Complete My Life

He met her on a cold December day. It was just before New Year's Eve and he had a few days off. The sky was neither light nor really dark, but took on different shades of gray. The light came deliberately and vaguely, or simply disinterested. The only thing he noticed was the chill that penetrated his clothes and wafted against his face. But then he saw her waving to him with a smile. She was sitting at a bus stop about ten meters away. He didn't know her, but he went to her anyway, a little puzzled about her behavior.

The girl had long, dark hair, which added to the paleness of her face. "She should go to the solarium", was his first thought. Her black eyes looked straight into his face. He thought there was something sinister about her. It was those sparks in her eyes, that piercing glow, as if she could see into his mind. "She's not my type ..." he mused.But then he was already standing in front of her and looking at her questioningly.

"Are you lonely?" She asked smiling. She looked me in the eye as if she could already guess my surprise. That in turn made me feel like ...
Really strange. It was like a feeling of trust. For that reason alone, I nodded and waited for her reaction. She spoke softly but firmly: “Then let's spend the last days of this sad year together.” She did not look at me, although I would really like to have caught the look in her eyes.

Why not, I thought. My girlfriend broke up with me for some reason. Actually, we hadn't really loved each other either, but we both wanted someone to be with us. We spent three whole years together for such rather selfish motives. But when I thought back now, I doubted if that had really happened. The memories of our time together hadn't stuck in my mind, which I hadn't really tried to do either.Just in order not to miss this opportunity on a new adventure, I said yes to this complete stranger girl. But suddenly my heart was not beating as steadily and calmly as it used to be. Then I made it clear to myself again that I cannot fall in love with her and that I have nothing to be afraid of. I kept saying that to myself when she took my hand and we strolled through the almost deserted streets to have something warm in a small café.

That evening she invited him to her home. She lived alone in a fairly spacious apartment. On the walls he saw various pictures that meant little to him. To him they were just landscapes or animals, sometimes not even that. But they obviously determined this little world. As a visitor, he couldn't understand anything about her.

She cooked something for him and he helped her. More precisely, he tried to help her, but in reality did little to help. They ate together and meanwhile he asked her name."Just call me 'you'," she said.

OK, he said. But his name would be Thomas, if she wanted to call him that.

That night they spent together as expected, forgetting their grief for at least a little while.

It was December 31st that year. During the day they had occupied themselves with their own things and only in the evening did they meet. It had been three days since they first met. They had talked about separating in the New Year so as not to interfere in each other's life. So this night would be her last.

Thomas was waiting for her in a café. But she seemed too late. Reluctantly, he began to think about the last few days.

He didn't find anything bad about her. She could be affectionate and be a good conversationalist. You couldn't blame her for being ugly or for lacking humor and sense. In fact, he didn't really insist on breaking up after such a short time.But it was her decision and he had no reason to contradict her, except ... So he decided to accept her suggestion. If you were really looking for her flaws, then maybe you could name just this weird, stubborn way of thinking and acting of her. He couldn't understand her and he didn't want to. Why that, if tomorrow you had to go your separate ways. He didn't even know her name. "A. Sommer" was on her doorbell at her apartment. But was that her real name? Then what did this "A." stand for?

While he was pondering such thoughts, she came through the front door. Ten minutes later than agreed. But she said nothing and just sat down next to him, smiling.

He noticed that she had put on some makeup today. A dark violet rimmed her opaque eyes wafer-thin. Her thick, black eyelashes cast a seductive shadow on her pale face. The lips shone a little pale pink.Before he could look at her further, she began to speak: "I'm sorry I'm a little late. But I brought you something for that."

She handed him a small package wrapped in red wrapping paper. He took it and opened it. Inside was a book with a very nice cover. It read: "The Little Mermaid".

"A fairy tale?" He asked in surprise. The last time he read this story by Hans Christian Andersen was in his childhood.
She nodded and said: "But it's my favorite fairy tale. And now I'm giving it to you because there is something symbolic about it that makes me sad, but also moves me."

