At school we had to give a group presentation. Yami and I were put into the same group. So we met after school, either with him or with me. It had been a fun time despite the exertion. We made something to eat together. Then we discussed our topic, but often other things that came to mind.

Sometimes Yami would tell something about himself and his family. I also learned the real reason for the incident that rainy day.

...

Yami's father now lived at home with the other woman and children. His mother had gone abroad.

His greatest wish was to finally become self-employed and earn his own money so that he no longer had to rely on other people. He did work in his spare time, but the money was nowhere near enough to pay the rent, utilities, food, clothing, etc.

I also told him a few things about myself, but only as much as I just thought fit.A couple of times we made appointments to visit museums, go ice skating and the like. He was actually a very sociable person with a keen sense of humor, a cool head and an excellent mind. I sometimes admired him how quickly he got to the heart of the matter without lingering on the surface.
Apparently he knew exactly what he wanted.

I could get really jealous.

Yami was different from everyone else. With him I didn't have to pretend to be fair to the situation. If I did, he usually saw right through me, but said nothing. In his eyes I could read disappointment or anger and sadness.

And I immediately regretted what I said.

The holidays were just around the corner. Because, as always, my parents didn't have time for me and Yami didn't feel like spending time with his "new family", we planned a nice trip to the sea. It was only February and the weather was still cold, but I insisted on seeing the wide open sea.Precisely because the time of year was still unsuitable for most of the outdoor guests, we would be able to enjoy beautiful deserted beaches and a cheaper price.

We often discussed what we would still need and take with us, enjoyed ourselves and could hardly wait for the trip.

On the second day of the vacation, Yami and I stood on the platform early in the morning. Each of us had a large travel bag and backpack. On the train we looked for two opposite window seats and were happy that the weather was kind to us.

I had some novel with me and started reading. Yami listened to his music until he took two boxes out of his backpack and gave me one. I opened it and saw a pile of cards in it. The back of the cards said:

"Yu-Gi-Oh!"

Of course I had no idea what that was supposed to be. So I took the instructions out of the box and started reading.

But Yami said that this game could be best understood if you played it.He briefly explained the types of cards to me and the basic principle with life points, etc.
At most I only understood half of what he was saying. I meant purely from the point of view of logic. In terms of content, I didn't get anything at all at first.

We played a few rounds and of course Yami always won. He's been playing this game for years, he said. But I wanted to beat him because I couldn't take defeat, not even in a game. Once I had reduced his life points by more than half, but then he discovered the weak point in my strategy (what kind of strategy?) And was able to destroy me again. I was so discouraged that I wanted to give up.

"Don't give up right away! You are getting better and better. I have to watch out for you!", Yami said to me.

But still I didn't feel like it anymore. So we decided to continue our duels later.

We talked a bit about our destination and the room we had booked in a youth hostel.It was a double room, because a single room would be almost twice as expensive. Actually, I found it difficult to imagine spending the night with Yami in a room and felt a little insecure. But on the other hand, I didn't feel like spending the night alone in a strange place in a huge (compared to my) room, letting the nightmares torment me and not knowing anyone was with me. Let alone that it would cost a lot more as well.

But I warned Yami beforehand that in my dreams I could scream at times and that maybe he should take earplugs with him. He replied that it was exactly the same with him and that I should also be careful. I couldn't help but laugh at his exaggeratedly serious expression.

When we arrived it was around noon and we checked into the hostel. Then we went to our room, which was quite spacious and bright.There were two beds in the middle, but we pulled them apart, up to the walls. A bit of decency had to be ...

After we had put our things away, we went into the dining room and got a menu of the day. Since we were both hungry, we found the food to be quite good, which normally wouldn't have been the case.

We then went straight towards the sea and could already feel the fresh sea air. I felt really happy and saw that Yami was smiling too. Somehow I had the feeling that I wanted to hug him, but let it be and walked a little unnaturally next to him. Yami looked at me a little puzzled and also looked a little embarrassed.

The sea is unique. So blue, so wide, so infinitely gentle and yet so mysterious. The shimmer on the surface of the water was constantly changing back and forth, the beach was seemingly endlessly long and clean, I saw the seagulls and heard their noises. I saw them fly and felt the freedom.I lay down on my beach towel in the partial shade and closed my eyes. A short time later I actually fell asleep.

When I woke up, Yami was lying next to me. He still seemed to be asleep, or at least his eyes were closed. I watched him and found that he looked good. His features were delicate, almost like a girl's. His nose was rather small, as was his mouth and chin. There was something delicate, fragile about him when you looked at him so closely. This time I felt not only a desire to hug him, but also a desire to kiss him.

The thought knocked me out and triggered a series of alarm signals in my brain. I got up to go for a walk. Then I heard Yami calling me.

He had now opened his eyes and was looking at me. I told him that I would just walk a little along the beach and that he could still rest.

But he got up and wanted to come with me.

So we walked side by side without saying anything.A gentle breeze ran through our hair. Yami seemed lost in thought too. I couldn't look at it without thinking of something else.

I wanted to see him. I almost got tears in my eyes from desperation.

But he seemed inexplicably aloof to me. I looked sadly at the sea. It couldn't help me either. Yami noticed my sadness and wanted to know the reason for it. But I just shook my head.

He wouldn't understand.

I couldn't understand it myself either. I was afraid that I already felt more than friendship for Yami.

Yami just wanted friendship. If I continued to misbehave, I would even lose him as a friend.

What should I do? I couldn't stand right next to him, look him in the eye and still think nothing!

I couldn't help myself anymore!

Suddenly I began to regret that I had just started this trip so recklessly without knowing how to behave towards Yami in such cases.Now I couldn't go back or forward and had the feeling that I had to suffocate:

"Poor Yami! I shouldn't have done it to you. Now you have a madwoman at your side and you don't even know anything about it. How can you still enjoy this trip if I can no longer react like a normal person?"

After dinner we played cards and I lost faster and faster because I could hardly concentrate with all the thoughts. Yami seemed to notice that something was wrong with me and asked me if I was missing anything.

Again I just shook my head.

How am I supposed to endure it? How was Yami supposed to stand me?

"I'm sorry, Yami." I said in my head.