Chapter 2: What Makes Me Alive?

What is a living being? What shows it that it is alive? That it loves? Is it our daily life? Is it pain or the beautiful feelings that we sometimes feel. When we look someone in the eye?
What makes a person and what makes a demon? The boundaries are clear, but if I don't even know what a characteristic quality of life is for these two living beings, how am I supposed to experience it with a hanyou like me? I had my demonic strength and my big mouth when I became human ... I always thought that if I had these two qualities, I could defeat anyone ... but ... now they're gone, gone, why?
I see how the wind pulls over the steppe landscape and moves the individual tufts of grass ... they don't move by themselves, does that mean that they are ... dead?
A horrible feeling overcomes me at this thought ... did I have to rely on others to move me?Protect me?
I bowed my head to avoid this sight, it was not easy to accept my situation, it was never easy, but what I used to rely on was now missing ...
"Inu ... Yasha?" came the tenderest of all voices behind me, but I didn't move a millimeter, she stood next to me and looked at me while I doubted so many things in my thoughts ...
"Inu ... Yasha?" she repeated, but I just didn't want to listen to her ... I rarely thought about such things, but after being human for more than one night, such thoughts came over me more and more ... as well as the feeling that it was it was better not to let it show because of her ...
I felt her gentle hand on my back and for this reason decided to lift my head and stare into her brown eyes ...
She smiled ... she smiled at me, that warm smile surpassed everything, every pain every ailment ... there was nothing I could do about it, I just had to look at her and banish my oppressive thoughts to the back of my head ..."I know exactly what you're thinking ... I'm sure you're wondering what I'm doing here, even though I wanted to take care of Sango's wounds?"
I stared at her, what she said was true, I really hadn't expected her ...
I quickly looked away from her, knowing what kind of question would follow ... we'd spent so much time together, I knew her pretty well by now ... she me too?
"Inuyasha, why did you disappear so quickly earlier when I noticed that you had lost your voice? I know ... you can't answer me well ... but I want you to look me in the eye, with a clear conscience ... "
This was exactly the question that I had guessed ... this scenario was still in my mind ... I didn't know what to do, I panicked and just ran away, I had never done that before ... .. Running away from Kagome, were these the human feelings that slowly overwhelmed me? The fears and grief that people feel at such moments?I wanted to look her in the eye, show her that I don't care that I was sitting in front of her in this condition, but I didn't succeed ... I didn't dare ...
She noticed it, I could tell by the way she was breathing, it was a slow but concerned breathing ...
"I ... I haven't told you about it yet ..." I heard whistling through her unsettling breath. Hasn't she told you anything yet? Does she mean Sango and Miroku? Why did she tell me this right now?
I noticed the change that followed ... the unsettling breathing gave way to a sad sob, followed by a quiet sentence that was almost entirely carried away by the wind. "You want to leave today ..."
The sentence streamed through me, but its meaning didn't want to get stuck in me ... the two wanted to leave us?
A movement tore me from my thoughts and I turned my gaze to her, as she started to sit next to me. Normally I would have tried to stop her, but without the ability to speak it was very difficult ... Wasn't there such a thing as body language?I remember a picture from my early childhood where a man who couldn't speak went shopping in a city ... You could tell everything from his gestures, but how should I? My thoughts were going in the wrong direction, I was just about to come to terms with that fact, but the only thing I wanted was to transform myself back ... to be a Hanyou again, yes, that's what I wanted ...
"Inu Yasha ... you've been so thoughtful the whole time ..." she came closer and closer to me ... I should have died ... why didn't I actually die? If only I could solve this riddle ...

Kagome was sitting next to me, she was worried, but what could I do about it? I couldn't even tell her, don't worry ... I couldn't EVEN tell her to worry ...
"I ... I have something for you ..."
I looked with my gloomy look at her hands, in which she was holding a herb ...I examined the herb carefully, but it didn't really look familiar to me ...
She held it out to me ...
"Eat ... maybe this will bring your voice back!"
I didn't let myself be told THAT twice, if there was even the slightest chance to get my voice back, then I had to perceive it ...
I chewed the spicy weed in my mouth, it took a bit of getting used to, but I soon swallowed it. I immediately noticed that something was going on inside of me, but apart from a warmth that spread throughout my body, nothing happened. I tried my voice, but apart from a itch, which was at least a step forward, not a single note came out ...
"Well, please, better than nothing, you will soon be able to talk again ... That was a herb that stimulates the blood circulation! Your vocal cords are certainly just paralyzed, for whatever reason ..."
I grabbed my neck, did this herb really help? The whole time I was worried about how I could get my voice back and Kagome did it in a few seconds ... I wanted to fall on her neck, but it wasn't sure if I would really get my voice back ... I preferred to wait a little longer ..."If you can then speak again ... will you tell me ... why you didn't come into my world with me? Why did you just throw me into the well, even though you knew exactly that you would die?"
It felt like an eternity, these images, these fears that I had felt ... like a bad nightmare that I woke up from ...
Why did I send her away? I hadn't believed that I would survive ... I have never been as sure of my death as that night, but ... what I least wanted was that SHE had to see it ... it would have been her Broken heart ... I couldn't answer for that ...
"... would you do anything, give anything, just to watch her again? To go on living?"
Yes, that was it ... I wanted to give everything just to see her again ... These feelings I felt for her ... when I got my voice back I had to tell her, that's what I wanted live on ...
I nodded to her and could at least say "yes" itch ...She smiled at me again, which made everything around me, all problems, all fears disappear ...