WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME?!?



Chapter I: No turning back
[Cara Yukio Centric]


I walk aimlessly through the streets, it is night. Someone called out to me, but I ignored them, just wanted to get away from here ... from you ... Why did this happen, so that it chokes my air and tears my heart apart?
It starts to rain, but I hardly realize this.
Why did you do that? I can't anymore ... where is there any point in life ???
I walk through the area empty of tears, I can no longer cry, I've shed too many because of you, I'm desperate, left alone, sad and all because of YOU ...
It would never be the same again ... it's over between us ... why, why me ...
When you met me, you accepted me without prejudice, you became my best friend. You stood by my side with advice and advice, even in bad times. You showed me that it was worth living when I was standing on the highway. You just pulled me along, couldn't understand why I hadn't said I was sick.I didn't mean to burden you ... you had a difficult time after the death of your mother ...
You got angry, but still you hugged me, comforted me ... I can still feel your breath, your tender touches, your smile was my companion ...
But what is it now? Was it all just a game for you? I was your toy ...
You cheated on me ... why? Tell me why all of this I don't want it anymore… I can't anymore… don't want to hear your lies… why break my heart when you healed it.
We were more than friends, we loved each other, that knew- I thought that until today ... You sat there with YOU in your arms, seductive look, I couldn't believe it, when you saw me you meant it was nothing, it just be a friend ... just a friend .. well he is your friend with whom you cheated on me!
Why are you doing this to me? I love you more than others! I would forgive you for everything, but this went too far ... tore my heart in two, fell from cloud nine and hit the ground, back to reality ...I've been running for hours now, soaked to the skin, but I haven't felt the cold for a long time ...
My body is exhausted, I can barely breathe, but I don't stop.
Keep wandering the area because to stop would mean that all my desperation could catch up with me and if it did get to me, I would not be able to escape from it. I dont want that.
You and her in my arms, that picture doesn't want to leave me ...
Suddenly I stumble, just lie on the street, my body doesn't want to let me flee any further, my breathing is getting shallower, my heart feels as if it wants to burst ...
Where am I? What an irony, here is this bridge, here you saved my life when I knew no way out ...
I had been here, also exhausted, disoriented, wanted to throw myself in front of a car, but you dragged me away from here, silently took me in your arms, you got them
Cursed people who drove me to do this ... I felt your warmth, your desire ... I just wanted to be with you, you gave my life meaning again, and not for the first time ... Don't want to hurt you, but I am you but only in the way, a block on your leg, that's why you took her ...I pull myself up again and sit on the railing of the bridge a few meters away. Let the wind blow through my face, only one jump separates me from death, from my redemption. My heart has suffered enough, I am now releasing it. I stand on the railing with my back to the street below, spread my arms, a smile is on my lips.
I see someone here running to me, but it's too late, I've made my decision, everything will be fine ...
I close my eyes and let myself fall, I hear someone calling my name, but don't open my eyes, this voice sounds so familiar ... I keep falling, I see memories from my life scurry past me, like a film then I feel pain, but afterwards it's like floating away into a better world ...


No turning back

you stand at the window and you look out
and outside the sun is shining, but deep night reigns in you.
If it weren't for the last bit of doubt in youyou would have made the last step long ago.

Nobody there who understands you
and know what's going on inside you

walk through the streets and you see: life is raging around you
but in you only death rages.
You would give anything for an emergency exit from this life
or for a lifeboat.

You don't know what to do with you anymore
you want to be everywhere, just not here.

Never again lovesickness, never again alone
never again bad luck, never again luck
no kiss in the rain and no sunset
make it clear it's true:
There is no going back.

You want yourself with a gun on your temple
Free from your pain for all eternity.
Should the twitch of your index finger actually?
be the last act in your life?

Your own pains end,
but please make one thing clear to yourself:

You have only exchanged your suffering for something else
nothing is better, not a piece.
Those who lose you will feel the pain forever
if you go- you understand:There is no going back.

You only see the negative side of everything
swim in a deep sea of ​​sadness.
The fact is that we must all die
only most would like to have more time.

We only have this one life
no one can give you a second.

Never worry again, never lose again.
Never again bad luck - never again luck!
No second chance and certainly no happy ending
make it clear it's true:
There is no going back ...



;;; So, that was the first drama chapter ... I hope you enjoyed it, is the first time that I write something like that ... I was able to put myself in her shoes and feel her suffering, and jump off the bridge with her ... I admit, I had the same idea once, but others have had it too. Meanwhile, my life is dear to me, I want to live a long time. Please also read the second chapter, that is from the boy's point of view!
* hug * your Se-chan ;;;