Dear Shinichi,

before I read your letter I was unsure. I didn't know whether to open this one because I was scared. I was so afraid of what you wanted to write to me. I thought about what to do for two days, but then I decided to read the letter. I really wanted to know what you wrote to me and your first words, made me think. It took me a long time to manage to write you a letter too, because I actually wanted to talk to you face to face, but then I was afraid that I didn't want to offend or overload you with this behavior, that's why I'm writing to you and trying to say everything I wanted to tell you.

Why ... why didn't you tell me all this yourself? It would have been better if I had heard all of this from your mouth and not just through the letter. I like to write letters, you know that, but something like that shouldn't be said through the letter alone. Shinichi, I've been waiting for you so long and as Conan you knew that, I don't judge you for what happened and I don't hate you for it either. How could I hate someone who wanted only the best for me all of the time.
I am glad that you finally told me the truth, I think I could not have endured any longer and now I also know where I am with you.

How could I forget all this, I still remember exactly how it was back then, after we were in Tropical Land, that was when your disappearance began, it was so terrible for me. But, I have to tell you, I thought something had happened to you. As soon as you started walking, I wanted to follow you and I had such a queasy feeling, even my shoelace tore. I know you'll think I'm a little crazy if I say this, but I think all of this just wanted to tell me that something was going to happen to you, something I couldn't stop.Back then I would have loved to run after you, if I think about it now, it would have been better if I had. Maybe I could have stopped it all, maybe it wouldn't have happened that way ... and stop your thoughts.
I know you well enough, I know exactly what you think as you read these lines. You tell yourself that I couldn't have helped you and that I would have been in danger too, but maybe you’re wrong, Sherlock.

I wish you and the professor had simply told me the truth back then, it was better than if you kept silent. I felt so alone and just waited and hoped for you every day. Over and over again, it was so bad for me, but still you gave me hope, even if I just thought it was Conan. You two were so alike and I was looking for evidence to find out that you were one and the same person. Also as far as Pap's cases were concerned, I had the feeling that it wasn't he who solved them, but someone else, I didn't want to express my thoughts, they should remain closed, at least until I found out the truth. Do you know when I was sure that Dad wouldn't solve his cases on his own? Whenever you and I were gone together and a case started, everyone who solved it, Sonoko or someone from the police, he did it just like Dad and over time my assumption that they were just copying it was no longer true . I thought that was a little strange and had been watching you. You always stood behind him and assisted everyone, but that was exactly what made me suspect.
Perhaps you now expect me to yell at you or do something because you inadvertently brought me into contact with this organization, but also if there are two members I knew, I'm glad I got to know Ai .Sometimes she was like a little sister to me and, before I knew you were Shinichi, I thought it was cute when Conan and Ai were together. You two went so well together as children and when I saw you two I always thought of me and you. I thought you two were two sandpit friends, with whom exactly the same would develop as between you and me. Only now, when rereading the sentences, did I notice how confused it all sounded, but I won't change anything about my thoughts.

I just can't believe Sharon is Chris and a murderer. She is my idol and my favorite actress. Shinich, please tell me you were wrong about it, it just can't be. I can't understand how someone can easily kill people and still be kind on the outside. I thought Sharon had passed away, now to believe that she is her own daughter is incomprehensible to me. In the same way, I don't understand why the reporter also worked for this organization. Why is it so, Shinichi? I was wrong about the people who meant so much to me or who I was good friends with. I just don't want to understand.

It looks like if I thank you for not joining the witness protection program, then I would never have seen you again. It was already too much for me anyway, I've seen you pretty rarely or never at all and if it had continued like this, it would only have been worse.

I am so glad that you seem to be yourself again when I read this, it gave me new hope and I could breathe again. The whole time I felt like I was standing in the water somewhere and just being pulled down without breathing. Everything in my throat contracted and I could barely breathe. It happened to me again and again, whenever I saw you for a short time or heard your voice.Every time I thought that you would soon come back to me, every single time I felt like this, but I tried as best I could to distract myself from it and to close my mind about it. Thanks to Conan and thanks to Sonoko, I made it every time, but then everything came up again and there were days when I just wanted to hide and never get out.

Why Shinichi, why didn't you tell me all this earlier? I would have tried to help you and knowing that you were with me would have helped me, but so I was always alone and had to hope that you would come again. Do you actually know what it feels like? It had been so horrible, imagine if it had been the other way around, what would you have done in my place? How would you have felt there? Wait, don't say it, I know what you'd say now. You would have felt like me, but you would also have known that it would have been better just not to say anything. I can understand that you did not want to put me in danger and I am glad that you were there for me in such situations and that you still helped me. Without you, I would not have survived these times and would have been too scared to do everything.

But even if I can somehow understand all of this, there is one thing that hurt me very much. So some people knew that you were Shinichi and had covered yourself, helped you, you told them after they found out who you really are. Yes, I know that, I asked everyone I knew and told our best friends about it. Heiji knew it, just like your parents, I'm disappointed in you, you told them, but you kept it from me, who is closer to you. Why did you do that, was it because you were afraid to tell me the truth or really because you were afraid I would be in danger?But weren't you so afraid of the others? I just can't understand that.

You have thought enough, you had so much time to be clear about everything, but I was the one who had to wait again and again for you and I will continue to wait until you have made up your own mind, right under my eyes to kick and talk to me. Even if your letter was a good start for all of this, I want you to tell me personally so that I can make my own impressions of your feelings about what happened. It would only go under in a letter. I really want you to come to me personally and talk to me about it. Tell me yourself how it was all back then and why you acted that way.
You're a detective, why do you get caught up in lies instead of telling me the truth from the start? I thought it was your code telling you people shouldn't lie, but that's what you've been doing to me all along.
Shinichi, come under my eyes and tell me the truth, this time without excuses. I've suffered from it for so long, I want it to stop and see you. And even if you assure me that you wanted to say it often, you never did it. You kept silent and waited until you became yourself again at some point. What did it bring you You told me the truth anyway and here I would find the adage 'the sooner the better' more appropriate, but the silence prevailed.

I beg you Shinichi, come to me, come back to me and let's talk about it. Even if I overreacted in the letter, I cannot suppress my thoughts and feelings. I have to vent them and tell you how I felt when I read your whole confession. All your words moved me and especially with your last words you lured me out of reserve.I don't know what to answer to that. That wasn't fair, Shinichi. I've waited a long time for you to tell me personally and not just in a letter. It would have sounded better if you had been here and said it.
I've waited a long time to tell each other how we feel about each other, but I find it very inappropriate in a letter. Please tell me yourself, I won't tear your head off, I just want to hear it from your mouth.

Shinichi, I know that so much has happened and after what you wrote me I have the concern that you think I would not forgive you and hate you. But I don't do that. I can't hate you, it just doesn't work. We lived together so much as children and I have the feeling that the whole thing with this organization has only brought us closer together. The common thread that connects the two of us is still there and we cannot be separated from it at all. The thread can't just be cut, you should know that.
Shinichi, I'm so glad that you're back and that I'll see you. I want us to be able to see each other again as before and talk about everything to one another. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you as long as I've been waiting for you all along now. I am sure that when we see each other again, this reunion will be the most wonderful thing in this world. And then, then I want to tell you how I feel about you and how much I love you.

Your Ran