Pairing:Not really there. Downright atomic hints on Zero x Ichiru - someone 'ne magnifying glass?
Warnings:Hardcore nonsense, (intentionally) bad grammar & childlike writing style (also intended)
Comment: Somehow I was so fascinated by this fraternal relationship that I had to write something about it. :O


If it's not forever ...


There are days like that in the life of eight-year-old Ichiru Kiryu that he just can't get along with. They start with him climbing out of bed in the morning, almost at night, and sitting in the living room, no matter how sleepy he is. Always in the same place, just not too conspicuous. Now and then his head with the light hair flits to the side a bit, only as far as is necessary to be able to look something out of the window. Through the clear glass, in the middle of the courtyard of your house. On each of these days he sees the same thing: his brother, at his side his father and master Yagari. Ichiru has never dared come out and has never risked one look too much. He's always just been as conspicuous as necessary to do the same thing each of those days.

Get one last look at his brother before Zero has to go hunting again.

Ichiru knows a day or two in advance when his brother has to leave. He recognizes it by Zero's facial expressions. To him, looking at his twin brother is like looking in a mirror. And as soon as his image seems too withdrawn and thoughtful (even more than usual), Ichiru knows that it is that time again. Zero goes with Master Yagari and Ichiru has to stay at home and get bored and fear for hisNii-Chanand doubt him and doubt himself and all because he is not strong enough.

Neither to come along, nor to keep Zero with him.

Every time Ichiru has resolved to be notup herebutdown there. The moment his father pats Zero on the shoulder (such a familiar gesture) and wishes him good luck, he would burst in between. He would grab his brother by the arm and hold him tight and tell him not to go. And hisNii-Chanwould stay, he is sure of that. It would all be perfect - he wouldn't have to deal with this boredom and worry and doubt.

If only he weren't so weak!

Ichiru is not afraid that his brother will hate him. He never would. But it would all be so risky. His father would send him back to his room and then Zero would stand up for him. Start like he always does. And in the end, they'd both get in trouble, but Ichiru doesn't want his brother in trouble because of him.

So every time he stands still up here, plagues himself with reproaches, doubts and prays that Zero will come back safe and sound.

Somehow he always managed to get through those moments, but once his brother is gone, things won't get any better.When Ichiru is certain that Zero is no longer in sight, he starts running. Mostly in his room, sometimes in the garden, but always so fast that his heart begins to pound.

It's good to know that life goes on when yourNii-Chanis not around.
Then, when he stops, he is out of breath and drenched in sweat and finds that his ailing body is nowhere near as strong as his brother's.

At the same moment, Ichiru thinks about how much Zero's body can withstand and then he sees pictures in front of him of his brother being beaten up and lying on the ground and his red blood covering his body. These are those moments when the stinging in his heart (it comes from running, just running!) Increases immeasurably. Shortly afterwards he collapses because his body, unlike that of his brother, cannot withstand as much and is much too weak as himself.

When he opens his eyes again, he sees thousands of pictures in front of him through the blinding light, but all of them embrace hisNii-Chan.

Nii-Chanwhile cuddling,Nii-Chanwhile playing,Nii-Chanwhile talking to mother and father,Nii-chan[ / i]while hunting,Nii-chan,Nii-chan,Nii-chan...

And then Ichiru's eyes widen for good because he knows that his brother is not with him. And he screams and rages and curses Master Yagari and his parents because they take his[/]Nii-Chanaway from him.

That's exactly how it would be today. Ichiru is once again sitting on the couch in the living room, right by the window, and downstairs he sees his father, Master Yagari and his brother standing.
He closes his eyes and sighs softly. It is a greeting to the tidal wave of fear and doubt and tension that is now emerging and rolling towards him.

'Goodbye,Nii-Chan', he thinks, and wants to look at his brother one last time through the pane of glass. Make sure Zero's body is strong enough to withstand anything.

But that is not his brother's body that he is looking at, it is something else that intuitively makes his eyes widen.

