Translation
Fanfic: Animus viam monstrat 18
a red head. What have I done now ???? !!!!!
(Kai's point of view)
I walk through the dark corridors of the abbey. Escape from something. Or in front of someone? I don't know, but I can feel the fear inside of me. The fear that threatens to panic. Suddenly I'm in a room. It is twilight, almost dark, and yet I can see everything that is going on in front of me. "You mustn't show any feelings! You mustn't cry! You have to be tough! You don't have any feelings!" Shouts the person in the brown robe. And I stand in front of her! Me as a child. Tears run down my cheeks and the person keeps hitting me. I feel every beat as if it were real. And yet the psychological pain is worse than the physical!
My legs cannot move. I just stand there, watch and feel every beat in me.How I would like to intervene! But it is too late!
The room is suddenly empty again. I can hear screams in the hallway behind me. I instinctively know that I have to run away. So i run Keep running Down the aisles. With every step the voices get louder, I get colder. Sweat stands on my forehead, I breathe hard. Again I come into a room. There is a little boy standing on the window sill and spreading his arms.
"In a moment I'll be able to fly, Dranzer! Fly away from all the pain!" He shouts happily. But then he is already grabbed, pulled down and beaten by a figure. Tears well up in my eyes.
I keep running. Just keep running. Away from the voices that follow me, away from the images. Now I come to a tableu. Before that, I stand as a 6-year-old. "Come on Dranzer! Get this bit beast down! You're weak! I don't want you! Black Dranzer is much stronger!Once I have it, it will show you how weak you are! You mustn't feel sorry for this bitch! Kill it! ", he yells." Kill it! "These words continue to echo in my ears as I run on. And then there is a wall in front of me. I can not go any further. The voices are getting closer and closer. They sound angry. My body starts out of control to tremble. Yes, I'm scared, although I shouldn't know this feeling.
Boris approaches me: "You're not a little scared, Kai! You have no feelings! And even if you do, you mustn't show them to anyone! You mustn't let them control you! And if you do ..." He points to one Door through which a boy is being pulled. Then he runs the palm of his hand over his neck and starts laughing maliciously. No! If I show feelings I will be eliminated! And yet I cannot suppress the fear. Neither do the tears that run down my cheeks.
But then I get warm! The warmth comes from my back, wraps itself around my chest and spreads further and further through my body. She gives me strength. My breath becomes calmer, I no longer tremble. And the fear is gone too. There is only a little sadness left in me. And the pain I always had and always will! But they too are alleviated! I walk up to Boris and suddenly he disappears. Everything around me disappears and turns black. I feel so safe.
Something is tickling my nose. I wrinkle it to get rid of it, but it doesn't work. I grumble unwillingly. But now my nose has finally had enough and I sneeze heartily. I automatically straighten up with a jerk. In the next moment I hear a scream and look to the right in amazement. There sits or lies, Nini and looks at me reproachfully. I just look back amazed and very sleepy. Was she in my bed? This warmth, the security?No this can not be! But what else is she doing there on the floor?
"Oh, is the gentleman already awake? And can I finally breathe freely again and no longer act as a pillow?", Nini asks me sarcastically.
I can't answer that at the moment. I am still too confused. What is she doing in my bed? Stop! My bed? I look around and see with relief that this is really my bed. But what did Nini do in it? She is getting up and rubbing her back. I look into her eyes questioningly, but she immediately turns away. At the moment I only understand that she was in bed with me and that she was the source of heat (smart, Kai !! ^^). But why did she do it?
"I'm going to take a shower now!" I say and go into the bathroom. I really don't know how to deal with this situation. Why is Nini mad at me? SHE came to bed with me. Why?
But there was somehow also helplessness in this sentence.I have no idea how I got it, but she seems totally embarrassed. Oh, I should stop thinking about it! That doesn't help anyway!
I turn on the tap and the warm water pours down on me. My body relaxes and my thoughts slowly organize themselves in my head. When I have finished showering, I turn on the 'cold' faucet. Immediately the water becomes ice cold and my pores contract. Every drop hurts like a pinprick. But I don't mind the pain. I've had worse! And yet these pains show me that I am still alive! That is something else in me that can feel pain. At least physically! After a while I turn off the water, dry myself off and get dressed again.
