Chapter 5: What I Desire Most ...

Everything was racing through my thoughts, every sensation, every memory….
I seemed to break inside when I saw the soul catcher in front of me. No, it wasn't my imagination, the closer I got to him, the more certain it became ...
At that moment everything went haywire, my escape, my brother and now maybe Kikyou as well? I felt more and more like a fly caught in a spider's web ... helpless ...
I followed the soul catcher who floated elegantly through the trees ... he carried a soul. The likelihood of meeting Kikyou was pretty high ... who else would collect souls and for what reason?
Soon I came near a clearing ... far from the villagers' screams, which ached inside me as I couldn't help them. The moon shone gently on a person who sat in the grass and waited for the soul that shortly afterwards absorbed it.
Their presence seemed pure and innocent ... The movements were unknown to me, or maybe I had just forgotten them ...My eyes widened and my heart almost stopped when I recognized the clothes. I saw her from behind, her black hair shining in the light of the moon and I couldn't be sure if it really was her. But my heart cried out to see her ... why? I kept trying to convince myself that it could be someone else, but actually I didn't want it ...
At the edge of the forest I left my red pack, but I made sure that I couldn't lose it from the corner of my eye and walked slowly towards the clearing ...
"Kikyou ...?", I whispered in a low, trembling voice, causing the person in front of me to flinch.
She got up and immediately turned to me in shock. I hoped to see her surprised face and her familiar eyes, but I didn't see either. I immediately caught my breath when I looked into the face of a little girl who had absolutely no features of the person I was actually expecting.She looked at me in surprise and fear, whereupon I took a step back.
"Who are you?" She asked quickly and hesitantly while taking a few steps back. She seemed to be afraid of me, incomprehensible to me, after all I was only human. Why hadn't I recognized it right away? The girl in front of me was only half my size ... I should have recognized immediately that this couldn't be Kikyou, but how often had my eyes clouded me just because I wished it so much.
"I ... I am ..." I started, but something held me back from giving my name. Could that be the fear, the human fear that had built up in me over the past few years? The fear of being recognized?
"What do you want from Kikyou?" She called out to me. I could read it in her eyes ... she knew who Kikyou was and what was even more important, she knew where she would be ... read these eyes ... as a person it was easier, I could more easily decipher the feelings of my counterpart ... that was I haven't noticed it yet ..."What do you want from Kikyou?", She repeated, this time a little louder and with a strong voice ...
"I ... I'm an old friend of hers ..." That was probably the right answer the little one wanted to hear. Her mind relaxed a little, but she didn't seem to be really trusting yet, understandable ... how many friends did Kikyou already have?
"What's your name?" She asked me now with a direct look into my eyes. But should I answer that?
Another soul catcher now snaked around her body to get his souvenir from him. But she continued to look at me intently.
"My name ...?" I hesitated a moment ...
"Inu Yasha ...!" I confessed and her steps moved away from me again. Was it wrong to say my name? The name I had covered up for ten years ...
"You can't be Inuyasha ... he's half demon and has long silver hair ..." she shouted almost urgently ...I bowed my head ... She was right, actually I wasn't Inu Yasha ... The half-demon Inu Yasha had already died ten years ago in a fight with Naraku ...
"Please ... tell me where Kikyou is!" I begged the little one, but she looked at me suspiciously. I began to look at her with a pleading look ... a method that I used to be reluctant to use ...
There was a long time of silence before she made up her mind.
"She's with Sesshoumaru ... if he's there, you couldn't break her hair anyway ..."
She pointed with her hand to the right into the forest, whereupon I picked up my little bundle from the edge of the forest and disappeared in the direction I said.
She eyed my red bundle carefully ... did she recognize my red suikan, with which I had wrapped my few belongings? I didn't think about it for long ... she looked familiar in a way, but I couldn't remember her face ...
Had she been telling the truth?At least I trusted her ... But what bothered me a lot more at that moment was the fact that Kikyou and Sesshoumaru were with each other ... they had never had much to do with each other, what would this fact suddenly change?
