I'm sitting here thinking about your words and trying to understand what made you leave me. I loved you, put my heart and soul at your feet. I thought I might mean something to you after all. After all, you always protected me. I wanted to believe that you feel something for me. Maybe it was like that. Maybe you didn't just hate me. You probably despised me too. For what I am, what I feel, how I think. I was weak in your eyes I allowed feelings and that was my fault. That's how you'd think of me, wouldn't you? If you were here...
I get up, move on. The evening sun colors the sky red. He is gorgeous. Do you even know how often I have wished that I could experience this with you? No, you will never know either. My thoughts, they always wander to you automatically. Though I'm sure I don't love you anymore Never gonna do more. You have inflicted far too much pain on me for that. Mental pain. I could take it physically. I am strong, I have a strong will. You always wanted to achieve that, didn't you?
You'd hardly believe it, but I know how you must have felt all these years. I know because I feel the same way now. I am lonely, alone and broken. I'm afraid. Afraid of never being able to love again. You were my first great love. And probably the last.
Loving you has never been easy. In time she just died, my dear. Some people break because of it. Inwardly. Then nothing lurks in them more than darkness, blackness that presses on the soul, dominates your feelings, so that you forget how to laugh. Are always sad, so that you will soon see no more meaning in your life. You wish that each day would be over quickly so that one could fall asleep again, only to have those thoughts again the next day.If you only live to let time go by, what is the meaning of life?
If you kept thinking, you would realize that you are just waiting for salvation, for death. I feel the same way. I've long since realized that my life is worth nothing without you. But just quit? No, I can not do that.
I go on, stop. I don't know where I am My thoughts still revolve around you. I think about you, about me It's been years since you left me. Back then I was still a child, I didn't understand how I felt about you then. Only over time did my love grow. And also my disappointment. And with disappointment, anger. I loved you, I hated you This hatred flared more day by day, year after year, until finally my love for you was stifled in it. Now there is nothing in me. Only this said emptiness, the wish to finally be redeemed. And maybe something like hope, in the farthest corner of my heart.
I didn't even notice how quickly it got evening. I'm on my way home. Blind and deaf to my environment. I can't see where I'm going, can't hear them all calling my name, desperate.
I look up. My heart almost stops. Yet again. Again my feet have led me to your house. Why? Does my heart know something my mind refuses to believe?
I turn my gaze back to the street in front of me. Meanwhile the moon is in the sky and gives me light, maybe tries to comfort me.
Suddenly I see a figure. It is too far away to be seen. My heart beats faster. Who dares to be out so late besides me?
I hear a voice. Deep, velvety, soft ... masculine. I lift my head. My heart skips, my eyes widen, my voice fails.I hear my name come from your lips. That you'd ever put it in your mouth again. My name.
The moon seems to welcome you. He bathes you in a blazing light. Your black hair with the unique blue shimmer gently blows in the wind. Your eyes sparkle with the blackness of the night.
How long I longed to see you again, back then. Now everything looks different. You come slowly towards me. I feel a lump in my throat. What will you do? Abuse me again? Destroy me further mentally with your harsh words?
I close my eyes, I don't want to see you. All the memories rise up in me. I wanted to forget them, lock them up forever, delete them, irrevocably. And now.
I feel your hand on my cheek and my body instantly starts to glow. Your voice sends goose bumps over my body and slowly I realize that it was all just a lie. I just thought I knew I didn't love you anymore.
Now I know for sure. I've been fooling myself all these years. You are the only person in my life that I will ever love.
And I only notice all of this through a single touch from you.
Your voice beguiles me and suddenly I feel something gentle on my lips. Your kiss is tender and possessive at the same time.
Your hands hug me, press me closer to you, as close as I've always longed for. Suddenly your lips separate from mine, I feel your breath in my ear and your whispered words, which wash a wave of excitement over my body. Within those few seconds, my heart began to slowly, little by little, come back together.
I am still afraid to open my eyes. Maybe it was all just a dream. No i have to try
Your eyes look into mine and I see something in them that confuses me infinitely.My heart, on the other hand, just screams for you, for your touch, your looks and your words. My hand clasps your chest, a desperate invitation to feel you.
I've waited all these years and now it happened. You came back to me. Said it yourself. And all this time I've loved you Just didn't know.
Your lips seal mine and without words you carry me into your house. I've never seen it from the inside, but at the moment I don't value it.
You lead me, still kissing, to a room. I hear a lock pick and wonder where you're taking me. But not a second later I forgot the question again. I trust you. Because I love you.
It's warm in here, but not stuffy. It smells clean, almost sterile. But that can be impossible, right? This is not your room is it
I have a guess. Did you know that you would come back someday? Is that why you had this part of your house prepared? Has it been for years? I'm confused. You notice it, interrupt the kiss and whisper something in my ear again.
My heart continues to beat irregularly, excited and full of anticipation. You know what's going to happen tonight and I know it too. I whisper your name and your eyes start to sparkle as I confess to you what I've always wanted. You look at me, kiss me again and slowly sink onto the bed with me.
Now this last question has also been clarified. The one who always followed me, hadn't let go of me. What do you feel for me? You told me and you are showing it to me right now with your every touch and for the first time since then, I wish that time would stand still. Just for this one night.