The room is empty. Where's nini? Fear rises in me. Where is she? Did something happen to her and I couldn't hear it because of the water? I run to the balcony and exhale with relief.There she stands and looks at something. Why am I so worried? I should have guessed that she was here! But no, I'm totally overreacting.
I go to her with wet hair.
"Look! Below us is only the sea!", She says. So she noticed me. And it seems to have become calmer too. I lean over the railing and look down. Yes, beneath what appears to be a castle is only water. Just water everywhere. You can't even see a bit of land on the horizon.
"Oh man, what do you do with your hair that, even when it's wet, it stands up in such a confused way?" She asks me, laughing. I can't answer that. Because I've never thought about that. It was normal for me.
"Why?" I ask her. With that, I am aiming more at the question of why she was in my bed today.
"Well, because where I come from, you need at least 10 cans of hairspray and three tubes of hair gel for such a hairstyle ..." she replies.
But I shake my head: "No, I actually meant ... Why were you in bed with me today?"
Nini bows her head and then says very quietly: "I heard you scream during the night and then well ... you know yourself"
I feel myself blushing. Why am I blushing the fuck now? What's embarrassing about that?
"Thanks!" I say and then go back into the room. Does Nini know that she helped me with it? Does she know that I'm thanking you for it? Or is she confused now? I dont know! Hopefully she won't ask me how I meant it! I would be really embarrassed to have to explain it to her.
Nini comes in and asks: “Why?” At first I look at her a little perplexed. Hopefully she doesn't mean why I said thank you !? Please do not!
"Why did you thank me?" She says softly. So she meant it! Can't she guess? I feel the blood rush to my face.Nini grins slightly. Do you enjoy embarrassing me?
"Well ... because ... you helped me, as you must have noticed!" I say quickly. Because I feel more blood gushing into my face, I get up and go to my closet. Damn it! Why am I blushing? That has never happened to me! And that's why I never learned to suppress it! Why does this embarrass me so much? Because I show even more how weak in am? Or is there another reason? No!
Nini walks past me and suddenly whispers in my ear: "I was happy to do it!" Her breath tickles in my ear and I notice how I get goosebumps. And then she gives me another kiss on the cheek. At first I am totally perplexed and cannot react. But I don't need that, Nini has long been in the bathroom. Still, I fix my gaze on the bathroom door and stare at it. But it's only a door, it can't give me an answer.An answer? Do I even want that? Nini and I are just friends! Not more! 'NOT MORE! 'it screams in my head. And my Heart? I have no more heart! It shattered! Really? Why are all these questions bothering me?
I feel my hand wander to the place where Nini kissed me. Without me doing anything. Without my wanting it, it wanders to my cheek! No! I kindly have to keep myself under control! With my willpower I tear my hand from my cheek and the momentum makes it hit the closet painfully. Ow! I clench my teeth and suck in air through my nose. Don't start screaming!
I slowly raise my hand and look at her. Great! Rattled right past the key! From the outer side of my hand, a long welt continues into the palm of my hand. Oh, just a scratch! But suddenly this "scratch" starts to bleed. Why does this key have to be so pointed?The blood slowly flows down my arm. I just stare at it. It's like it's hypnotizing me!
"What did you do with your hand? It has to be bandaged immediately!" Suddenly Nini is standing next to me. I didn't hear her coming.
I still can't move. What is so fascinating about this red liquid? It's just blood!
My hand still burns like fire.
"Hello? Earth on Kai's brain! Please report!", Says Nini. Then she grabs my arm, which is already very bloody, and pulls me to my bed. There she pushes me back slightly so that I sit on it.
"There must be bandages around here somewhere!" I hear them mutter.
“Ahh! There!” She comes back with a small suitcase. Where did she get that from?
First she wipes off the blood with a damp cloth. I'm torn. Should i pull my hand away
"Oida (same meaning as: oh man!^^ XD), the cut is deep! What did you do with your hand she asks me. Then suddenly she has a cotton ball soaked in blue in her hand and presses it onto the cut. It hurts so much that I tear my hand away first. "ahhh!" is the only thing I can say. I would love to have my arm away, it hurts so much!
