Sonanshoni - Misfortune child

No matter where I walk or stand, no matter whether I wake up or sleep, bad luck follows me every step of the way. It doesn't even hit me, but the people around me. Sometimes it's just little things, like a torn shopping bag or a broken plate. But there are also life-threatening situations in which those affected can barely escape death. And some ... yes, some also died because they were around me.
Today had been particularly bad again. I was walking along a country road, unsuspecting, when a black Mercedes came up to me at full speed. But thanks to my quick reflexes I was able to avoid it soon enough. The car, however, sped past me, there was a loud bang, followed by a scream.
I spun around, startled. It was a terrible sight. The black Mercedes had crashed into a family car and pushed it into the ditch by the roadside. The Mercedes itself was upside down on the street and there was blood everywhere. Blood mixed with the leaking gasoline. From the car in the ditch, the screams of small children reached my ears, crying desperately for their parents. But they got no answer.
I just stood around listlessly and didn't move. The rest of the water in the trench was also gradually turning red. Blood red.
I knew that any help would come too late for the children's parents and the Mercedes driver, I don't know why, I just knew it. Something inside told me It was like that every time. I always knew who had a chance to live and who didn't. And the children had this chance. But instead of helping them, I just ran away.
I just ran away without thinking, let my feet guide me and ignored my surroundings. I ran on and on and only stopped when my legs gave way and I fell lengthways into the dirt. I ignored the throbbing pain in my knees, I just felt the tear that ran down my face.
It happened again.
Again innocent people died.
They died again because I happened to be near them.
Again it was my fault that they were no longer alive.
They were dead, as were the only people in my life I loved. They all died - and it was all my fault!
I often wonder what kind of life they would have had if I hadn't been there. Probably they would all have been happy, my parents would have had another child, one that did not bring unhappiness to everyone around them.
They would all have had a happy and peaceful life.
You would have had it if it hadn't been for me.
Already when I was born I brought misfortune with me, my mother died shortly after I took my first breath and my father much three days later down the stairs in the hospital and was paraplegic from then on.Then two years later he died of sudden cardiac arrest. I grew up in a pretty shabby children's home and there were accidents almost every day, but none of them were life-threatening.
It wasn't until I was in 9th grade that something terrible happened again. My teacher tripped over my foot and broken his neck in the impact at the bottom of the stairs. I was suspended from class and from then on I never went to school again because I was afraid it might happen again.
Since then I haven't had a real home, lived here and there and stole food and money from others in order to survive. I avoided being around others for fear of accidents. And the others avoided me, everyone knew my name and knew what I had "committed". The next day, terrible things happened to those who dared to go near me and I kept hiding.
Generally they now called me Sonanshoni, because that was exactly what I was, a child of misfortune.