I sat and looked out the window, saw the birds chirping wistfully. Other people might find this twittering happy, but it made me feel uncomfortable. Because my thoughts always went back to someone, the only person who was able to comfort me. Lawrence- his name always floated before my eyes. He said he loved me, but why was he just gone like that? Without a word, without leaving a piece of paper - how could he do that to me? And I was just scared for him. Afraid that something might have happened to him or that he had forgotten about me. Where could he be? I could neither sleep nor eat, much less think about anything else. Would he want me to worry about him- I don't know, it's really hard to say. He wanted to be free. And free people don't really want anyone to worry about them because they want to do whatever they want.On the other hand, everyone has the need to have someone who takes care of them and cares about them.
It was just hard for me to understand how I felt about him. At first I wanted to deny it, didn't want to admit it to myself. But now I got along with it and stood by it. Law had also had the effect, with no less great success, that I abandoned the past and no longer had to be a murderer. But what should I do now without him? Would everything be the same as before? No! I did not want. It should never be the same again. The only thing I wanted was to live with Law forever and ever.



I still remember exactly, yes, exactly how I told him everything. Or no, rather, he knew everything in a mystical way. Everything that happened in my life was how I felt, what I thought ... it was like God did exist who had personally sent me an angel. I don't know if that sounds a bit megalomaniac - an angel all to himself, or rather me, alone ...I never believed in God because He never helped me. Never in my whole pathetic life! He left me alone when I needed him most. It's like when your best friend suddenly lets you down, just like that. And it always means that God is your best friend. So it's easy to compare with this example.
A tear is running down my cheek, now I can no longer hold back my tears.

I remember exactly, yes, exactly how he stroked my cheek and whispered. He asked in an understanding, reassuring tone whether I had killed my mother, the prostitutes, or rather myself.
These words made me think. For the first time in my life I thought about what had actually happened in my, as I already mentioned, "pathetic" life.
How could it be that this angel was lying here next to me, a merciless murderer, Adrian Clay, and whispered softly in my right ear - forgive yourself?I couldn't understand that he wasn't afraid of me like everyone else, but stayed with me and helped me get over my past.

And what I also remember exactly is how he smiled the last few days before he left me, without a word, without leaving a letter. Like a wonderful angel with snow-white wings, such an innocent smile ... If I keep thinking about him, my heart cramps and I feel a lump in my throat. He just can't have let me down! He just couldn't! Not like God, who, like most best friends, lets you down at the moment when you need him most!

At that moment I was torn from my thoughts. When I went into the living room someone was sitting there. A figure, the outline of the person I had longed for for so long. I ran up to him, wrapped my arms around him, just to make sure he was actually here. He hugged me tightly and closed his eyes, saying that he loved me more than anything ... I could die of happiness, but if I did, with Law so that I never have to lose him again.Only now did I notice his battered face. He must have been hit! My Law, beaten ... I wanted to ask him who it was, wanted to help him, comfort him, never let go of him and always be there for him, but then- then he broke my heart.