(Kai's point of view)
I walk through the dark corridors of the abbey. Escape from something. Or in front of someone? I don't know, but I can feel the fear inside of me. The fear that threatens to panic. Suddenly I'm in a room. It is twilight, almost dark, and yet I can see everything that is going on in front of me. "You mustn't show any feelings! You mustn't cry! You have to be tough! You don't have any feelings!" Shouts the person in the brown robe. And I stand in front of her! Me as a child. Tears run down my cheeks and the person keeps hitting me. I feel every beat as if it were real. And yet the psychological pain is worse than the physical!
My legs cannot move. I just stand there, watch and feel every beat in me.How I would like to intervene! But it is too late!
The room is suddenly empty again. I can hear screams in the hallway behind me. I instinctively know that I have to run away. So i run Keep running Down the aisles. With every step the voices get louder, I get colder. Sweat stands on my forehead, I breathe hard. Again I come into a room. There is a little boy standing on the window sill and spreading his arms.
"In a moment I'll be able to fly, Dranzer! Fly away from all the pain!" He shouts happily. But then he is already grabbed, pulled down and beaten by a figure. Tears well up in my eyes.
I keep running. Just keep running. Away from the voices that follow me, away from the images. Now I come to a tableu. Before that, I stand as a 6-year-old. "Come on Dranzer! Get this bit beast down! You're weak! I don't want you! Black Dranzer is much stronger!Once I have it, it will show you how weak you are! You mustn't feel sorry for this bitch! Kill it! ", he yells." Kill it! "These words continue to echo in my ears as I run on. And then there is a wall in front of me. I can not go any further. The voices are getting closer and closer. They sound angry. My body starts out of control to tremble. Yes, I'm scared, although I shouldn't know this feeling.
Boris approaches me: "You're not a little scared, Kai! You have no feelings! And even if you do, you mustn't show them to anyone! You mustn't let them control you! And if you do ..." He points to one Door through which a boy is being pulled. Then he runs the palm of his hand over his neck and starts laughing maliciously. No! If I show feelings I will be eliminated! And yet I cannot suppress the fear. Neither do the tears that run down my cheeks.
But then I get warm! The warmth comes from my back, wraps itself around my chest and spreads further and further through my body. She gives me strength. My breath becomes calmer, I no longer tremble. And the fear is gone too. There is only a little sadness left in me. And the pain I always had and always will! But they too are alleviated! I walk up to Boris and suddenly he disappears. Everything around me disappears and turns black. I feel so safe.
Something is tickling my nose. I wrinkle it to get rid of it, but it doesn't work. I grumble unwillingly. But now my nose has finally had enough and I sneeze heartily. I automatically straighten up with a jerk. In the next moment I hear a scream and look to the right in amazement. There sits or lies, Nini and looks at me reproachfully. I just look back amazed and very sleepy. Was she in my bed? This warmth, the security?No this can not be! But what else is she doing there on the floor?
"Oh, is the gentleman already awake? And can I finally breathe freely again and no longer act as a pillow?", Nini asks me sarcastically.
I can't answer that at the moment. I am still too confused. What is she doing in my bed? Stop! My bed? I look around and see with relief that this is really my bed. But what did Nini do in it? She is getting up and rubbing her back. I look into her eyes questioningly, but she immediately turns away. At the moment I only understand that she was in bed with me and that she was the source of heat (smart, Kai !! ^^). But why did she do it?
"I'm going to take a shower now!" I say and go into the bathroom. I really don't know how to deal with this situation. Why is Nini mad at me? SHE came to bed with me. Why?
But there was somehow also helplessness in this sentence.I have no idea how I got it, but she seems totally embarrassed. Oh, I should stop thinking about it! That doesn't help anyway!
I turn on the tap and the warm water pours down on me. My body relaxes and my thoughts slowly organize themselves in my head. When I have finished showering, I turn on the 'cold' faucet. Immediately the water becomes ice cold and my pores contract. Every drop hurts like a pinprick. But I don't mind the pain. I've had worse! And yet these pains show me that I am still alive! That is something else in me that can feel pain. At least physically! After a while I turn off the water, dry myself off and get dressed again.
