hi, I hope you read this FF too, even if it has nothing to do with anemia. let's see if someone clicks on it and reads it, then I hope for a pair of clerks (otherwise I'll be very sad)
Have fun

Feelings of guilt

“I want to live, I don't want to die.” Ronja tried desperately to remain conscious. She knew if she closed her eyes now, she wouldn't make it.
“I don't want to.” She whispered and slowly closed her eyes.
"Ronja, why don't you want to die? You don't have anyone who knows you here anymore."
“Who are you?” Ronja felt how she began to float and stopped next to a light.
"That is not important. Please answer my question." The light had a warm soft voice.
"Why do I want to live? I still have so much to do. I still have to take care of my problem child. Helle. And I've never had a boyfriend, have never been kissed."
"Who is Helle?"
“A puppy, he doesn't eat properly, he needs me.” Ronja's voice almost cracked."How much longer do you have to look after the dog?"
"About three weeks."
"You should have it, you will have to die in three weeks, your time is up."
"Thanks." Ronja floated back into her body. She felt her heart start beating again and life flowing through her.
She opened her eyes slowly. She was lying on the floor of her apartment, alone. In the corner there was a basket in which Helle was asleep.
"You're one of me, I'm dying here and you just sleep peacefully." She said with a smile.
“That's just how dogs are, they can only sleep.” Frightened, Ronja whirled around to the door. "Who are you?"
"The landlord's son, I should check the meter reading," replied the boy, scowling at her.
“It's in the basement and not here.” She smiled at him.
"And your cellar, little one, is locked, that means I need the key." He grumbled and his eyes grew darker as far as he could.
"Oh yes. Wait, I'll get him. Shall I come with you?""No." He took the key, "I'll throw the key in the mailbox." He gave her another look of contempt and then disappeared.
"Well, that's a really nice one. What do you mean, Helle?" She turned to the puppy and was startled for the second time. A boy was sitting by the basket and stroking Helle.
"So the little one is to blame that you stay here among the living." Said the latter and grinned at her.
“Where are you from?” Stuttered Ronja and instinctively took a step back.
"You asked your other visitor who it is and you only ask me where I'm from. That's not very nice."
"You were already there? But then he must have seen you." And she took another step backwards.
"No, I will only be seen by those who I want to, since I am dead. I was sent to tell you about what you do and how you behave, now that you know you will die in three weeks." He was still smiling and got up.
"Why?""HE wants to know what you can do with the time you have saved and such. Actually you shouldn't notice me either, but I couldn't help it. The boy could see me too if I wanted to."
"Why?"
“Can you ask anything else?” The boy gave a short laugh and came up to her. Ronja wanted to take a step back, but she was already standing against the wall. "You don't need to be afraid. I'm not a bad angel of death. I should be a good one."
"And why do you want to become one, why can the house owner's boy see you too? And what's this all about, I don't need to watch out?" She went to the table and sat down. The angel boy sat down next to her before answering.
"I'm Linno and not your watch-out. I have to write a piece of work, so to speak, about how people behave when they die and I also wanted to see how they behave when they know that they will die soon. If I pass this test and you then accompanying me in heaven I passed and may become a real angel of death. ""And what does the boy have to do with it? Besides, you should know what it is like to live, you have that too, right?"
"I can't really remember my life, only the day of my death," a shadow crossed his face, "and the boy may die too, he'll run into you more often. I don't advise you to fall in love with him, not to get involved with him, then maybe you can go on living. "
"I'm dying in three weeks, that's what HE said. How should I possibly be able to go on living there?"
"That has something to do with the boy, I am not allowed to reveal any more, but I don't lie, I can't. Be careful about your feelings, then if you do the right thing, you can live."
“And him?” But Linno already dissolved and disappeared.
Ronja got up thoughtfully. Now she was not only responsible for Helle, but also for this strange boy and he didn't even know anything about it.But before she could decide how to deal with it and how to fall in love with such a boy, there was a knock on the door as loud as if the door was about to be kicked.
“Yes?” She asked through the door.
“Open up.” Shouted someone on the other side and Ronja identified the voice as the voice of the boy she was not allowed to fall in love with.
“Is there anything else?” She asked as she opened the door.
“Your key doesn't fit in the lock on the door.” The boy's eyes hardened, but Ronja saw something in them, deep inside.
"Can't be. I'll come down with you and take a look at it, I think I know where it is." She smiled at him and pushed her way out the door and took the key from his hand.
“This is where we have the problem.” She said when they arrived in the basement, “Your father has still not renewed the signs. 2b and 2a have been swapped.” She went to the door on 2a and opened it without any problems."You could have told me that too, then I could have saved time," he said at her.
"How should I have told you that, you were gone so quickly after you took the key, there was no time." She ruled back and left. "You can throw the key in the mailbox, it's the one with my name Ronja Meren on it." She called over her shoulder and went into her apartment without looking back.

