Huhu! ^ ___ ^

It's your SSjAvril! I can finally use my new nick! * g *

In the meantime I've written a few short FFs, of course I'll publish them one after the other.

It starts with my latest work, a Hellsing FF!





Alone I break[Hellsing]



Water. All over. It had been raining for days, nothing unusual for London.

But such a storm was not common even for this otherwise gloomy city, bathed in fog and darkness.

People barricade themselves in their homes in the hope of being spared, for escaping terrible and relentless waters and saving their lives. Many made it in time, some never saw their family and friends again. The storm came too suddenly, nobody had expected it, so nobody could be warned. Everyone was afraid of these forces of nature, wishing nothing more than to see the sun again, a rare sight in this city.But ... did everyone really want this?



A single person, their gaze fixed on the raging sea, did not move from the spot. From a distance, anyone would consider her a star stupid, masculine work, completely indestructible.

But on closer inspection one saw that it was a living person. A woman, dismissing all suspicions of being manly from the near. Her long, almost white hair was carried back and forth in the wind, but it didn't seem to bother the woman, she gave the impression that she was lying in a kind of vegetative state, not really aware of her surroundings. But the twitching of her eyelids and the opening and closing of these, proved that she was completely aware of her current situation. She seemed deep, very deep in thought.



The tall woman closed her eyes with relish for a moment, until she looked again into the infinite depths of the sea.



Yes, she enjoyed this weather. Wanted, no needed, cold and darkness that she tested and demanded everything from her.

She had to stay strong, couldn't give up, even when everything seemed so hopeless.

Resignation kills people, only when people defy resignation do they acquire the right to enforce their morals. Basically she lived for nothing, absolutely nothing but for her honor, her pride.

Day after day she had to assert herself. Claim in a society where men dominated.



Who would have ever thought of the then 13 year old girl that she would have so much strength to continue running the organization after the death of her father? To sacrifice your childhood and your life to work, to give up your private life.

It was like that. She had given up everything. Really everything and what was the thanks?

Nothing, but nothing at all.

But had she ever complained?

Why did she do all this? Why was she doing this to herself, why couldn't she be like everyone else?

Being with friends and family, laughing and crying with them, expressing feelings.

She couldn't.

Because with which friends should you laugh when you were all alone and with which parent should you be able to cry ... as a full wise man?



Often, damn often, she felt like crying, then she had to pull herself together, eating all the pain, the hate into herself. Had to remember her rank, present dignity and pride. But who could do this all the time?

She was all so tired.

Felt so empty, lonely and sad.

If she weren't so damn proud ... then I guess she'd be jumping now.

Fall into the cold waters, let yourself be seduced by the ice-cold water and close your eyes forever.

Eyes whose blue is so beautiful and could cast a spell on anyone.

But the freezing cold in them is frightening and indescribable at the same time.

Repulsive and yet so attractive at the same time.

Attractive?

Attractive to when?



A sad smile stands out on her soft, immaculate lips.

For him?

Yes, perhaps.

Did she even want that?

Be attractive to him?

For a being whose existence would have to fight it and instead kept it like a ... a pet ?!

He was always there when she needed him.

He knew when she was feeling bad and wanted to help her.

He who wasn't angry when she threw him out of the room either.

He who swore to her many years ago to protect her and would never break that oath ...

What did He mean to her? Was he just ... her protector?

Or maybe, your friend, your ally ...

He was an impure being, a monster, vampire, unscrupulous ... callous ...
No ...

... callous not.



She didn't know why she believed that an undead could develop feelings, but she knew and that pained her a lot that he had more feelings than she would ever have.

You as a human was really the monster, not him.

What a shame ... Feelings are weakness, but you can't do without them.



What had become of the little girl from back then?

Was she really such a wreck? So ... inhuman.

Mute tears searched the way down to her, already completely wet cheeks, fell further, further and further down into the rushing current ... lost in the darkness, never seen, silent cries for help, never heard.



Where was He now? Surely he scattered around somewhere, destroyed weak vermin for him and delighted in their screams of pain.

And that was exactly what she understood at all and what confused her so much.

How could he be so cruel and cold one moment, so kind ... so warm the next?



Warm .. so incredibly warm. Goosebumps ran through her body, made the cold disappear for a brief moment and made room for an indescribable warmth.

This feeling always came over her when he was so close to her ... as close as when she woke up from a nightmare bathed in sweat, straight into his arms.

It had been so indescribable to lie in his strong arms, to be rocked back and forth like a small child and just enjoy the feeling of not being alone.

His hot breath on her cheek, he was so close to her ... closer than anyone before ... and for the first time in her life she felt something like desire, the strong need to be very close to someone else, never him again to let go ...



But her pride prevented it ... threw him out in shock, was initially angry with him ... with himself, with the whole situation.



She kept trying to convince herself that she didn't enjoy lying in his arms, inhaling his scent and just being the way she always wanted to be ...

A little girl.

Because she was still ... deep inside ...



But nobody was allowed to know this, nobody should ever find out what she really was like, her wishes, needs, dreams.

He had seen her weak. And she was uncomfortable.

She had expected that he would laugh at her, make a sarcastic remark, or otherwise offend her in a way that was usually his way, but nothing happened.

But then another question arose ... a question that has not let go of her since this incident, that gave her a headache every day ...



What was he doing in her room, on her bed?



Any other woman would have known, noticed, maybe even enjoyed it.

But she was far too naive when it came to this subject, it was not for nothing that she was also called "The Iron Maiden".

At 23 years old, immaculate, pure and far too ignorant.

With his gaze he pulled her off, more than that, took her downright, touched her, kissed her ... but she didn't notice.

Just didn't understand what had become of her ... a beautiful young and desirable woman, even if her behavior, her walk, even the way she talked was definitely masculine.



Once coveted as a vampire ... as head of the Hellsings ... what kind of twisted world was that?



Her eyes closed again. This time not because she enjoyed it, but because it had to be.

She had no more strength.

Not to stop here, to continue the organization or to eke out a life in solitude.

Everything around her turned black, cold enveloped her body, crawled into every inch of her shivering body, took her completely and completely.



And she fell ...



Forgive me ... Walter, Victoria ... Alucard, but I can't go on, I'm at the end of my tether. I gave everything ... what did I do wrong? I didn't want to give up ...



I will never give up. Not even in the face of death would I give up, that's my honor, the pride of the Hellsing family ....

Don't you remember these words, master?



But ... yes I do ... I do ... Alucard?



Nobody can be alone all the time, Integra. Even I, the unwavering and powerful No Life King, couldn't always be alone, don't you get that? Loneliness can be more cruel than anything, it can kill you, it can break your pride and honor. You mustn't give up.



I can't ... I don't want to be alone anymore.



Stupid little girl.


What?



She fell further and further into the darkness, but something, no, someone had saved her. Warmed her, made her feel secure.



You are and have never been alone, Walter, Victoria and I are always with you, no matter what, please never forget that. I am your friend ... whether you want it or not.



He grinned. She didn't see it. Felt it and slowly the gates opened to her soul, looked at the vampire.

She wanted to say how grateful she was.

Thankful that he saved her, that he gave her new courage, just thank him that he was here with her.

But no word got her out, her mouth as if chiseled ... instead she leaned up to him, carefully