I ran as fast as I could ... as fast as I could as a person ... and soon I heard voices, at these voices my steps suddenly slowed down and I felt a piece of reality pushing itself more strongly into my life ...
The little one had really sent me in the right direction and I hadn't even thanked them, I noticed shortly afterwards.
But now it probably made more sense to listen to the conversation than to burst in and ask questions that I wouldn't get answered anyway, even though I had actually come for this reason ...
"It's pointless!" I heard my brother scream and shortly afterwards I saw him leaning against a tree trunk, relaxed as always. I hid in the bushes and saw from my new perspective that Kikyou was standing across from him and looking at him.Her look hadn't changed, but she seemed older ... certainly an apparition ... I hadn't seen her for ten years, so people sometimes forgot faces ...
"He's your brother ... how can you just leave him there?" She snapped, but my brother's reaction was dismissive, as was to be expected when he was called my "brother".
"We had a deal ... you know that ...", said Kikyou, whereupon I looked her more in the eye than ever ... she showed sorrow ... before Sesshoumaru?
Those were weird, faint traits ... very uncharacteristic of Kikyou!
"Every agreement comes to an end ... ten years is a long time and the battle is imminent ..." I listened to ... what battle was my brother talking about? Everything was spinning in my head ... had he been in the village to hire me for a fight? Did he want me to fight as a half demon by his side? The idea made me very confused ... what had happened in those ten years?Sesshoumaru and Kikyou had worked together? I should fight with Sesshoumaru? A huge catastrophe was looming behind my back .. I couldn't answer these questions otherwise, which I kept asking myself in my mind.
"Because of you he might be dying right now in this village!", Kikyou complained and clapped his hands over his face ... it hurt to see her like that, I would like to comfort her ... after all, I was still alive ... right? That realization again ... that horrible realization that by now I was neither human nor demon ... nor even half demon! But she didn't seem to care ... she was still afraid for my apparent life ...
I heard my brother laugh ...
"You don't think that DER can be killed so easily ... on the contrary ... he's been listening to us all the time ... not brother?" He let out scornfully and I felt his eyes rest on my hiding place.My mind exploded in a second and I felt the feeling of being caught, which ran through my body.
But slowly I got up and showed my human body in front of the two.

"Inu Yasha!", Kikyou sobbed, she still had a pretty good grip on herself after what I would have expected after her previously said words.
I went to them and gave my oh so dear brother a contemptuous look, but he just grinned maliciously at me.
"Are you still coming from your little paradise to look at the real world?" He laughed and disappeared into the forest, followed by my angry look.
And did he really want to fight by my side? We would certainly have only fought ourselves in this war ... whatever it was about ...
"Inuyasha ... you live? And ... my God ... what happened to you?"
I turned slowly to look at her and had seen her again for ten years. Her black hair ... it had grown and ... I was right, her features had changed ... she looked ... older?I tried to hide my puzzled look ... luckily she didn't notice him.
I just didn't know how to answer her question ... didn't she know that I was in this village and now wanted to make me know that she had never seen me?
"What are you doing here?" I asked a counter-question to distract from myself, but she just winked, confused. This proved that she didn't even seem to realize it ... So my prospect of an appropriate, insightful answer was void.
Her depressed facial features receded and what remained was a look directed at the ground, the next confirmation of a person.
She didn't say anything ... why couldn't she tell me? I stood in front of her ... alive ... or maybe not ... and she didn't even want to tell me what was happening around me, or at least why she was there, not even a lie? Their silence was worse than a lie ...
I grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to answer, or at least to make her look at me.But she continued to hide her eyes from me and I felt her body heat slowly flow through my hands.
It grabbed me like a flash of inspiration and I took a few steps back from her after letting go of her. I still felt her warmth in my palms, which I now stared at absently.
I felt her look, which then weighed down on me ... that look ... but when I raised my head to her again she looked away from me again.
I had to process this fact in myself first, the fact that she had aged had a natural background ...
"Kikyou ... you ... live?"
She didn't react to my words, rather it seemed to torment her that I found out. I dropped my hands and snorted loudly.
"All the time I despair because I can't find a way and you knew one all along?"
She began to shake