Almost casually he thanked him and actually longed for the upcoming evening together, even if it was to be the last. She had a dark blue coat and a black, tight top. He saw her fine, hidden silhouette and felt his blood in her veins race faster through his heart. Then she said something that first gave him a shot in the brain, but finally gave him a distant hope: "I can't stay long today, because something came up ... Actually, I just wanted to let you know.But I'll give you my phone number, maybe we can do that another time. "With these words, she left him a note and said goodbye to him.

He stared at the New Years Eve lights from the window and began to regret something in his life.

Empty heart. My existence has no meaning. It's all just a game, a shadow play. Nobody sees me sitting here by the bed with my face contorted with pain. I am tired and don't want to anymore. No, I just can't anymore. I want to let go Everything I have that is important to me. Everything that I've clung to so tightly. Because none of this is real. I know that I am deceiving and lying to myself. But better a fake, better a happy illusion than nothing. What am I actually fighting for? I am stuck with this question. But to think about it again and again and not come to a final solution seems so pointless to me. What is still holding me together inside?I long for salvation. Redemption doesn't have to mean a solution, but it does set something free in me. I believe in that at least. That's why I take the knife. It is no longer very sharp, so a small scratch on the arm is already quite painful. I do not admit that I am suicidal. I am still too attached to life, I do not want to be satisfied with death, where I have not yet found my happiness, my real happiness. But this pain reminds me of death. It also reminds me of how little I want to just die. Therefore it gives me strength in a certain way, because now I know what my absolute end means and that it has not yet come. For me that means redemption, a motivation to become strong again.

Three days after the New Year, Thomas called her after all. He wanted to meet her and she said yes. So they met again that evening. Thomas saw these shadowy eyes again and again.He didn't know much about "mystical power" before, but now he got a first impression of it by looking at those eyes.

They hugged and didn't seem to have much to talk about. They drove to the girl's apartment in silence. Then they kissed, threw off their clothes and surrendered to physical longing. When they had quenched the thirst of their young bodies, neither of them knew what to do. Therefore, the girl suggested going to the cinema and seeing a late night performance.

Since the boy couldn't think of anything better, he agreed and so they got to the cinema. The film was ... It was a love story, and a very idealistic one. It was about a young couple who had sworn undying love. They spent every free minute together and couldn't imagine life without the other half of themselves. But then, after a relatively short happy time (happiness always seems short to us), the girl fell seriously ill.Her time would soon be up. Her lover was threatened with despair. But then they believed in their common fate and endured the difficult times together. Towards the end, the girl had to undergo a dangerous operation. The result was not shown directly. There were then a few flashbacks of the beautiful memory of the common happiness. The film ended in these soulful images and slightly melancholy music.

The film strangely embarrassed them both. Therefore, they broke up without saying much about it.

I want real love One that can really touch and shake my heart. One that is worth living and dying for. I've had almost everything in my life, seen a lot and laughed a lot, but there was nothing that lasted. Everything passed and I didn't mind either. But I'm kind of sorry. That can't have been all of life. There was so much I didn't understand.I want to go on a search, solve puzzles and discover secret worlds. I want to get involved in a miracle even though I don't believe in miracles. But now I want to feel it. Yes, I was thirsty for it. I want to meet her.

She wondered if she wanted to pick up the phone. She wondered if she wanted to meet him. But then she thought what the whole thing was for. Did she like him? Or did she just want to feel his presence. She hardly knew him. He still went to school. - Aha. Because he still lived with his parents, they always met with her. - Interesting. He's maybe three years younger than herself. But that didn't mean anything to her. She didn't feel anything.
It was so difficult to really get to know someone. Therefore she refused to get to know more about another person than necessary. Who knows if you will see each other again. Why all this unnecessary information? She had to think more than enough about her life,