Translation
Cold Love
Close your eyes
Title: Close your eyes ...
Part: 1/1
Author: Ayu
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Lucius, Narcissa
Subject: 038 ~ Touches
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, but J.K.Rowling and the song "Close your eyes" is from the doctors
Word Count: 612
Raiting: G
Note: I love this song and somehow it inspired me to write this fanfic.
----
Close your eyes...
[i]Close your eyes and kiss me. And then say that you love me I know it's not true, but I don't feel any difference when you give yourself to me.
I look at you and no matter what I breathe my thoughts always seem to revolve around the same thing. You lie here next to me and have been sleeping peacefully for some time. I can't avoid looking at your delicate figure and making it clear to myself again and again how lucky I can actually count myself to have such a perfect being like you by my side. And like every time I watch you sleep, my thoughts wander and assure me that I myself will not be able to sleep anytime soon.Inevitably I have to think back to the last hours in which you gave yourself to me full of passion and unwittingly complained about a moment of total happiness. You also told me once again that you love me. That bittersweet phrase I'd love to believe. But your eyes remained cool and distant as always and your words belied. And in spite of everything, I despair of hearing these words. How many times have I struggled to finally tell you what I really feel for you? Far too often and yet I have never told you or shown you properly. Feelings are weakness, they taught us that and we live by them. And maybe it's better that I can't tell you. You probably wouldn't feel the same way anyway. After all, we didn't get married for love either. No, we only did what was asked of us and in spite of everything I am happy to have you as a woman.Even if we have never really managed to open ourselves completely to each other until today.
[i]Close your eyes and kiss me. Just fool me. I forget what happened and I hope and I dream I haven't lost you yet. I don't really care if you really feel something. Do what you want.
I've been neglecting you a little lately, and I'm feeling bad about it, even though I'm not even sure you even noticed. But the return of our Master and my daily work are currently taking up almost all of my time. I always have to do something for our master and make sure that the ministry doesn't find out about me. Some days I really hate it and yet I don't regret anything about what I do. To make matters worse, I also had to find out that you have just been disappearing more and more recently. I can hardly blame you, but it gnaws more at me than you can probably ever imagine.I don't know where you are going or who you are going to and if I’m honest I don’t want to know either. It would put an end to it all and make it finally real, whatever it is. It would tear me apart to know that you are in another man's arms when you are not here. I don't want to accuse you of it, because I don't want to believe that you would do something like that, but the doubts still gnaw on me. And once again it is my feelings that stand in my way and make me hold out unnecessarily. I have to realize that maybe they were right after all when they told us that feelings only hinder you. And sometimes I wished for nothing more than that I could look inside cool and emotionless at the scenarios in front of me. Then maybe I would no longer worry that our master might harm you or our son. But unfortunately it's not that simple.
And so I have no choice but to try to enjoy moments like these and absorb every second with you as if it were the last until it really ends.And even if I will never tell you: I love you.
Part: 1/1
Author: Ayu
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Lucius, Narcissa
Subject: 038 ~ Touches
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, but J.K.Rowling and the song "Close your eyes" is from the doctors
Word Count: 612
Raiting: G
Note: I love this song and somehow it inspired me to write this fanfic.
----
Close your eyes...
[i]Close your eyes and kiss me. And then say that you love me I know it's not true, but I don't feel any difference when you give yourself to me.
I look at you and no matter what I breathe my thoughts always seem to revolve around the same thing. You lie here next to me and have been sleeping peacefully for some time. I can't avoid looking at your delicate figure and making it clear to myself again and again how lucky I can actually count myself to have such a perfect being like you by my side. And like every time I watch you sleep, my thoughts wander and assure me that I myself will not be able to sleep anytime soon.Inevitably I have to think back to the last hours in which you gave yourself to me full of passion and unwittingly complained about a moment of total happiness. You also told me once again that you love me. That bittersweet phrase I'd love to believe. But your eyes remained cool and distant as always and your words belied. And in spite of everything, I despair of hearing these words. How many times have I struggled to finally tell you what I really feel for you? Far too often and yet I have never told you or shown you properly. Feelings are weakness, they taught us that and we live by them. And maybe it's better that I can't tell you. You probably wouldn't feel the same way anyway. After all, we didn't get married for love either. No, we only did what was asked of us and in spite of everything I am happy to have you as a woman.Even if we have never really managed to open ourselves completely to each other until today.
[i]Close your eyes and kiss me. Just fool me. I forget what happened and I hope and I dream I haven't lost you yet. I don't really care if you really feel something. Do what you want.
I've been neglecting you a little lately, and I'm feeling bad about it, even though I'm not even sure you even noticed. But the return of our Master and my daily work are currently taking up almost all of my time. I always have to do something for our master and make sure that the ministry doesn't find out about me. Some days I really hate it and yet I don't regret anything about what I do. To make matters worse, I also had to find out that you have just been disappearing more and more recently. I can hardly blame you, but it gnaws more at me than you can probably ever imagine.I don't know where you are going or who you are going to and if I’m honest I don’t want to know either. It would put an end to it all and make it finally real, whatever it is. It would tear me apart to know that you are in another man's arms when you are not here. I don't want to accuse you of it, because I don't want to believe that you would do something like that, but the doubts still gnaw on me. And once again it is my feelings that stand in my way and make me hold out unnecessarily. I have to realize that maybe they were right after all when they told us that feelings only hinder you. And sometimes I wished for nothing more than that I could look inside cool and emotionless at the scenarios in front of me. Then maybe I would no longer worry that our master might harm you or our son. But unfortunately it's not that simple.
And so I have no choice but to try to enjoy moments like these and absorb every second with you as if it were the last until it really ends.And even if I will never tell you: I love you.