HI GUYS!!!! I AM SO SORRY!!!!! I TAKEN SOOOO LONG! SORRY !!!! and the part isn't even long! well I hope someone still remembers nobody there and reads it too! I will try to continue writing soon! * promise *

@ crucifix: I'm happy that it was realistic! it was also intentional that you can really lose yourself in this horror performance !!!! but the part is not as good as the last, is written in a different style, I hope you like it anyway!
@fortune: * wink * I'm back! I'm sorry that it took you so bad! but thanks for the compliment, I tried! I wish you a lot of fun reading on * knuddl *
@Kira_w: hi my loyal reader! hope you will be there again! so hope you write again too!

but now it goes on!

I don't know how much time has passed since I was brought into this room. I don't even want to know. I don't want to know anything anymore. Just want to sit there and not have to do anything, not even think.I try to cut myself off completely from the outside world, just let myself go, but a pulsating pain that spreads from the back of my head into my whole body is quite annoying. I try to switch off the pain and when I don't succeed, at least dampen something that is already working a little better. I try to free my head from all thoughts, to detach my mind, like in meditation. In any case, I think that's how you do it in meditation, I've never meditated, but I guess it works like this, or at least something like that. My mind still revolves around how to meditate properly now as the door slowly opens.

Jamie pushes his way through the gap and hastily closes the door behind him again. I only perceive that in passing, I continue to concentrate on sitting quietly and dissolving my thoughts, but a part of me is very deeply concerned with the presence of Jamie and the possible reasons for it.Jamie stands by the door for a few seconds and seems to be listening intently for something, but doesn't let me out of sight for a second. He has probably not forgotten how much he underestimated me before and what consequences that had, or does this attentive look mean something else?
Almost horrified, I shake off this thought. He's my enemy, just like Tyler and Rolf, I can't forget that for a second. Still, I'm not sure what to think of this look. There is a sadness in it that I cannot classify. He is a little out of breath and his dark hair is hanging on his face. His gaze rushed around the room, as if to make sure that no one is in the room but the two of us, and then he moves away from his place by the door and comes closer.

He stops in front of me, seems a little undecided about what to do now and finally kneels in front of me. He tries to get eye contact with me, but I steadfastly fix a point on the wall that is approx.two inches from his head. Finally he gives up and looks alternately at his hands and then again at my face and every time his gaze catches on my bandage, a mixture of sadness, guilt and anger shines in his gaze again. I perceive all of this as if through a veil, but I am sure that I have not been mistaken. He feels guilty for what they did to me, or is it all just another clever attempt to confuse me?
I don't know what to believe anymore. Am I just too overly cautious and don't even recognize a person who wants to help when I'm sitting across from them, or am I completely right with my suspicion and just don't want to recognize that everything is just a lie about me, for whatever reason? to confuse, or just to make sure that my will is really broken. But the feelings that resonate in his gaze seem so real and honest.I'm pretty confused and I'd rather try to focus on thinking nothing for good. Jamie looks me in the face again and I feel like his gaze is going deep inside me. I want to hide in order to no longer be at the mercy of this piercing, disturbing and frightening look, but I can't move, part of me doesn't even want to hide, but finally look deep into his eyes and sink into them , maybe even get to his core and finally understand what it's all about, why I have to suffer so, and maybe even understand through him why I have become the way I am now, but I simply evade a decision about what to do now by just keeping staring at the wall and trying to block everything out.

