It would be unreasonable to expect a person to remember something that they don't know has happened.

I didn't expect it from him and I never asked him so as not to sink even more into horror.

Nevertheless, on that day the ghost of my imagination floated back and forth in front of my eyes, gray and tough as wet cement, and couldn't be driven away, no matter how much I crawled into the farthest corner of my consciousness.

His mouth on hers. His hips moving up and down between her spread legs.
His hand on her chest and thighs.
I thought of her hot breath mingling with his and almost vomited.

When he found out what the wrong, so disgustingly wrong feelings had done in him, he vomited. Understandably.

Who wants to have to experience that they have loved something that they hate for it?

Nobody. And certainly not Ranma.* ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° *

STAR SEARCH I.

a Ranma ½ fanfiction

* ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° *

My first heaven was made of cardboard.

It was the rectangular inner lid of a large, empty cardboard box on which my mother had painted a night sky for me in blue and yellow so that I could see the stars when it was bad weather or foggy outside.

In front of it was a deep red curtain that you could crawl through.

I loved this box.

When it was gray and misty outside, or when the rumbling storm outside my window scared me, I crept into the box. The soft, soothing rustling of the fabric and the gray, fluffy bunnies that lived in the box became my friends and I stayed with them until the storm subsided.

For me it became the epitome of security and protection from all dangers.

My mother and I always played with this box under our own sky.
As long as we were there, we lived behind a thick wall that separated our own world from the real world, and I was never ready to give it up.When my mother died, I suddenly stood there alone with my half of the wall and was shocked to find that half a wall is not a wall at all and that I was in reality.

I gave up the box.

* ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° *

Sooner or later everyone grows out of their box, out of the security and self-conceived truth, out of the carefree that only children are capable of.

The world is getting bigger.

At first my world consisted only of our house with the cardboard box, our garden and the street with its residents, like Ms. Watanabe, who was small and almost transparent and every morning watered the street in front of her house with a wooden ladle.

Then the zebra crossing was added first, then 85 meters further around the corner that led to the flower shop, then across the center to the playground on the little mountain.

To the east of this little mountain there was a park next to the playground with the old wooden swing that all the children fought over.At least I call it a park, actually it was just a hidden gap between the trees, where there was a lonely, decrepit wooden bench, and where in the night the silver moon rose over the tops of the infinitely high, black spruce trees.

That became my new heaven.

Every evening I sat alone on the bench and watched the river, which meandered through the trees as a silver stream and on whose black surface the light of the moon and the stars was reflected. A hazy second sky with a broken moon and fallen stars.
The river my dreams swam in

* ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° *

At some point Ranma came into my life, in my heaven.

Sudden, wild and unpredictable.

And somehow he gave me the chance to be carefree again, in a strange, subliminal way.
Actually there were only more problems with him, other fiancés, fathers mad about marriage, roommates stealing underwear, jealous suitors, enemies for life and death, but I knew that Ranma would be there for me in my future and that something was waiting for me to achieve could.As a child, I always panicked when my later life as an adult came up, the 'future'. She who would separate me from my sisters, my childhood, my previous life, as she always does with families.

Over time, the fear subsided. Ranma would be a new family. Which is not to say that I admitted it to myself, no, but the knowledge was there and it calmed me down.

You could say ... I was happy, or at least had the opportunity to be.

That was of course then. Before the horror.

After that ... after that nobody seemed to have the right to be happy anymore.

We all had to learn again. And we had to learn to want to learn.

First the horror reached Mousse. Mousse that found her and mousse that despaired of the fact that Shampoo would rather want a love she had made up than his sincere one.

Then Ranma and I came along. Ranma, who couldn't understand why his love for me hadn't stopped him and fell into a deep, dark hole, I, who failed to pull him out.For a long, very long time.

Basically it was just a couple of days. But a few days can break people, pierce their souls, crush their emotions, make them disconnect from themselves and everyone else ... can make them die, in a multilayered way that is far worse than physical death.

I suffered, yes. Because he suffered.