'This is ...Nii-chan.'

Zero is not absorbed in the conversation with his father, as usual, he actually doesn't talk at all, just stares up at the window through which Ichiru is looking at him.

'What shoud that? ', Ichiru keeps asking himself. His brother has never looked directly at him when he goes on a new hunt. Basically, Ichiru was also sure that Zero didn't even know that he was watching him every time.

And now he looks him straight in the eye, but his brother's look doesn't seem surprised. He is demanding, a mere command to Ichiru.

And suddenly there is the opportunity to change something.

He hastily jumps off the couch and runs. Out of the room, down the stairs, out the door.Ichiru runs fast, faster than ever, even faster than when his brother is out of sight. Something is different. There is no stinging in his chest this time. He only feels his uncontrolled breath, but there is nothing more.

'Just watch out,Nii-chan, I'll be with you in a moment!'

He pushes the handle and looks through the crack in the door and then he sees it.

'Nii-chanis still there! He didn't go! '

Ichiru rushes up to him and takes his arm, just like he always planned.
His father looks confused and Master Yagari looks annoyed, but that doesn't matter because hisNii-Chanis with him.
Now he wouldn't have to worry anymore and everything would be fine!

"Ichiru, what are you doing here?" His father asks him, but Ichiru shakes his head and ignores him. He stares at his brother, completely fixed.

'Nii-chansay you stay here.'

Just like his brother just did with him, Ichiru wants to summon and command him, with one simple look and it seems to work.
Zero smiles at him as he always smiles at Ichiru when everything is fine.
Then when Santa Claus has forgotten Ichiru's beloved wooden sword and then when Ichiru cannot play with the other children again because of his weak immune system.
Then hisNii-Chanalways smiles at him so sweetly and shortly afterwards everything gets better.
He gets his wooden sword and the other children are invited to play in his room.
And this time the smile would mean that his brother would stay with him.

"Do you want to say goodbye to me, Ichiru? I'm glad."

Sometimes, in moments like these, Ichiru just wants to break down. And then he wonders why that doesn't happen, because the pain is much stronger than usual. But he stays awake and then he gets angry. Like right now.

"Nii-Chan!" he shouts, and grabs Zero tightly by the arm. It must hurt his brother, but Ichiru doesn't care, it hurts him even more!

"You lied to me,Nii-Chan!" Between his screams a sob mixes and it must seem incredibly stupid how he stands there crying and pulling on his brother's arm and all for no apparent reason .

'But it hurts so much!'

Suddenly something brushes Ichiru's hair and inevitably he calms down a bit, because he realizes that it is his brother's hand.
He lifts his head slightly and sees Zero looking at him worried and a little confused.
In a final fit of anger and sadness and all the other feelings that Ichiru doesn't understand (and doesn't even want to understand), he presses his brother to him, tightly, so tightly that his knuckles protrude white .

"Ichiru ... what's wrong?"

Ichiru has calmed down a bit, but just answering this question from his brother, he would like to scream again.Is it that incomprehensible?

"I just don't want you to go,Nii-chan." He says, looking rather embarrassed in the way he lowers his head.
He can guess what his brother would think of him now.
He must seem so weak, so damn weak.

"Ichiru, it's not the first time I've gone hunting. And it's not for long either, I promise."

"How long are you going to be away?" He wants to know, because he notices that he can no longer stand on his feet properly. But at least he has to know that.

"Two, at most three days," replies his brother and at the same moment Ichiru notices that Zero is supporting him.
And then there is that trust again, which he has always shown hisNii-Chan. How could he doubt it? Zero didn't lie to him, he wanted an honest goodbye. It was Ichiru who got things a little wrong.

"And you come back, Zero?"

"Of course. Two or three days and I'll be back here. Don't worry, little brother, I wouldn't lie to you."

Ichiru tentatively nods. His Nii-chan may be leaving now, but he would be back. And as long as he doesn't go forever, Ichiru can also cope with having to be alone now and then ... The time he spends with his brother becomes even more precious.