Chapter 1: One year later: A daring theory


It was done. I hadn't imagined it.
It really happened and as much as it tears me apart, there is nothing I can do about it. It's over. Time doesn't heal my wounds. You stay open. Forever ...

Arashi brushed the black strands from his face and propped himself up against the table with his hand. Her gaze wandered from her school books to the window, from which a bewitching scent wafted. Autumn...
But this time of year could no longer make her happy. On the contrary. Autumn always reminded her of things that made her cry. Beautiful things. Memories.

She hardly followed class, only answered when someone called her and preferred to spend the rest of the time alone.
It had been 9 months since her dreams had ended in a gruesome way. 9 months...

She wondered how she was going to get over this loss and she came to the realization that she would never bring herself to forgethimor the night he left her. Never...

"Yoshino?"
When her name was called, she looked up. Looked into her teacher's disappointed eyes. She already guessed what he was thinking. > What has become of you? You were one of my best students
But she couldn't and wouldn't give him an answer. He wouldn't be able to understand it anyway. She got up from her seat, she had only incidentally overheard the question and was waiting for her teacher to ask the task again.
"Translate the text on the board into English."
She looked, realized that it was lyrics and instantly her heart felt heavy. She knew the text. She began to translate softly:

"Every night in my dreams, I see you. I feel you ...
That is how I know you go on ...
Far across the distance and spaces between us. You have come to show you go on ... "Inside she felt something break. It was her heart that was overwhelmed by unspeakable grief that she hoped not to have to translate any further.
"Very good. Go on.", Praised her teacher and a smile spread across his face.
Arashi looked sadly at the second line:

"Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime and never go till we're on ...."

“What are these lines supposed to mean?” The question was addressed to the whole class while Arashi absorbed the words just said. Instead of the other, she answered the question:
"It's a lover's song. She says that she's going to meet her loved one at night in ..." "... sees in her dreams at night. He has come to show her that life goes on ..."

Her classmates looked at her. They stared intently at her lips, at the explanation of the song. Arashi had been speaking by itself for a long time. She had been changed in the past few months. The otherwise fun-loving girl had become a mute and calm person. Her closest friends, student Yukari and student Masayoshi, looked at her in surprise. The joy but also the curiosity could be seen in her eyes. Arashi finally came out of himself. If only they had known that this song tore her heart apart and deepened a wound that was already deep enough.
"She speaks of the only true love and the fulfillment that it brings with it. Love can meet us once and last a lifetime and never stop until ... we are one."

Her teacher saw her speaking. His students did the same. These moving words, spoken from the bottom of my heart, made a great impression.
"You said that very nicely, Arashi. Please get in touch. You really know how to use your words." Having said that, Arashi sat down again and her teacher, happy to see old times in his students come back to life, wrote the rest of the song on the board.The long, black hair fell into Arashi's eyes, hiding the reddened eyelids and the faint tears that ran down her face. She was crying, silently ... to herself. That song had awakened buried memories in her. Memories that always reminded her of the person in her heart.
Lawliet.
9 months. He had been dead for so many months. Buried under stuffy earth. In a place that he would never leave in his life.
Life ...
It was so unfair. Why did he have to die? What did he do wrong?
He had trusted him ...Arashi hated the man responsible for Lawliet's death. She hated him from the bottom of her heart and she just couldn't forget his red eyes. Every time she closed her eyes and tried to think of Lawliet, those damn eyes appeared to her. Devilish. Thinking of God.
Yagami Raito ...A normal student like you or the others.A normal person ....No. Normal was the wrong word. How could someone be normal who killed innocent people with a book?

