A blue sky, that was exactly what I wanted. Slowly but surely tired by stress and lack of sleep, I looked out the window at the distant, infinite sky. It was Sunday, on the last two days I had partied, danced and sung like crazy. It was someone of my relatives' birthday and everyone took the opportunity to turn it into a long, boisterous celebration. I had drunk a whole bottle of champagne, although I couldn't take it well, and had trouble keeping myself on my feet the whole time.

That was exactly what I wanted. (Was that really what I wanted?) My ability to think and concentrate dissolved into nothing, the disturbing thoughts were now pale and empty, I only heard the music and felt myself swaying back and forth with the beat . There was no worry, no pain, no grief, just now, this moment in which infinite eternity rested.In that I found my peace. An imperceptible, obstinate, almost bitter smile played on my lips. I spent the whole night like this until, early in the morning, when the birds began to chirp in the weak light, I passed out on the sofa from tiredness.

We spent the rest of the day cleaning up. Everyone present was completely exhausted. They said goodbye and went home. At home I slept until the midday sun shone through my window. But still I felt bad. My head hurt and my eyelids were heavy. I felt pain all over my body. It took me almost half an hour to get out of bed.

But I couldn't eat anything because I had absolutely no appetite. To keep myself busy, I went for a walk in the park. It was the last sunny days of autumn. I loved the golden leaves and all those warm colors that only unfolded in full beauty once a year.I loved the ephemeral, the fragile, the silent mourning for the irretrievable.

I sat down on a bench by a small pond in the park. I watched the shimmering water with fallen autumn leaves. The water was certainly not deep, but still I couldn't see the bottom. Unfathomable and mysterious. Like life. Like Yami's eyes.

"What? Like YAMI'S EYES?"

I startled at the thought. How did I get that?

What nonsense I had in my head again. But somehow I was afraid that maybe it wasn't nonsense after all. It ran down my spine as cold as ice.

Suddenly I was afraid of looking Yami in the eye.

For the next few days, I avoided Yami as if I'd done something bad. I purposely avoided running into him on the way to school or during the break. I avoided his gaze in class. We hardly had a chance to talk to each other.When I wasn't with the others, I usually went out onto a terrace of the school building. From there I had half the city in view. I wrote little stories and poems, listened to music or read. So I could spend the time lost in my thoughts and forget the world around me for a while.

I didn't know what Yami thought about my sudden change. I didn't really care either, so I told myself. I couldn't be considerate of the whole world and harm myself in the process.

But was that really all?