Hi. Here is something new from me. But now I don't want to say anything more about it. Just read for yourself.

Died in a dream, died in reality

I'm lying on a meadow. Hear the sound of the sea nearby. A small campfire is burning not far from me. It is night and only the full moon shines in the black firmament, but not in its usual color, but red, blood-red.

I like this color. I sink completely into it and let my thoughts wander. The same thing always goes through my head.

Why did we have to fight like that?
Are we still a team?

Don't know what to do anymore
don't know what to think anymore

I don't know anymore what I can believe
I don't know who I can trust anymore.

I've long been lost
my soul has long since died.

I don't care
don't feel like doing anything anymore.

I want to sleep best
and never wake up again.

How could it all happen
how could it get so far?We lived apart,
trust is lost.

Had many secrets from each other
but want to know everything about the other.

Why can't it be like last summer?
Why did this time have to pass so quickly?

Is this the punishment for being really happy once?
Are we not allowed to be happy?

Will it be the same one day as it was then?
I don't quite believe in it.

Why can't the mental pain just go away?
Why can't I finally feel the warmth inside again?

When will the redeeming day finally come, when everything is over?
From then on I can be happy again !?

Why do I sometimes feel so empty in me?
What does it mean?

Every time she comes I'm scared.
Then I hardly have the strength to do anything.

Then I wish the pain back
because I can't stand this cold that then surrounds my heart.

I feel like I'm losing my feelings.That my heart locks her up and doesn't let her surface.

I don't care
would rather die.

What is happening with me?
Why do I suddenly feel this way?

Why can't I just die
then it would all be over.

I close my eyes and a little later I find myself in another dimension. There I stand in front of a small hill on which someone is standing. A boy, about 19 years old. He has long red hair and ice blue eyes. Dark blue wings protrude from its back. An angel!

He looks into my eyes and from there into my soul. He sees what I feel, what it really looks like inside me.

I want to see him on the hill, but he gives me to understand to stay where I am and he asks me: "Do you know why you are here?"

I'm confused. What the fuck?
"No. I don't know! Just as little as I know where I am here and who you are!"

"I am Talivo. Your Guardian Angel. This is my world and I brought you here.You are irritated. I understand that. But don't give up just yet. Try to start a new life, you will make it. "

I smile gently, but shake my head and say: "No, I don't. I am too weak, my soul has long since died. What is the point of living then?"

Talivo looks at me with sad eyes. "I can't answer your questions either. I'm sorry. However, try to stay strong and persevere. Please think about it." With these words he gets up and flies away, but he stays in sight.

I am now going up the hill and standing in front of the abyss that is there. Look down into the abyss. Think about what I should do now, how it should go on.

Should I give up
just throw my life away?

I just need to take one step
then everything is over, the suffering is over.

Or do I turn around?
Go back to my world and live on.

I look up at my angel, he just looks at me waiting.He probably thinks that I choose life and therefore doesn't bother to stay away from the abyss.

But haven't I already made up my mind?
My soul has already given up, just like my heart.

Then why am I so insecure?
Why can't I just jump?

What is still holding me here in this dark world?
I do not know!

Do I jump or don't I jump?
Am I going back or not?

I take a stone and throw it down the abyss. It's very deep. No one survives a fall.

My questions still remain unanswered
don't know any more.

I've long since given up hope
and yet again not.

My heart starts to hurt again
my soul is stained with blood.

I don't see any meaning in my life anymore.
I can not anymore.

I'm confused,
my thoughts mixed up, and yet everything is clear now.

I have decided,
for death and against life.Look up at Talivo again, have a determined look. "Thank you for letting me get to know you. However, I have to say goodbye now. I am sorry that I cannot follow your wish and I hope you are not angry with me. Goodbye!", After these words, see I into the abyss one more time, then I close my eyes and let myself fall forward.

I feel like I'm floating. Hear the angel's voice again: "No !!! Don't give up. Believe in yourself, then you can go back to your world and live."

Yes that could be right. But I don't want that.
I'm sure.

Suddenly I feel an impact, a brief pain twitches through my body, then I feel nothing more. And I know it's over

I have the feeling of floating on, an emptiness has spread inside me. I open my eyes and think I'm dreaming, or was it just a dream before? Have I never been with my Guardian Angel? Did I never jump off this cliff?I look around, see the blood-red full moon in the firmament again, hear the sound of the sea again and see the campfire burning not far from me. However, there is someone there who is not far from the campfire.

I get closer to the person and get scared easily. Because that person is me. What's going on here?

Suddenly someone appears next to me. It's talivo. What does he want?

"You were only with me in a dream, but the decision you made there also had an impact on reality."

"Does that mean I'm dead?"

"Yes, that is what it means. Come with me. You have to go now."

"Where?"

"To where you will hopefully be happy."

I don't ask any further questions, I just close my eyes and my last thought that I have before I leave this world forever is: Died in a dream, died in reality.

~ + ~ + ~ + ~ OWARI ~ + ~ + ~ + ~

So that was it.

Ya mata no,
your Cybertila