I had suffered for so long. I had been alone for so many months. Alone without Edward. I fell too deep. I felt the hole would never end.
But there was light. Suddenly I stopped falling and stopped. I stayed in the light, although I had long been in the dark and parked a big hole in my heart, I was now in the light again.
This light appeared the day I saw Jacob again. He became my personal sun. He became my hold. I could always rely on him. Even when he turned into a werewolf and we argued, even then we made up and it was all right again. I even believe that everything was different somehow. I heard Edward's voice less often and actually I didn't need it anymore. I didn't even know if I still missed him.

What was he actually still for me? I was mad at him and I was so disappointed and hurt. You can't just make up for something like that, but still he gave me up and when Alice was suddenly back in our house I no longer knew what to believe in.
nothing to Jacob wanted to have something to do with the vampires and I had the feeling that the hole in the heart was getting bigger because I didn't want to lose him too.

Then I flew to Voltera with Alice. We flew there to prevent Edward from harming himself. To save him. But Jacob was there. He said goodbye to me and didn't want me to leave. He wanted me to stay, but something inside of me wanted to save Edward. With the Volturi, Edward had to promise to turn me into a vampire. Yes that was my dream. Wait a minute it was ... yes it used to be my dream, but was it still? I did not know it.
We flew back and actually I didn't want to sleep even though I was so tired. On the plane, I didn't want to leave Edward's side, even though he had hurt me so much. Now the only thing that counted was that he was alive and there.
But I knew I had to talk to him. Talk to him about my future.