"I'm supposed to fall in love with a monkey like that? How is that just because he looks good and has a secret in his eyes? He's way too cold and sullen." she muttered while she made Helle his food. It had been 3 hours by now and her anger, which she had felt so suddenly, was gone.
"He's got something, but how can you fall in love with such a grumpy head?"
Helle only looked at Ronja with his trusting dog eyes.
“You're fine, my sweet one.” She put the food in front of him and watched that he ate everything.When she checked her mail the next day, the key from the cellar fell into her hand and she automatically thought of the deep eyes of the grumpy boy. The eyes that hid a secret and could get so cold.
"Who did this to you?" she asks and walked down the hall, lost in thought.
"Hey, watch out." Startled, she looked up, straight into the eyes that had put her in thought and that she couldn't get out of her head.
“Hey, you don't have to stare at me like that.” The boy waved a hand in front of her eyes.
"Sorry." Ronja said sarcastically and wanted to pass him, into her apartment.
"Wait." He said it calmly, his voice was ice cold and yet not scary.
"What?" she didn't turn around, but stopped.
"Nothing, I just wanted to see if you would do what you were told."
Without saying a word, she walked on and deliberately closed her door quietly. A small smile appeared on the boy's face before he could regain control.What shoud that? He asked himself, why does she manage to make me smile, nobody can do that anymore? Shaking his head, he set off.
In the next week Ronja hadn't seen the boy again, but she thought more often of him and his eyes, which fascinated her so much.
“You should forget him, Ronja.” Linno sat at her table again and complained.
“When should I forget?” She sat down too.
"Well B ..., no, you won't get the name from me."
"Now I definitely know that he starts me B. Why am I not allowed to know his name?"
“Because you have even more bond with him when you know him.” And with that he just disappeared.
“Why do you really want me to be alive?” She asked into the empty room, but only got a scratchy answer from Helle.
"Helle? Do you have to go out?" She crouched down next to him and scratched him briefly. "Then let's go."
As she left the front door, the boy whose name starts with B turned the corner.Ronja raised her head and looked past him.
"Hi," he said very softly, but his voice wasn't that cold anymore, more like a little confused.
"Hello." She answered automatically.
"How are you?"
"Thank you, but I can't talk, Helle has to go out." Ronja pointed to the puppy pulling on the leash.
"Can I come with you? I wanted to talk to you again."
"How so?"
"I don't know, can I come with you now?"
“Yes, because of me.” Ronja went off without looking at him again.
The two walked side by side in silence.
"What's your name?" Ronja broke the silence.
"Ben."
"What did you want from me now?"
"My father said I should apologize for being so rude."
“But that's your way.” Ronja shrugged her shoulders and let Helle go.
The two sat down on a bench and watched the puppy as he let off steam.
"What do you mean by that?"
"By which?"
"That that is my way? You don't even know me."
"I don't know, I think you have had a hard time."“If you think so.” He turned away.
"Ben? What happened?" Ronja asked quietly and touched his hand, her heart leaping slightly.
"How do you know that something happened? Why couldn't I just have had a bad day? And then didn't get in touch and apologize because I had a guilty conscience?"
"I do not think so." she took his face in her hands and turned it to her, "Your eyes. It's you who let me know. They are so cold and deep. I have the feeling that it wasn't always like this." She smiled at me .
“You're crazy.” He took her hands from his face and looked at Helle.
"He is still young and soon alone, but I will give everything that he