The room is empty. Where's nini? Fear rises in me. Where is she? Did something happen to her and I couldn't hear it because of the water? I run to the balcony and exhale with relief.There she stands and looks at something. Why am I so worried? I should have guessed that she was here! But no, I'm totally overreacting.
I go to her with wet hair.
"Look! Below us is only the sea!", She says. So she noticed me. And it seems to have become calmer too. I lean over the railing and look down. Yes, beneath what appears to be a castle is only water. Just water everywhere. You can't even see a bit of land on the horizon.
"Oh man, what do you do with your hair that, even when it's wet, it stands up in such a confused way?" She asks me, laughing. I can't answer that. Because I've never thought about that. It was normal for me.
"Why?" I ask her. With that, I am aiming more at the question of why she was in my bed today.
"Well, because where I come from, you need at least 10 cans of hairspray and three tubes of hair gel for such a hairstyle ..." she replies.
But I shake my head: "No, I actually meant ... Why were you in bed with me today?"
Nini bows her head and then says very quietly: "I heard you scream during the night and then well ... you know yourself"
I feel myself blushing. Why am I blushing the fuck now? What's embarrassing about that?
"Thanks!" I say and then go back into the room. Does Nini know that she helped me with it? Does she know that I'm thanking you for it? Or is she confused now? I dont know! Hopefully she won't ask me how I meant it! I would be really embarrassed to have to explain it to her.
Nini comes in and asks: “Why?” At first I look at her a little perplexed. Hopefully she doesn't mean why I said thank you !? Please do not!
"Why did you thank me?" She says softly. So she meant it! Can't she guess? I feel the blood rush to my face.Nini grins slightly. Do you enjoy embarrassing me?
"Well ... because ... you helped me, as you must have noticed!" I say quickly. Because I feel more blood gushing into my face, I get up and go to my closet. Damn it! Why am I blushing? That has never happened to me! And that's why I never learned to suppress it! Why does this embarrass me so much? Because I show even more how weak in am? Or is there another reason? No!
Nini walks past me and suddenly whispers in my ear: "I was happy to do it!" Her breath tickles in my ear and I notice how I get goosebumps. And then she gives me another kiss on the cheek. At first I am totally perplexed and cannot react. But I don't need that, Nini has long been in the bathroom. Still, I fix my gaze on the bathroom door and stare at it. But it's only a door, it can't give me an answer.An answer? Do I even want that? Nini and I are just friends! Not more! 'NOT MORE! 'it screams in my head. And my Heart? I have no more heart! It shattered! Really? Why are all these questions bothering me?
I feel my hand wander to the place where Nini kissed me. Without me doing anything. Without my wanting it, it wanders to my cheek! No! I kindly have to keep myself under control! With my willpower I tear my hand from my cheek and the momentum makes it hit the closet painfully. Ow! I clench my teeth and suck in air through my nose. Don't start screaming!
I slowly raise my hand and look at her. Great! Rattled right past the key! From the outer side of my hand, a long welt continues into the palm of my hand. Oh, just a scratch! But suddenly this "scratch" starts to bleed. Why does this key have to be so pointed?The blood slowly flows down my arm. I just stare at it. It's like it's hypnotizing me!
"What did you do with your hand? It has to be bandaged immediately!" Suddenly Nini is standing next to me. I didn't hear her coming.
I still can't move. What is so fascinating about this red liquid? It's just blood!
My hand still burns like fire.
"Hello? Earth on Kai's brain! Please report!", Says Nini. Then she grabs my arm, which is already very bloody, and pulls me to my bed. There she pushes me back slightly so that I sit on it.
"There must be bandages around here somewhere!" I hear them mutter.
“Ahh! There!” She comes back with a small suitcase. Where did she get that from?
First she wipes off the blood with a damp cloth. I'm torn. Should i pull my hand away
"Oida (same meaning as: oh man!^^ XD), the cut is deep! What did you do with your hand she asks me. Then suddenly she has a cotton ball soaked in blue in her hand and presses it onto the cut. It hurts so much that I tear my hand away first. "ahhh!" is the only thing I can say. I would love to have my arm away, it hurts so much!