I am afraid of the consequences and prefer to stay in this uncertainty, even if it has struck me as the worst one can experience, but now I understand that ignorance can sometimes be a blessing.You can at least still hope if you don't know anything for sure, but I wouldn't even have hope if I just risked opening up and then only experiences disappointments. But I can't always just hang in the balance and choose neither trust nor total mistrust! I'll never find a way out of this hell like this. At some point I have to decide how I want to react to the outside world and, above all, how I should behave towards Jamie.
Yes, someday, but someday is not now. I have time, no, I still need time to really make the right decision. I don't want to be hurt anymore and especially not now. I do not have any strength any more.
But what do I have big to lose? Why not take a risk? I want to get out of here! By all means, right? Isn't it perhaps even the case that by inactivity I have already submitted to my fate?Isn't that exactly what you want from me? I'm already arguing with myself, how am I ever going to find the strength to flee? Because I have to flee if I don't want to perish. I had already thought that I had no more strength, that I would now let everything happen to me, but I suppressed this thought again, maybe for the last time, but it doesn't matter. The important thing is that I haven't finally given up and that's all that matters.

But what does Jamie want from me? He is still sitting across from me and is probably waiting for a sign from me that I have registered that he is there, but I am still waiting to see if he might not do it by himself without really knowing whether or not I'm with me not doing anything. And really, as if he had read my mind, he starts to speak at that moment: “Leonie?” He waits for a few seconds for any reaction from me, but I keep staring at the wall. "Leonie, can you hear me?Please say something, or at least blink if you can hear me. "Again there is silence in the room that is almost palpable in the air.
"I don't know if you can hear me, but I hope so. Please, you have to believe me, I didn't mean any of this, but I couldn't stop Tyler. I'm sorry for what he did to you and I know my words must sound like mockery to you, but I can help you get out of here. I know you won't believe a word I say, but if you just want to talk to me and let the therapy go through you, I'm sure I can turn it around for them to fire you, but only if I can convince them that you won't say anything about what happened to you here.
Please, I want to help you get out of here, but I can only do this if you help me. You're probably wondering why I can't just get you out of here, but Tyler has also implanted a transmitter for you that will sound the alarm if you sneak away from this system without permission.So I can't get you out of here unnoticed, so you have to trust me for better or worse if you want a real chance of getting out of here. "

Jamie looks at me carefully, waiting for a reaction, but I'm still too confused about what I just heard to say anything. Can it really be that he wants to help me? Have I really found an ally, or is it all just theater? Why does he want to help me all of a sudden?
"You are probably wondering now why I want to help you. I don't know exactly why myself, but Tyler has clearly gone too far and I can't watch how he wrecks you mentally, just about the chemical processes in your brain He wants to find out what goes on in your brain when you fight one of his new psychosomatic drugs and why you can cope so well with this enormous mental and physical pressure that is put on you will.But if I manage to convince him that you are healed, even he can no longer answer for keeping you here. That would be your salvation. Please, you have to believe me.
I don't have much time left. I will come back tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I hope you can trust me. "He gets up and rushes to the door. Before he opens it, he stands still for a few seconds and seems to be listening intently, but apparently he doesn't hear anything unusual, because he's already opening the door and carefully sliding into the corridor.

The door closes almost noiselessly behind him and I'm alone again. Exhausted, I sink backwards until I am curled up on the blanket, my head cradled in the crook of my arm. Thinking nothing is really exhausting, especially if you listen hard and really want to understand what you hear. In the end, I just concentrated on not looking, not looking into his eyes and continuing to pretend I was completely indifferent.But why actually? Am I really so scared of losing myself in his gaze and maybe even finding something in it that I never hoped to find? Do I have to be afraid of that at all? But what do I hope to find in it? Pity, compassion, understanding or something ...

No, I can't even think about it. Feelings are weaknesses that I cannot afford. I am not allowed to be guided by them, I know that very well, but at the same time it sometimes seems to me that I only consist of feelings, that although I almost break because of them, I couldn't live without them. I have an incredible desire for affection, security and love in me that I soak up every kind of attention like a dry sponge. Maybe I just believe that he wants to protect and free me, but in reality I only imagine everything because I absolutely want to be perceived as a person worth protecting and loving, that I am aware of all the signs that may exist or subconscious deception on his part, i.e. lying to myself just so that I can project my feelings onto someone.Because I want to pass on my feelings. I am not only capable of hatred and