day that followed was decisive for Tamiko. She strolled unsuspecting through the park, just like that and for no reason. On her way she watched the people, everyone of them had someone, only she didn't. She had a good friend by her side, but the emptiness in her had increased.
It had been so nice in the park, apart from everyone else, she just sat on the grass and watched her surroundings, her main focus was on the animals. Butterflies of all kinds, they buzzed around and enlivened the environment. It was nice to see them, especially what they were doing. They looked so fragile, so alone, and yet they weren't. They had their friends with them and flew around. There was nothing and no one to stop them, they did what they wanted, just like that, Mother Nature had made sure of that. Tamiko stood up smiling, she raised her hand and watched the butterflies fly. Some of the little butterflies fluttered around her hand and she smiled. Once she was happy and it was only a small situation that made her happy.With this good feeling, Tamiko could calmly leave the park, she no longer worried about what was so depressing her. The freedom of the butterflies had made up for these thoughts. But at home they came back right where she went to her room. You could see the emptiness and coldness, but that wouldn't keep her from everything either. She happily opened the window and let in the breeze. It had been so nice to feel the warm wind on the cold skin and slowly she saw the butterflies moving into her room. She can't say whether they were real or imagined, but at the moment it hadn't mattered. She enjoyed seeing the butterflies dancing around her and taking in her in their midst. Tamiko had slowly had the feeling that she could float and be free like a bird, everything around her turned and left no more room for loneliness, until she came up with a fatal idea.
"I want to be free ... free as a bird and the butterflies around me," she said aloud. She wanted to scream