Regardless of the fact that the road resembles a half-dried brook or that the pounding rain runs cold on me and penetrates my clothes, I follow the course of the path without hesitation. Moist strands hang on my face, with which the cutting wind plays, and pearl-like drops trickle down my pale skin like tears. Lightning flashes like stormy waves across the sky and bathe the storm-lashed night and the dark shadows in a mysterious gray-bluish light, while the thunder makes the earth tremble with its threatening rumble. The storm has been raging over the small town for an hour, and despite the late hour it seems deserted. Nobody rushes home across the mud-covered street and no warm light illuminates the interior behind the windows. Except for a faint rattle of a shutter or a door, all sounds are swallowed up by the force of nature.Thanks to the sharp roar of the wind and the vicious roar of thunder, I was able to leave the Flying Lamb unnoticed. I just snuck away ... quietly and secretly ... in the way that suits my personality. I don't want any of my fellow campaigners to know where I'm going ... who will lure me out into this storm. It would raise questions. Questions that would be too painful to answer. Questions that would only widen the wounds in my heart. Questions the truth of which I must ask myself tonight. The truth that it's over!
In the seconds of another flash of lightning, I see a dark figure in front of me leaning casually against the wall of a house. I don't need to see the face to know that it is HE. I know his shape ... his body. The muscular arms that always pulled me into a tender embrace at each of our secret meetings. The broad chest behind which a strong and determined heart beats.The strong legs that have carried my weight more than once. But I will never experience any of this again ... never feel any more. They will be nothing more than memories. Memories that, painful as they will be in the future, will warm me in the cold nights to come, knowing that it will never happen again.
Ten steps away from him. Ten steps that make a relationship between us impossible. Ten steps that I don't dare to take, otherwise I'll lose my courage ... the will ... to put an end to the whole thing.
I don't smile when he looks up after a seemingly endless time. I never did that ... greeted him with a smile that showed my feelings for him. He doesn't come to me either, as he has never done in the past. Instead, we face each other like two opponents ... which we are too! In the real world ... in the world where nothing connects the two of us ... we are opponents!It should never have come to that! From the beginning, we both knew that we could not overcome the obstacles between us. Obstacles that call themselves life. The life that made us what we are today!
Maybe if the government had put it on me years ago, we'd both have had a chance. But they never did! They fear his keen sense of justice, which many times has earned him a refusal to obey. You rightly fear him, my past ... the real reason I was wanted as a child ... aroused suspicion in his heart. And it is precisely this sense of justice that stands between us. He can't ignore it ... can't overlook the fact that I've done wrong ... that I've murdered more than once. I don't ask him to do it either ... I don't even want it! Because one day we will face each other ... in the brutal reality.And we will be enemies! He will then stand up for his soldiers while I will do the same for my friends. We both will have no choice but to fight each other!
"Headquarters knows you are here."
My senses vibrate at the sound of the smoky, grumpy voice, it awakens memories of the brief moments in which she whispered tender words in my ear. My decision to end our relationship is dangerous if I don't want to lose this strong and yet empathetic man. And all of a sudden I feel like I'm not getting enough air, even though my breathing is faster than usual, while my heart contracts in agony. I look at him without ceasing through the thick veil of rain before my eyes, without showing him anything of my inner turmoil. I have to be strong ... I can't let my feelings guide me!
"When does the attack take place?""At dawn."
"Then the Flying Lamb is being watched?"
"Not any longer longer."
So that he can't see the regret and guilt in my eyes, which rise in me like a lightning bolt, I quickly lower my head. And yet his words strengthen me in my decision, they remind me again why we are never allowed to be together. Because so often he has informed me about the plan of the Navy, in which it was about the arrest of Monkey D. Luffy and his crew. And every time he took the risk of getting caught. Just like now, when he left his post to meet me and tell me about the impending attack.
A hand that is so much larger and stronger than mine appears in front of me and lifts my face up with gentle pressure. In his dark eyes, which always make me think of a proud eagle, I see that he knows exactly which direction my thoughts have taken and that he feels just like me.It cannot go on like this ... this inner conflict between duty and a sense of honor.
"It's over!"
"You are braver than me."
"One of us had to take this step."
"I know! But I wish we still had ..."
"No, don't say it!"
I shake my head regretfully as I quickly put a finger on his slightly rough lips to prevent him from continuing.
"For us there is no more time together. Your superiors will at some point become suspicious if we are always one step ahead of you. And suspicion will fall on you."
Deep resignation shows in his gaze ... deeper and more painful than ever before, my words mean the final farewell. There will be no more secret meetings between us in the future. No conversations in which we open our insides. No confidential touch that says so much more than words. No world in which the two of us are completely normal people with no past.Our faces approach very slowly until our lips finally come together in a gentle kiss, as if we had all the time in the world. For a moment I forget everything around me as the slightly salty rain and the bitter, rough taste of its cigars lie on my tongue. Only the man who gently wraps his arms around me and lets me feel his hidden warmth counts for me, while I run one last time over the contours of his rough face.
Without looking at him again, I slowly detach myself from the kiss and his embrace and turn away from him while my heart falls into a thousand pieces. Not a word of restraint or parting comes from his lips, just as little as with me. It's better this way! None of us are allowed to cross the invisible border between us. The consequence of this would be the destruction of both of us.
Slowly, with my head held high, I follow the road back without turning back ... without taking one last look at him.It would be pointless because even though I hear nothing more than the wind and the rain, I know that it is no longer there. That he will return to his life, as I do too. A life in which we are not on the same side ... cannot just be husband and wife.