In an unobserved moment, Arashi wiped away warm tears. Not knowing that her classmate Masayoshi Asano was looking at her with a startled look. He had seen the tears and wondered why she was suffering so. What was it that changed her so much? Since November 5th last year she had been changed. What had happened to her that night? She didn't want to tell him and her friend Yukari. She was silent. And with this silence a friendship began to break.
The redeeming ringing of the school bell prompted the students to get up and go out into the hallway. Arashi sat motionless in her seat for a while. Her gaze focused on the blackboard and the terribly sweet words. He would not return to her dreams. Never again.It's over ... it ended that night ...She got up, packed her things and tossed the school bag over her shoulder. She couldn't stand it for seconds in this room. In a room where she was reminded of him every moment. She walked quickly out the door, but at the last moment someone grabbed her wrist.
"What's going on, Arashi? Where are you going?" It was Masayoshi. His eyes were full of concern and his gaze betrayed that he would not be ready to let her go.
"I'm not feeling well ... I'm going home.", She lied without looking into his eyes.
"Then lie down on the infirmary until you feel better." He pulled the pupil's petite body towards him.
"No, I'm going home," she said firmly and pulled away from him. Her uniform rustled slightly as she walked down the hall and left poor Masayoshi in silence. There was no point in persuading her to repent, the 21-year-old student knew. If Arashi had got something on his mind, even if it was only the decision to go home, then it was no longer to be made of it. In that way at least, she hadn't changed.
What was the matter with her? What had become of the happy person who was always up for fun? What had become of the girl that one could only love? Where was her smile that charmed you and took your breath away?


Arashi stepped out of the building, the autumn wind brushing the black strands from her face and cooling her hot cheeks. She loved the wind, but even now it couldn't lift her spirits. Nothing could improve her mood, nothing that could be achieved.
She started on the way home, always looking at the ground and thinking about her thoughts. The same thoughts she'd been indulging in for the past 9 months. It was always the same. She always thought only of him:

You were a fool ... why did you trust him?Everything would have turned out differently, had you just not trusted him ... but what do I say ...
Laughing children's voices pressed to her ears and she had to remember a dream almost 10 years ago. It had been summer and Lawliet was looking out his window. Watched the children in the garden playing and gassing their terrible fate of being orphans. He couldn't forget. The fact that he had no parents brought tears to his eyes every time, so that he had to seek consolation from Watari. He took his protégé in his arms, gently stroked his back and tried to drive the sad thoughts out of him.
He didn't succeed every time, but Lawliet was glad that there was anyone who could hug him.Anyone at all ....

How gladly would she have been the one to take care of him. How much she wished now that she would take him in her arms and never let go again. How gladly ...
But it was just a wish that was never to come true. A dream that was gradually losing its shape. The laughter disappeared and with it the picture of Watari holding Lawliet in his protective arms.
It's so unfair ... I love you after all. Isn't my love enough to bring you back to me? Is it really that hopeless? Is Death Really The End?
The cold has long enveloped my heart. I no longer feel my senses and all the beautiful colors in my life give way to a gloomy gray. I want to go on ... but I can't. I stop and see that you have left me.

She had stopped in the middle of the walk, she hadn't noticed. The passers-by around her gawked curiously at her, whispered behind her hand and fixed her with her eyes. It was all the same to Arashi. Let people think of them what they wanted.[i]He had never thought about whether people liked him or not ... never.She continued on her way. Wondered where to go. Home? To her aunt? No, her aunt was away and wouldn't come back until tomorrow. The apartment was empty. As empty as her heart. Where should she go She didn't know and yet they carried her legs to one place. Further and further away from the city, into a deserted area. Lanes of trees adorned the roadside. Arashi felt lost. She had no one to talk to about her missing dreams. No one who might have hugged her. The person who was the only one she cared about was dead.

Only when she stopped again, looked up and saw a tombstone in front of her, did she know that her way had led her tohisgrave. The cross, which cast a small shadow on the ground, touched the surrounding grass.
The sun in the sky gently caressed the cold stone. Arashi gently ran his fingertips over the inscription. At that time she went to his grave and found it. Back then, a week after her dreams ended. At first she wasn't sure if she would find it, or if one had even been built for him. But the police officers at the time had made sure that Lawliet was not passed away as nobody from this world. He died trying to