Translation
When you're down
Do not leave me!
Don't leave me!
Silence. Endless silence and darkness. The only thing that filled the room was my confusion. My fear.
As lonely as ever, I sat in this small apartment in southwest British Columbia on the west coast of Canada. Vancouver. Quite a nice city, actually, if the current circumstances would be different. My head rested on my arms, which I had put listlessly on the cold windowsill. What to do? Those voices ... I just couldn't get them out of my head.
"It is your fault!" they scream, roar inside me. Incessantly, as if they'll never go away. Could it be my fault that everything turned out like this? My parents ... what are they doing right now? How is my mom And most of all, what are you doing, brother?
~ Flashback ~
3 years ago in the city of Vancouver. That's where the trouble started, when I had just turned 14. It was as unexpected as a belated birthday present that someone wanted to surprise me with. I, Jason, a 14-year-old boy, stood on the threshold of the living room, leaning calmly against the wooden door frame. But it was just a show. Every muscle, no matter how small, had tightened at the time. My slim body winced instantly. Loud shouts rang out that it would never end.
"Then get out of here! Get out of here!"
"I beg your pardon ?! Whose apartment is this? Oh, I forgot ... Mine ?!"
"Fine! I'm going! But if you think I'm going alone, you've cut yourself!"
"No!!"
"What?!"
"You don't go, I'll kick you out! Alone!"
"Pah! You can do me!"
What a wonderful awful conversation. The first voice sounded very much like my mother, while the other was very similar to my extremely irritable father. My parents. They took turns having this unmistakable conversation. I looked pained and tried to avert my eyes. They didn't seem to notice me anyway.
There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that I could have done. Far too often my attempts had failed miserably. I could only stand by, watch and listen. But today it would be different. A lot would change.
"Help ..." I mumbled in agony and turned away from the action. What should be different? As always, everything would be fine after 5 minutes. It had always been like that. The turning point followed. A loud clang. That clang sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't dare turn around to take a quick look. I swallowed and could imagine how all kinds of sparkling shards of glass flew through the room.
...Silence...
Why are you not here now, Jamie?was my first thought. Jamie was my older brother- a brother like no other. Practically sent by the angels. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.
I did not succeed.Everything was a reality.
Damn it!
That same day the problems got bigger and bigger.
"What happened?!" came the shocked sounding voice of my older brother, who had been roughly informed about the events through a phone call.
"It's-, I, I ..." I looked up at Jamie, my eyes bleary. A moment later I felt his hand on my shoulder. My eyes fell again. "Dad did something to Mum ... They're going to split the two of us ... I don't want you to go ..." Jamie's eyes widened. His brother had to tell the truth, he thought. He wished it wasn't.
"It'll be fine ... Everything will be fine." his voice was soft and calm. As always when he tried to help me. But at the same moment I shook his hand from my shoulder. I looked up at him one more time.
"I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS!" I screamed uncontrollably. This scream echoed through all the corridors and rooms of the youth welfare office until it fell completely silent. In one of the farthest corners. Shortly afterwards, a warm tear made its way down my cheek.
It was extremely rare for me to cry ...
~ Flashback end ~
The words of that day echoed through my head again and again. All of that happened just two days ago.
I came temporarily to a young couple who lived in this small apartment. They were actually quite nice and just wanted me to be fine, but I'm not ready for it yet. Another thought flew around the room that could answer a small part of my question from earlier. At the youth welfare office, they had said Jamie would be placed in an assisted living facility.
Just where? Vancouver was great! Would you give me information that easily?
After all, he's my brother!
Sighing deeply, I rose from one of the chairs that had been set up around the comfortable dining table. I sat there and thought for the last 2 1/2 hours. Now something had to change. Yet again.
I had to change it. This situation!
-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------
So this is where the prologue of my 1st FF ends here.
Criticism is always welcome ~!
LG, Luca-chan
Silence. Endless silence and darkness. The only thing that filled the room was my confusion. My fear.
As lonely as ever, I sat in this small apartment in southwest British Columbia on the west coast of Canada. Vancouver. Quite a nice city, actually, if the current circumstances would be different. My head rested on my arms, which I had put listlessly on the cold windowsill. What to do? Those voices ... I just couldn't get them out of my head.
"It is your fault!" they scream, roar inside me. Incessantly, as if they'll never go away. Could it be my fault that everything turned out like this? My parents ... what are they doing right now? How is my mom And most of all, what are you doing, brother?
~ Flashback ~
3 years ago in the city of Vancouver. That's where the trouble started, when I had just turned 14. It was as unexpected as a belated birthday present that someone wanted to surprise me with. I, Jason, a 14-year-old boy, stood on the threshold of the living room, leaning calmly against the wooden door frame. But it was just a show. Every muscle, no matter how small, had tightened at the time. My slim body winced instantly. Loud shouts rang out that it would never end.
"Then get out of here! Get out of here!"
"I beg your pardon ?! Whose apartment is this? Oh, I forgot ... Mine ?!"
"Fine! I'm going! But if you think I'm going alone, you've cut yourself!"
"No!!"
"What?!"
"You don't go, I'll kick you out! Alone!"
"Pah! You can do me!"
What a wonderful awful conversation. The first voice sounded very much like my mother, while the other was very similar to my extremely irritable father. My parents. They took turns having this unmistakable conversation. I looked pained and tried to avert my eyes. They didn't seem to notice me anyway.
There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that I could have done. Far too often my attempts had failed miserably. I could only stand by, watch and listen. But today it would be different. A lot would change.
"Help ..." I mumbled in agony and turned away from the action. What should be different? As always, everything would be fine after 5 minutes. It had always been like that. The turning point followed. A loud clang. That clang sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't dare turn around to take a quick look. I swallowed and could imagine how all kinds of sparkling shards of glass flew through the room.
...Silence...
Why are you not here now, Jamie?was my first thought. Jamie was my older brother- a brother like no other. Practically sent by the angels. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.
I did not succeed.Everything was a reality.
Damn it!
That same day the problems got bigger and bigger.
"What happened?!" came the shocked sounding voice of my older brother, who had been roughly informed about the events through a phone call.
"It's-, I, I ..." I looked up at Jamie, my eyes bleary. A moment later I felt his hand on my shoulder. My eyes fell again. "Dad did something to Mum ... They're going to split the two of us ... I don't want you to go ..." Jamie's eyes widened. His brother had to tell the truth, he thought. He wished it wasn't.
"It'll be fine ... Everything will be fine." his voice was soft and calm. As always when he tried to help me. But at the same moment I shook his hand from my shoulder. I looked up at him one more time.
"I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS!" I screamed uncontrollably. This scream echoed through all the corridors and rooms of the youth welfare office until it fell completely silent. In one of the farthest corners. Shortly afterwards, a warm tear made its way down my cheek.
It was extremely rare for me to cry ...
~ Flashback end ~
The words of that day echoed through my head again and again. All of that happened just two days ago.
I came temporarily to a young couple who lived in this small apartment. They were actually quite nice and just wanted me to be fine, but I'm not ready for it yet. Another thought flew around the room that could answer a small part of my question from earlier. At the youth welfare office, they had said Jamie would be placed in an assisted living facility.
Just where? Vancouver was great! Would you give me information that easily?
After all, he's my brother!
Sighing deeply, I rose from one of the chairs that had been set up around the comfortable dining table. I sat there and thought for the last 2 1/2 hours. Now something had to change. Yet again.
I had to change it. This situation!
-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------
So this is where the prologue of my 1st FF ends here.
Criticism is always welcome ~!
LG, Luca-chan