indifference, I want to give someone a feeling of security, although sometimes I am no longer so sure whether I am really capable of conveying the feelings that one should show me to others. I don't know exactly what love feels like and what it is like when you feel safe, but it has to be beautiful, because there has to be a counterbalance for the feelings that I am constantly at the mercy of. If there are people like me who constantly have to live with their self-loathing, hopelessness and loneliness, then there must be people who are happy and there must be a way to catch at least a breath of that happiness.

Maybe I'm really just trying to convince myself that Jamie feels real guilt about me, but it could be true and it would be terrible if I didn't go into it and maybe never find out what's hidden in those eyes.I just have to risk it, I have to, because what other choice do I have? Doing nothing is equivalent to giving up and I am not allowed to give up. So I've made up my mind. I will trust Jamie even at the risk of being bitterly disappointed.

so i hope i can put something in again next week !! until then and start criticizing vigorously !!!! and sorry again!

cu amiel

PS .: love you all !! * wink *