Hi, thanks for the comments!


1.: That with the 7 saved comments under the last text was not on purpose, at first it didn't work at all, and when I looked again later, it was posted so often. Sorry


2nd: This is a normal story and not a DBZ ff and has very little to do with DBZ.


Who now thinks: oh, no DBZ, then bye ... can of course click directly on this story, but this is only a warning for those who do not write comments! (Not as serious as it sounds.) Because stories like the following arise when the author is easily depressed.




dreams




Sunday, September 17 (= Date)


She did not know who was quoting the saying "dreams are hidden truths" all the time. Maybe it was her grandma, but basically she didn't care. If her dreams were hidden truths, then she tormented herself through her life for nothing else, because problems would then dissolve into pleasing ones.The word 'school' in their vocabulary meant something like 'premature death', or 'unlimited torment'. As a result, if her dreams were true, she would no longer need to go to school because it would no longer be necessary. why would you still need to know? But she knew that no one could or would want to follow her train of thought. Sometimes she wondered if life was a never-ending torment. Maybe she was the only real human, and everyone else just robots, like in the science fiction films? She pondered the virtues of people so often described. Honesty, courage, and much more. She compared several of these virtues with people she knew. For example, no one was brave in her opinion.


Is it brave to make fun of others so that you can improve your self-esteem? Is it brave to let others suffer emotionally just to feel validated? Or is it then brave to do nonsense in the group in order to be considered cool in the group, and then if you get caught, to back off in a cowardly way and, if possible, to blame others?Questions like this kept floating through her head. Did everyone else walk blindly through their lives and she was the only one who saw?


She looks calmly at the knife in her hand. The sparkling, yet sharp, blade glittered in the light of the setting sun. She wasn't afraid of death.


Perhaps she judged the whole of life too hastily, misjudged it just because she had problems at school. She had no problems with the work, it was easy for her. But she was sad at the sight of her classmates, as well as that of her teachers. Recently they had dealt with human rights in politics. In her textbook it was said "We were not granted human rights by a solemn state act, but own them because we are human beings, e.g. the right to life ...". Her classmates and teachers had absolutely nothing of the virtues that were always impressively portrayed in their books as human beings.They were dishonest, betrayed others, but above all themselves. Were they human? They exterminated entire races, and then still insisted on their human rights? Was such behavior human? Or was the idea of ​​people in your books just a dream, as were feelings? Feelings are often associated with 'love'. Is it the so-called motherly love when the mother hits her child because she just feels like it, or the child did not do everything right from the start? Is it the `love of youth` when two 12 or 16 year olds, in both cases the same, regardless of whether they are precocious or teen, say` I love you` and break up again after two weeks? Are there real feelings that you have for someone, whether friendship or love, when you can just 'break up with someone' and just as easily turn off these feelings? Is it love when the partners in a marriage lie to each other?Or the same with so-called friendship: Is it friendship when two friends lie to each other, be it about their origins or friends; do you call such things feelings? Maybe she was just 'disturbed', as her classmates always said. Was she really bothered? She knew that she was not perfect, but then did others have the right to talk like that, to blaspheme about her appearance etc. when they were not perfect themselves? But what would happen if everyone was perfect; wouldn't they all look the same then? If she didn't do the same nonsense as everyone else, was she not a person and didn't deserve to live? Here and now she could put an end to all her suffering. Here and now. Her hand was steady and would find its way to her wrists with great precision. Why was she so calm? Why did she care so much lately? The people she lived with, the school, her own life? She didn't know.Nor did she remember when it all started. Outwardly she was strong, to her friends she was funny and happy, made them laugh, to those she didn't like and conversely she was cold and mocking. But inside her a yawning emptiness spread. She called for someone to save her and make her a normal 'human'. Who tramples on the 'feelings' of others without thinking and is not worried about anything, at most how he can prove himself and in front of others. If she were 'stupid', would she be happy? Her heart and soul cried desperately for salvation, even if it had to be death. but with every call she heard only the faint echo of her own voice.


She closed her eyes. If everything were as simple as on television, she would not be in this position. At DBZ for example: when enemies appeared, strong warriors fought and defeated them. After these fights, they returned to their calm, orderly life and became happy.Although she did not watch programs like GZSZ, she knew that it also contained people's longing for ideal images or the 'perfect life' where there were no financial worries. But didn't these money worries just arise because people wanted it that way? Because you wouldn't be doing someone else a favor for nothing else? That was already the case in the early days of mankind, but wouldn't it be better that the joy of others was more reward than glittering objects or beautiful stones, money, jewelry and other things?


Her thoughts whirled around, jumped from one word to the next problem topic and not only confused herself. When she went to the 'wise and clever' adults who knew everything, she was looked at strangely and the answer was that she was in one difficult situation, which they had to go through themselves, this `phase` passed and afterwards everything would be OK again. But such conversations did not solve their problems either.She was wondering what, and in what leaps of thought she was thinking. It not only confused the other, but most of all it confused herself! In a report on divisiveness, she once saw that Schizufrene were thinking a thousand thoughts at once, so to speak, because of hormone overproduction. But was she really upset just because she was thinking differently and in rapid succession? Disturbed, Mentally Confused? Actually nothing would change in her life because of this fact, she was treated like a leper anyway, and behind her back, but also in such a way that she could hear it, she was blasphemed. In general, did the 'healthy' have the right, because of their advantages over such 'sick', to complain about the 'sick' just because they were different?


Sighing inaudibly, she threw the knife into the ground in which it got stuck. She raised her hand and wiped a strand of hair from her face.

...




Friday, October 15


She walked across the schoolyard, which was now empty from school; the bell had rung for the long break and it was raining, so that the students had retired to the common rooms of the boarding school. Since her father had separated from the family when her mother was admitted to psychiatry because of mental losses, she was now living in boarding school. She had no siblings. The rain ran down her face and dripped from her hair. She no longer had any friends; they had all turned away cowardly when the others in their class really began to harass them. Her eyes looked blank as she walked around the corner of the school building into a somewhat secluded courtyard. She avoided the public now because she didn't know what to do there. She turned into the small courtyard and was suddenly pushed roughly in the back from behind, so that she fell on the rain-soaked courtyard. She slowly straightened up and tilted her head so that she could see her attacker.A circle of about 10 young people had formed around them. Among them were two of her previous `best friends` with their new girlfriend, who looked down on them with confidence. The rest were some boys of the same age or older and grinned viciously. She looked calmly at the one who pushed her in her back and then let her gaze wander into her pursuers. She paused at her previous friends for a short time, approx. 5 seconds with calm emptiness in her eyes, then she turned her `attention`, if you could call it that, back to the rest of the gang. The emptiness didn't even leave her eyes when she got up and was immediately hit from two sides. The blow to the pit of the stomach made her cringe for a moment, but even when her lip in the right corner of her mouth split open from the blow in the face and a thin trickle of blood formed, she didn't make a face. "Why did you whistle to us, huh? We almost had the little shit, but then you trumpeted everything to his parents!But you'll regret that ... "And another slap hit her in the face. Even when the 'new' one of her old friends pulled a knife out of her coat, there was no contradiction from the victim's side. who said something meekly, were her ex-girlfriends: "Hey come Vio! We had our fun! Let's leave the matter with the knife ... "," Exactly, if a teacher comes by, then ... "" Are you scared now? You know, we smeared the new guy who is now supervising this part of the schoolyard! he can't get past here. But I should have known that with your GIRLFRIEND ... ", with this emphasis the boys began to grin even wider," ... you couldn't see any