My own pain tormented me. His broke my heart.

* ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° * ° *

It started on a sunny Tuesday in April, but much more ended that day.

"Finally attack me properly!" I yelled, glaring at him angrily. The sunlight behind Ranma blinded me and I had to shield my eyes with my hand.
It annoyed me that he was just evading again instead of training me properly as he had promised me.

It was the spring break, sunny, bright spring break and it should have been Ranmas and my spring.After shampoo had surprisingly returned to China, mousse and a generous helping of disappointment in tow, the situation between Ranma and me had improved. Neither of us knew why she had left, but that one less fiancée seemed to loosen a knot between us.
We both knew this without ever saying it and most of all we enjoyed being close to each other. It wasn't that I hated shampoo, at least not then, but she was the only real competitor I had and she was the only one who pursued Ranma with an almost irrational desire for possession. Ukyo loved him honestly and strongly, yes, but she was fair. And she knew that love is only valid when both of you reciprocate.

No one knew whether Shampoo loved Ranma or whether she forced herself to love him because of her amazon laws. Maybe she was just in love with him, but in any case she would do everything to get him.Of course, that wasn't the only thing that kept Ranma and I from getting closer, we were still in our own way, but I think we were giving ourselves one last chance.
Now or never.

Ranma made up her mind to ask me if we didn't want to train together during the holidays so that I would get stronger (and above all we could spend more time together, which he didn't say out loud) and I made myself do that, just that to do what I wanted in that moment, this time without my pride causing me to freak out and knock him off for the fact that he practically assumed I was too weak.
I said yes, gave him a small smile and he smiled back just as freely. Freed from false pride.

We chose the park as our training ground for the simple reason that the warmth, which was unusual for this time of year, was best endured by being near water.The dojo was more like a sauna, the air conditioning was broken and of course my father wasn't ready to have it repaired. "Are you fighting right now or not ?! Are you afraid that I might hurt you, a weak little girl like me?" I yelled at him. He was standing a few meters away on the bank of the river that flowed through the meadow, shimmering green-blue and chuckling at home.

"But I don't fight girls!"

"You're just scared! I've never lost to you!"

"Because I've never really fought you! I could beat you anytime!"

"Then do it at last!"

Ranma seemed to hesitate.

"Loser! I'm winning anyway!"

His eyebrows drew together and I had to grin inside. It worked.

"If I fight right now, defeat you, will you admit once and for all that I - a boy - am stronger than you?", Ranma said very slowly. He looked at me, a glint in his eyes that I couldn't read.I nodded slightly confused and took up my fighting position again.

"And I can do anything? A fight for 'everything' or nothing?"

"Uh ... yes ..."

"Well." Satisfied, he also nodded and shifted his weight onto the front leg. My senses focused on him, everything outside of the fight became insignificant. I wanted to hit him, I HAD to hit him. My eyes fixed his tense, taut body in front of me and I waited for his first attack.

Then he rushed off, one arm raised and instinctively, assuming he wanted to meet me upstairs, I crossed mine protectively in front of my face. However, he landed next to me, rolled over and before my consciousness even noticed it, his leg had popped out of nowhere, knocked my feet away and I fell forward with a "jeep". He jumped up, pressed me onto the grass with his knee on my back and before I could react he had loosened the belt of my gi and was now holding it stretched out like a trophy.He got up and jumped back just in time before I rolled onto my back and caught him.
So that's what he meant by "everything is allowed" ... I forced myself to stand up and wiped dirt from my combat suit. What a ... pervert.

He danced around me. “Get him!” I knew that he only wanted to provoke and incite me, but I couldn't let that sit on me.

I grabbed my belt, but each time it was a bit too far away and jumped backwards. I became angry. "FINALLY FIGHT!"

“As you like!” While I was still speaking, he pushed himself off, landed with his feet on a tree and used the renewed momentum to fly towards me again and I ran towards him.
Too late to stop or slow down, I saw him suddenly stop, only two meters away from me and curl up as